Sorry if some of the pics came double, GMail has some bugs sometimes.
I hope your weekend went well...I had a wonderful time at Yosemite
this weekend, especially today. It was a clear blue sky, sunny and not
too cold, unless I was near a waterfall. Yesterday was snowing, and
that is when I hurt my knee, sliding down a snowy hill on an rubber
tube!
It was strange not speaking to you for almost two days. It felt long,
actually, and everytime I had a few moments to myself, I thought of
you...how you would love the scenery, how I'd like to show this place
to you someday. I guess there are a lot of places I have been that I
wish I could show you...there are many feelings I wish to share as
well.
Anyway, it was a little annoying having Ken's son and Chereen along.
Chereen has never been out in nature before, and Ken's son was
argumentative and didn't seem to appreciate the beauty around him like
Ken and I did. Other than that, it was a nice, quick little escape out
of town, and I love being able to do those.
I am real sorry I did not get to see you tonight, but all of our stuff
is still in the back of the truck, and it is hard to sort out all the
bags, etc. It would have taken me awhile to get over there, and I
didn't think it wise that you should wait.
Hopefully, I can get some time to see you before you open the store. I
will wait for your phone call, and truthfully, I can't wait to see
you. I hope I am not being too pushy or selfish, but not seeing you
makes me feel edgy and restless!
I have a lot of unpacking and cleaning to do tomorrow, as well as
laundry. It should be a pretty busy day, but I will have more than
enough flexibility to be around you for a time, if that's okay. I
missed you so much and dreamt of you last night...a good dream!
Hope you sleep well tonight, I am thinking of you...
I assume that Hao must have come home...you hung up so abruptly, I
wasn't sure why. I wanted to call you back, but I am not sure calling
your home number is the best thing...
My mind is so full of thoughts. I am trying to understand everything
you said, but I am not sure I have all the information. I hate
guessing about things, but my own fears leave me wondering all the
reasons for you and I not to see each other, and why the suddden
change in your feelings about it. I feel like when I left on Saturday,
things were alright. I return two days later, and all of a sudden I
feel you don't want to have anything to do with me. I know it is not
that simple, and I do know that it is not easy for you either. I am
just feeling emotionally confused...even though logic tells me that
you are right, it just feels confusing to me.
When you mentioned that we should wait 6 months to a year, and see if
things naturally work out the way we'd like, I was really confused.
Time alone doesn't change things, and even you having time apart
doesn't mean that Hao will change his suspicions, or his interrogating
of you. He must be obsessed to check receipts for time-stamps, and
things like that won't change, even over time.
I think I am just frustrated. When we were on the phone, I was
speechless. I felt my throat was swollen shut, and I had a huge knot
in my stomach. I wasn't sure how to explain my feelings. The truth is,
I am the last person in the world that should ask you of anything,
especially considering all you have done for me so far. I wish there
were some way I could make you happier in life, especially since your
position is so much harder than mine.
Please do not feel that you bare responsibility alone. I feel I am as
much at fault, if not more, for all of our problems. I am stubborn
too, and I feel I have been so selfish with your time and caring.
We could spend years apart, and I would still love you the same.
Someday you will believe that, I hope, and all of your doubts about me
will be gone. That is what I want...I don't know how that happens
either.
Please do not worry about hurting me, okay? You have done more good
for me than anyone ever has, and I will never forget that.
Not sure what to say...I am not making much sense right now anyway...
Hope all is well,
My feelings didn't change, that I know.
I spent time thinking, and realized that there is only one right way to solve the problem, if I want to solve the problem, not to putting it off and just hoping for the best. I am not aggressive, but I like to be in control of my life.
Time will tell...
