Forward:
It became a real challenge to write up the romance, love and break-up between Emma and me. Last night I wrote several editions including elegant one, elaborated one even romantic one. In the end I discarded all these attempts because none of them were able to depict my feelings about her and subsequently hurtings which we both are undergoing now. Finally I took the approach of the simplicity leaving the intimate details out for us only.
We kissed N times as you were ready to cross security check point at JFK Airport. Your beautiful green eyes filled with tears showing your sadness. I urged you to go for not missing the flight to
Yes, my body was extremely exhausted after previous night’s passion but my mind was so sharp that I could hear the lover’s kissing sound 40 feet away. I could feel that the emptiness was eroding me as unwavering as the warm ocean waves chip way the mighty glacier in May
A thin layer of dust has accumulated on the piano, yet I didn’t want to clean it because I wrote your name there Almost two months passed I haven’t practice a single session on the piano, I don’t want touch the keys because you have left. Playing a bit guitar made me to wonder why it didn’t sound as manly as it did in the past.
When I told you over the phone my decisions to trade in my Hummer H2 and to move on my life forward without you. I could feel you were crying, no I should say, weeping at other end. Yet, You didn’t know three minutes silence you gave me made me beyond pale in my end. “I’ll miss you both” was your last word before you hung up on me. That was your only time cut me off on the phone, ever. But I couldn’t blame you.
To let tears to rise in my eyes could be the most distant memory I have. Since I was a little kid who was running around and falling down a lot and getting hurt often I was taught by my father to be strong and to suppress the tear to be real boy. Growing up I have disciplined myself to be a man at any rough moment. I believe a good man will never cry. When my snowmobile flipped and I lost conscious temporarily by hitting a pine tree near the slope at a ski resort in Vermont you held my head in your chest ensured me that ambulance would be there in any minute. You kept begging me “Baby, you can cry, it’ll make you feel better” I didn’t cry. I was still kidding you even my head felt as if it was about to explode. “Sweetie, it is too late.” I labored my breath “My parents have removed my tear secretion gland already” my words made you to giggle and your tears on your eyelashes reminded me morning dews. You kissed me “Baby, I love you” and your tears kept dripping into my mouth. It tasted a bit salty.
Unopened emails from you have piled up in my inbox box. So do the msgs in my voice mail box. I don’t want hear your voice or read your writings and I am afraid of being washing away by you. But I promise, I will read and listen all of them later. I promise the marks you left in my life will be indelible. Emma , you and your beloved city Glasgow will be my heart forever.
