I have been thinking to write something about my father after his sudden passing away early this year, but it was very hard to start. Writing about him made me think deeply about him as a father who, like many parents of children of my age born in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s in China, suffered so much and struggled so hard to raise his family. It also made me regret for many things that I wished I would have done differently while he was still alive. Losing a parent seemed too remote to happen to me and regretting should never have struck me because I had been a caring daughter. Now reality is so cruel that I could only wish the clock would rewind itself and time would go backward. Knowing the impossibility of bringing him back to life no matter what I would do makes me feel so powerless, which is such a hopeless feeling that could tear you apart and truly makes you pray for miracles.
