Hello Jellis,
This topic you have brought up is complex and goes very deep. What
you will find is that even if you don't stutter, that entering into
a conversation with normal fluent speakers going at full pace will
create a barrier.
While others enter straight in, we tend to wait for a pause,
however what you will find is that the pause will not come.
As for myself, I attempt put myself in their situation and try to
feel how they feel. However what I find is that my mind rejects this
and I feel very threatened by them. If I read the under lying body
language between people having a conversation in full swing I read
it as aggressive. I try to reframe it into a safer non-threatening
feeling. But so far to be honest I have not managed to do it, even
if I CAN enter into the conversation.
Something I do, which I think most people in this group will NOT
agree with. I actively seek to make my conversational skills
Dominating. Previously I perceived a conversation as person A speaks
then person B speaks then person A speaks on equal terms. But after
observing people again and again what I found was that person A
speaks and person B listens and agrees. Even if person B speaks it
is only to agree with person A. Person A will hold and control the
conversation, they will allow person B to speak.
My 'Personal' view in group conversations is that there is one or
two dominant controllers and several listeners(Passive). Only when
the dominant speakers allows then the Passive speakers can speak.
Extending this further into stuttering. When we are in conversation
with a group of fluent speakers we are at the bottom of the food
chain. meaning we are the most passive. If you see it from this
view it says that the only reason why we can't enter into
conversation is because the dominant speakers don't allow it. That
is why the pause never opens up. because the more dominant speakers
are having a influencing/convincing war with each other.
Try this little experiment. Sit in a public area and obverse people
having a conversation at a distance, so you can't hear them. Now
pick the person speaking the most and put yourself into their
position speaking the way they speak. And feel what they feel. When
ever I do this, I feel like I'm about the punch the other person I'm
speaking too. All I can feel is aggression and spite, when I don't
even know the topic of conversation. This my own personal feelings
you may feel different. But this is what I try to reframe. I also
believe this is what my inner feelings pick up when I speak to
people. But this is only a small portion of the overall picture.
Good topic by the way, does anyone else have any other comments.
Max Stringer.
