A happy little girl

I guess usually children are less concerned about things than adults. They seem happy all the time. However recall the time when I was a kid, although I was also easy to be satisfied like other kids, it seems there were things that I wished.

Back to 70’s in Shanghai/>/>, we didn't have enough things to enjoy life like the kids today, most of things were required stamps, like meat, oil, soap, eggs, etc.. My brother and I were lucky because my father was a senior manager in a famous department store, in charge food department. We always had more than our neighbors. In a certain period, each night after dinner, we would have dark chocolate. It looked like rocks, random sharps, but was pure dark chocolate. We were only allowed to bite one bite. As a kid, I wished I could keep it in my mouth as long as I could. It melted quickly though. Nowadays when I walk in a supermarket again and look at the dark chocolate, though I can buy as much as I want, it won't taste the same any more.

One of the other things would make me happy was the day I received a new issue of my subscribed magazines, or teen-readings. We had many kinds of movie magazines which were my favors, and photography and science which my brother liked, and reading stuff. I thought it might have been a big influence to me for my later interests. Movies, reading, photography are among my interests now. If you have a kid, I would recommend you to subscribe magazines which might intrigue their interests, or at least you tend to give them a guide.

Like other kids, I was always happy to have new clothes or a new pair of shoes before a new year, sometimes even it was used clothes which I got from my old brother. One time it was a grey jacket with zipper on, I thought it was so cool, didn't like the color, but had envied when my brother put in on. The sleeves were too long. I used rub bands to fold them in, which worked pretty well.

I always liked Shanghainess pork buns. It has its special taste. I remember there was a small bun store on the way home from school. The steam pork buns were so delicious there, it would make my day if I was able to get two of them. One cost 5.5 cents, two for 11 cents. I only got 1 cent each day from my grandfather as allowance. So it was like eating a big piece of steak now. The buns were pure white with some juicy spots under the skin. The best ones were when they just came out from a steamer--soft, juicy and a little sweetness, out of the world.. I thought if one day I could make money myself, I would come to get a whole layer of a steamer, total 6, 33 cents. That was my dream. Now I believe the store is gone.

As a little girl, I dreamed to grow up quickly, so that I could use a bra, and wear high heels, like my mom and other aunts. I liked to put handkerchief under my shirt, made fake ones then looked into a mirror—Wow, a cool girl with big tits. However when the first time I had my period, I was shocked, ashamed, cried silently. That was the moment I hated to be a girl. I used to like long hair, braids. I had a red hat with two strips which was like two old style braids. I loved to put it on even it wasn't cold, just for the fake braids. I would turn my head back and forth to make the braids jump from my back to my chest, it was fun!

I wished I would not have any exams, or homework so that my mom would stop bugging me "Did you finish your homework yet?" or "How did you do in your exam". Later when I turned to a teenage, I wished I could go out without worrying about what time I should return home. I wished I could go out in evenings like other girls did.

The first year in college, I was hurt badly by my mom when the first time I got a love letter from a boy that I was fond of. My mom opened my letter without my permission. What a disaster! I cried desperately, thought why I didn’t have this freedom to read my own letters. That was the end of my first year in college. The boy was in senior year in my major. He was graduating. They went to a factory in countryside to finish their projects so he wrote me the first letter. After then we corresponded for two months when he was away. I always read his letters again and again until I could recite them in my mind. It turned out later that his father was a very famous movie reviewer in Shanghai/>/>. We dated until one day I told him not to call me anymore since I realized I could not concentrate on my study at all, he occupied my mind. Otherwise I couldn't finish my school. I had my first kiss with him in a park, he was shivering. I was told that I was a good kisser since then.

Past has gone, will never return, I am writing my history everyday here. It is hard to imagine that my mom’s little girl now lives alone on the other side of the Earth. Every morning we get up and they go to sleep, we make turns to guard Mr.Sun and Ms.Moon. I am in US now, the free coutnry as everyone knows, I can read as many as love letters (emails) as long as I receive them. However recall the old days, like the dark chocolate, it tastes so differently. I miss the heart beatings and the blushes.

I am trying to be happy everyday here with absence of my family.

Where is the little happy girl? ---I am here~~~~ I heard an echo rambling around.