Only for A.........

20060709 22:53
今天在MSN上和你谈了一阵子。 你说我给你的‘EXAM’还没做好。你抱怨说题目太难。当然，人生交叉点的选择，如果只是简单的YES OR NO，那人的一生就会少很多喜怒哀了，儿女情长。我虽然昨夜未眠，焦急地等待你的回复。但是，我知道，如果你可以不假思索地回答我的问题，你的真诚程度就很值得怀疑。都已经等了那么长时间，再多几天也未为过吧？

当然，如果只是消极地望眼欲穿地等，那我只会度日如年。所以，刚才洗澡时，我忽然想到：我也应该作好心理准备，设想好你的一切可能的回答。我不知道我在你心里有多重。一次又一次，我怕我过于高估自己。与其到时被震撼所击倒，不如现在提前打上预防针。虽然到时还是会很痛，但起码我可以尽量减少爱情上的挫折对我其它生活的负面影响。

In a word, the essential question is based on 'whether you L me or just appreciate my L for you, whether it's L or friendship'

1)if you don't really L me, but still want to be friends -> Well, I hope we can still be close friends like before in future. But before we can make it, please free my hands, and let me stay alone for a while. You know my feeling towards you is much more than friendship, so I do need some time to adjust myself. I won't say I won't keep in touch with you forever. You are still a good guy, and it's always a pleasure for me to talk to you and listen to you. But, I just need time to face the fact, and change my feelings. What can you do to help me? Say something direct and decisive (please make sure you do state it clearly). It's like doing an operation, your motion has to be fast and unwaving. Don't say anything to comfort or pity me, otherwise I will still have illusion or hope on you. It hurts the patient a lot, but it's much better than letting her suffer for long time. Don't msg me or email me or read my diary anymore in the next few months. I hope I will be strong enough to fully recover by December. Then I can meet you in HK as an old friend.




2)if you don't know how much L you have for me --> well, then we are postponing the exam again. We will let time examine everything. One of my readers was telling me that 'time can precipitate all the heavy feelings, the ones that are very important to you, so you can see them clearly at the end'. Thus, he did suggest me to wait till December. He also said 'if he really L you, he won't walk out because of this half year of separation; if he doesn't L you that much, he will still leave no matter there's half year of separation or not''. I guess he's right. So, if you can't make your decision, let time do it for us. But, please let me know when you want to walk out though. I don't want to be very stupid to keep writing email to a wall.....




3) If you do L me, but feel helpless to do anything --> I understand. But, just tell me what you want to do with me.
3a)Keep on with our current relationship (i.e. have some secret emails once a while), or 3b) go back to friends?
I will respect any decision you make. I always want you to live happily, so just tell me what to do, I will follow it.
as for 3b), if you prefer go back to friends, fine. The solution will be similar to (1), but no need to be that cruel off course.
as for 3a), if you want to keep it, I will have enough courage to take it on. In that case, I won't ask for too much. As long as you still L me, then msg/send me something sweet once a week or so. It doesn't need to be long, a phrase/a sentense or even putting 'L' at the end of your mail is good enough. It just lets me know that you are still by my side. Sometimes it's difficult for me to understand your heart from your regular words......(hope this won't scare you.....) Then one day, if you feel you are too tired or find someone else, and want to quit, make sure you inform me before you leave. Then do the same thing as I told you in (1).


Here's the last thing I want to say, read it only if you belong to case 3a). Otherwise, skip it please.....















我需要的并不是太多。我只希望我的苦心经营你能感受到，会给我支持。 路就算再艰难，只要我知道你还在我身边，你还愿意走下去，我就会义无返顾。