I am daughter, I am mother, I am also wife. I pursue true self. On the way, I am puzzled, I feel uncomfortable, I made mistakes, sometimes I doubt myself, I still persist.
Part of the reason we feel lost and confused is that it’s not just our peers we’ve tuned out, but also the supposed experts who in the past gave us calm reassurances. Not anymore. We no longer trust our institutions and their “authoritative” answers. We live in an information age, so when our doctor offers a prescription, we don’t just accept their script and start serving up pills to our tots. No. Instead we hurry on home to do our own primary research, only to be deluged with conflicting opinions. Who’s right? Whose advice do we follow? What if we get it wrong?
As the ultimate decision maker for our children, we feel the only solution is to gain our own mastery in an ever-growing number of domains: everything from how to treat an ear infection right down to the biochemistry of Tupperware at various heating points, and so on and so forth, ad infinitum. And who benefits? Well, let’s just remember that worry sells, and mothers spend billions annually calming that worry.
Can you relate to all of this? Have I painted a picture that captures the essence of our mothering mania, the ride we all want to get off of?
As a therapist and coach, I have worked with a great many mothers who have found tremendous relief in giving up the Good Mom myth. It doesn’t mean you blow off motherhood and childrearing or any other backlash response. Instead, this book is a chance to explore a new way of thinking. It’s a chance to open our eyes to a new and positive framework for building loving families, to learn how people grow, develop, and relate whit one another. Don’t worry – there will also be sex, intrigue, power struggles, tantrums, hair-brained husbands, and battering siblings; it’s not just a psychology book! I will show you the myths that bring our families unneeded troubles, and pragmatic techniques for doing things differently that you can try out immediately.
We’re going to be undoing some of your early programming, so cut yourself some slack! Don’t be afraid to have a laugh. I’m going to tease you and motherhood in the chapters to come, not to be mean, but to remind all of us to keep the weight of this as light as possible. THAT is the attitude in place, we’ll learn to hang onto the aspects of our mothering that are working well, and to carefully discard anything that hinders us from what we really need to be doing: raising great kids and enjoying our families!
(to be continued)
