Schoolarship

I failed on the application of schoolarship of Chinese ministry. The first response of it is discouraging. I feel that my ministry was not identified by God. How can this happen? After this, I began to refelct that case. I am studying theology in English, and I am carry on my mission in an English church. These facts will make them doubt on my willing to be a minister of Chinese. Furthermore, I had ever divorced. This is also a fact that make them doubt on me. Maybe, they want me show the pain of this experience of divorce. But I wont. It is unfair to let me show my deepest feeling in front of them to gain their compassion. I dont have to. In fact, I am not angry with them. I am really different from other Chinese theology students. And I feel that the Chinese Christian community need such kind of different ministers in the future. It is not a easy way, but God call me to be one. Or the Chinese churches will always be like that. But I really want to gain answer from God. That is why. Why you dont give me that? Dont you know I need it? But only one scripture jump into my heart. It was in Matthew. When Peter fallen into water, Jesus catch him and say: "you of little faith, why did you doubt?" It is not an accusation for me, but an encouragement. God, in my mind, is really a strange guy. He never answer the question directly but he always point to the deepeset need in my heart.