I really don't know if I should believe what you said in the mail, I really don't know, I'm so confused!! You really feel painful?? You do not have a happy life?? I guess you are having good time and I'm the only one who suffered from the pain again and again........ You know what?? I really wishes I could hate you, hate you very much that at least I can ease my pain....... but I cant lie to myself, I still love you, I still love you very much that I NEVER realized before...... Yes, you are a bad guy, how come I still love you like that even I realized you are now live with her and even I realize everything you did to me?? How silly and stupid I am...........
I can NEVER imagine that you could change all of a sudden, tell me the truth, when you decided to go for another girl, do you really LOVE her or you just want to try it out?? Do you REALLY made up your mind at that time??? Do you feel a little bit regret for what you've done?? Tell me the truth, tell me the feeling that deep in your heart...... When this happened to me, I really cant believe it, I wonder how my beloved one can change just in a few days and go for someone else....... we have a lot of happy times, happy moment that I can NEVER forget. Are you a happy man to be with her now??? Do you know what you want now?? Do you really get what you've expected?? I really want to know......
You are right, we know each other well, but I cant believe you are that kind of easy person who fall in love with someone in a short period of time, how can you just put down a relationship that has been there for 7 years???? Do you really think that our love can fade out that easily?? Or there is really someone that you are going for?? You blame yourself for being a bad man?? But do you know how bad you are actually???
I've never feel regret of what I've done, yes, I came to Beijing bcos of you, I still remember when I read your letter in Hong Kong and know that you are so boring and so alone that you have to talk with the ceiling everynite, my heart feel painful, deep pain that I cant hold my tear falling...... again and again!! So I decided to be with you in BJ, maybe this is your so-called responsibility to me, maybe this is the reason why you've been with me for the past 6 years...... but I can tell you that I do the right thing at that time, from the bottom of my heart, I really think this is good for us, as we've our common goal, we have the same incentive and motivation to keep ourselves to do our best, to attain out aims........... but it's all gone........
I NEVER think I've scarified, as I trust that I would be happy to stay with you, to be with you and overcome every difficulty that we encounter...... but TODAY you told me that I did, as the fact is that you are now in love with someone else, someone that you love so much and worth for you to pay a very high price to be with, I'm nothing to you, I really means nothing to you........ there is nothing between you and me anymore, even I still love you, but what can I do?? I'm the one who being dumped and scarified.......why you have to scarify me?? No matter how hard I have to go through it, It's only my business and have nothing to do with you, you would NEVER feel the same way as I'm....... I'm not kidding, you wont realize that feeling......the feeling of being betrayed and keep away from......
For pupu and pipi, if you are really miss them, why don't you just come over and have a look of them? You know how hurt they are?? Although pupu is just a dog, he can feel the same way as mine, he is still upset and depressed, I feel sorry to him too, what can I do?? How can I do to let them be happy and healthy?? It's seems that they are only my kids and I'm the only one who face it..... do you know how hard to be a mother and father at the same time??? I'm just a woman, a woman who need caring and love from the beloved one. Maybe deep in your mind that I'm a tough girl, a tough girl that can handle everything..... but I'm just a woman........ how helpless and defenseless I am?? You could NEVER imagine how hard I'm in the past few months..... it's not only bcos of the broke up, a lot of unfortunate happened to me again and again, but what are you doing at that moment?? You are happy to be with someone else, not what you said here to support me and share the sadness with me......... J, watch out.......... that's what I can advise you.........
I think about to leave BJ, why I'm still there trying my best all alone?? I have no family there, what I've got is pupu and pipi, sometimes I really want to give them up, but I can't, I cant be so selfish, If I can do what you did, I could be a happy person, but I can't, I'm a responsible person........that's why I've urge myself to carry on....... Still remember that day when we've bot pupu & pipi??? Still remember we think twice before we decide it?? As I believe you are a responsible person and someone that I can count on, but you are not, you just leave everything to me and go for your new life..............
Yes, the world is still there, you are still there, but you are in love with someone else, you do care the feeling of her instead of mine, you love her instead of me, you share everything with her instead of me, you face all difficulty with her instead of me, It's easy for you to do so, as you have someone to count on now. Our relationship not only changed a BIT, but totally different, how can I trust you anymore??? You really think you can be independent?? Not really!! You just can't be alone, right?? You just want to escape from everything, that's why you wanna go back to Hk or go back to school!!
Tell me the truth, how can you be so cool and cold blood??? Is it really no big deal to you?? or you've found your real beloved so that you can overcome everything?? Why you still say you are not a happy man?? I guess you are so happy that you can leave me finally, you can release yourself finally and you can be with someone that you love!! I really want to know what's you feel when you are holding/sleeping with someone else?? Do you still remember what you've told me?? What's your feeling towards me??? Only feel sorry, right??
Why don't you give me a call if you really want to care about me??? Why don't you do sth to ease my pain but indeed hurting me by saying all those BULLSHIT???? I feel disappointed not bcos I still LOVE you, it's just that how come someone whom I think to be sooooooooooooo responsible and countable can change to be so cool and mean all of a sudden!! How can you just giving me up so easily?? Is it our love so fragile?? So fragile that can be replaced in a few days???
I NEVER think that I've to scold you, I just want to figure out a lot of questions, those questions that I would NEVER realize........ and would torture me again and again.....