What exactly is a soul mate? The one person in all the world, in all your life, who is meant to love you and only you? Who understands you deeply and fully and accepts you for who you are? Who you are destined to be with, if only you can find each other . . . in this lifetime?
I understand the draw to the idea of a soul mate: it carries with it a mystical, larger-than-life quality, as if a person were sent to you from the past or the future, a divine emissary, cast from the hand of God. It's also a great romantic idea: how better to re-imagine our lives or current relationship than through the lens of "if only I knew my soul mate." With this soul mate by your side, your life would be perfect, right? You wouldn't feel sad, stressed, or alone? Everything in your life would fall into place . . . as if my magic.
You've probably guessed that I am a reluctant believer in the concept of a soul mate. I think it's an abstract ideal that can often be a distraction to us, keeping our heads in the stars rather on what is real, and full of life in the here and now. If someone gets attached to such an ideal, they are less likely to feel motivated to accept and love the people who are in their lives. They are less likely to accept themselves as imperfect as well. They are also less likely to try to make a loving relationship work.
However, I do believe that soul mates can be created. We all can learn to love more fully, forgive imperfections (our own as well as those of the people we love in our lives), and in that spirit, give that person, that partner, that spouse, the potential to be a soul mate.