鱼 和 熊 掌 (1) (图)

Introduction:

Originally I was thinking to invoke my Fifth Amendment Right from US Constitution for not answering the comments left by 落花飘零 and 浦江客. But on the second thought, I realized that if I don’t clarify my point I am facing risks to mislead readers. As a result, my intents would be ‘Lost in Translation’.

I am fully aware that the choice of career-bound or home-bound for a woman is a complex and controversial one, no matter how you slice it or dice it. But I’d still like to give my earnest and honest try to explain my reasoning in order to hope bridging the miles wide gap a bit closer between two camps without further “incriminating” myself.

                                                      鱼 和 熊 掌 (1)

First thing first, the crux of question I raised was like this: can a career minded* (see my definition below before jumping your conclusion too soon) woman have both namely solid relationship/marriage and professional advancement at same time? The answer form my vantage point is a ‘NO’, or at best the relationship itself would run high risk than otherwise. Granted, I am not an expert on marriage or relationship and my thinking just reflects male’s opinion. Nevertheless, based upon my past experiences I found it could be very rocky to establish a meaningful and productive relationship with a career-minded girl. For example, once upon a time (about two years ago but it sounds like 古代 ) I dated an upcoming young female attorney who was working for a famous law firm in mid town Manhattan. Let me call her Karen. The dating had only lasted for about four weeks before we mutually agreed to call it off. Why? It was not because we didn’t attract to each other. It was neither because we lived in miles apart. The real issue was that we both were so soaked in our work (climbing corporate ladder) that we barely had time to go for a movie and had a sit-down dinner without being interrupted by emails and phone-rings on our blackberries or next day’s work. If we needed to clear up our schedules to make an appointment to see each other on dates, what should I expect when we’d add the ingredients of marriage, in-laws and kids into the ‘mixer’? Could it be unsatisfied marriage, separation, divorce, single parent? I didn’t have the answer but my common sense told me ‘it wasn’t looking good’.

Interestingly, about one month ago on a week day night around 9:45 PM, I bumped into Karen at the corner drug store while I was picking up some spring water and a package of bathroom tissues. In her shopping basket there were feminine care stuff and variety of chocolate power bars and a pint of her favorite brand ice cream.

Karen: “Hey, stranger, what is up?” She tried to be funny to dilute her embarrassment as she saw me.

Me: “Not much, and you?” I smiled back politely.

Karen: “SOSO (meaning: Same old same old)”, she responded.

Silence set in as I was flipping though a popular magazine at casher line and Karen was typing on her blackberry behind me.

Karen: “Have you seen anyone?” She put her blackberry into the holder and broke the silence.

Me: “Not really, and you?” I turned the table around.

Karen: “Me neither.” She answered.

Me: “Will you like to pay first?” I offered her to stay in front of me.

Karen: “Thanks, still sweet, ah ?” She took my offer and paid the casher.

Me: “Good Night Karen”, I said to Karen as she was standing there.

Karen: “Bye”, she replied and then her lips moved a little. It seemed she wanted to say something but instead she swallowed her unspoken words and walked away.

I could only guess what she might want to say would be simple as “Call me” But looking at her slanted shoulder by the sheer weight of her heavy leather bag with court papers, a shadow of sorry crept into my mind. “What is the point for me to fool myself?” “Do I really want to spend my time with a girl who eats power bar for dinner while typing her case preparation?” “Can any right minded man or any decent kids want to have her for his wife or mom?” You would be the judge.

It is not how cynical or pessimistic I am which I am not. It is about simple law of physics and human nature & behaviors. We are all notoriously susceptible to be problematic when stress at work or at home strikes us. It is very difficult for two individuals who work long hours and face stressful climate day in day out and not bring the ‘garbage’ home. If it happens, it can be poisoning and even detrimental to relationship. But if a woman stays at home and take good care of her kids including occasionally act as a shrink and listener for her man, things can be very different. In my mind, home should be like harbor to a ship; it would give peace for a restful night and replenish the passion and strength for the captain’s next journey.

No doubt, there are many women who are working, happily married and nurturing their kids for Ivy League. But it is just that on the way they would be more likely to call quit on their marriage than stay-at-home women. It is my own opinion, if it is not for economic reason; home-bound women including those who have higher education would have more smooth life and fulfilled relationship in long run.

In financial world, people say “High risk generates high return.” But that is because mutual fund managers do it with OPM (Other People’s Money). There is a big difference when coming down to my life and my future. I’d rather take a safer approach because a career-mined woman would be like a high risk investment instrument to me.

Note:  The phrase  "career minded/bound woman" , in my mind, means someone value  her career  advancement more than anything else.