it reads too "Chinese" to me....linguistically, i mean....
i like the content of the poem, but it still needs work....
the "poem" is not quite there yet...
i don't know about your poems or what kind of poems you read, so i don't want to say too much....
maybe you'll share more so that i can too...
cheers!!
z.z.
知凡 发表评论于
问候"黄衫客"朋友!!!!!!
欢迎欢迎。。。
常来常来，“狐狸尾巴”翘起来:)
黄衫客 发表评论于
Hello,水滴(SD)，nice to meet you here! What's your "old" ID? Like to tell? I'm curious about it. :)
ZZ and YY, :), thank you for your warm welcome. I have some fun already. "Fox' tail" is an interesting description. :)))
Yes, ZZ, YY and I met earlier this year at Poetry Sky. I used a different ID there. As I remember, I met you too. :) .It has been quite a time... I also wrote an English version of my poem later, I have it attached here, like to hear your opinions!!!
Don’t drip, I’m sleeping
Icicles under my eaves are melting
Drops are falling one after another
on the stairs of my front door
The sound of dripping is waking me up
from my sleep, from my dream
oh, my dearest dream
I’m dreaming that I’m back at my hometown
It is night
and the moon is shining in the dark blue sky
The fragrance of the flower on the Chinese Scholar tree
is drifting in the air
and he is standing in the shadow of the tree
with a cigarette lightened
Don’t drip, icicles
Don’t wake me up
I’m sleeping
and I’m dreaming
I had a good dream yesterday
I dreamed about him and several our friends
Candles were lightening
and we were drinking
and talking
and singing
and he was hugging me tightly
The icicles under my eaves are melting
If the drops are my tears
then I’ll stop yelling
Really
I seldom have good dreams like these
If possible,
Mr Winter, don’t leave, please
So you can freeze the icicles up
once again and better,
if possible,
freeze the time also
freeze me like a hibernating insect
So I can keep sleeping
and keep dreaming
:)
LTG 发表评论于
YY:
黄衫终於露出了“狐狸尾巴”：)
[Ohhh, you are old friends???]
SD:
"...preoccupied by the vocal art, although most songs are kept to myself.:)"
that is called "self-fishing"....
:))
we all love your singing....you should share more...not just hiding....right?!
by水滴 发表评论于
I have been preoccupied by the vocal art, although most songs are kept to myself.:)
影云 发表评论于
黄衫终於露出了“狐狸尾巴”：)
欢迎欢迎：)
LTG 发表评论于
welcome, 黄衫客!!!
hope you'll have fun here....
cheers!!!
hi, SD, where have you been??
by水滴 发表评论于
Greeting to the new friend (Yellow cloak guest). This ID reminds me my "old" ID. :)
