开篇:读高英姬《林肯蹭痒，百姓遭殃》

经常在媒体新闻、网上网下看到稀奇古怪之事。古今中外事，觉着新鲜逗乐好玩的就想把他们记录下来，但总因为怕写不好笔太慢而惧动。今天读了高英姬的《林肯蹭痒，百姓遭殃》受到了好文采的刺激，忌妒之余干脆就把该文窃了过来作为开篇，就算是范文吧:

录高英姬: 《林肯蹭痒，百姓遭殃》

左思右想，老美们在饭店就餐时为什么爱看书报呢？可以肯定不是装模作样，也不是故作风雅。今天我终于悟出了其中缘由：饭菜不可口，难以下咽，干点其他的以转移注意力，吞下那些维持生命的必需food。 孩子小时，每每不张嘴吃饭，作父母的一般都用此注意力转移大法，I bet。

记得有次老公的朋友们正大块朵颐、大加赞赏我做的炒饭和黑椒牛肉片时，收音机里恰好在播放我最爱之一歌星Carpenter的动人歌曲，我不知天高地厚借题发挥大放厥词：在中国我几乎没听说有谁得厌食症（anorexia）而丧命的，原因就在于我们中国食品不仅注重营养还注重色香味。同一种食品，不同地方做法不同，不象你们美国食品，视觉味觉千篇一律，很容易让人倒胃口，云云。全体反驳我，不管用的，事实胜于雄辩。

言归正传，林肯蹭痒，百姓遭殃。

今天在一饭店那横七竖八乱糟糟的报纸堆里淘出“莫得思脱蜜蜂报＝The Modesto Bee”A & B 版，胡乱翻着，就着一杯苦咖啡，陪老公enjoy one of the most beautiful moment every day，(he said)。

B版头条配着一张照片，两大牛一小牛犊在绿茵茵的草地上悠闲自在地迈方步。照片说明是：Lincoln, left......看到这，我的大脑立马呈现出伟大的总统－－林肯那蓄着大胡子的瘦削脸庞。看图片左侧，是一头牛，除了牛还是牛，林肯跑哪去了？

Lincoln, left, is the offending bull whose urge to scratch an itch in a pasture on Gilbert Road led to a series of mysterious power failures in the north Oakdale area. 原来如此，此林肯并非美国最伟大的总统之一也，而是加州中部 Oakdale 的一头捣蛋牛。

在我们中国有避讳之说，谁有胆量敢把一伟人的神圣大名安在一头牛身上？吃了豹子胆的也不一定有此勇气，除非不想活了。Culture shock, 至今我无法接受这种乱命名文化；子承父姓，天经地义，而父子同名，女随母号，我老觉得别别扭扭，大逆不道。

Every so often, Lincoln, a 1.500-pound Black Angus bull, gets an itch that needs scratching. 记得在哪里见过这么一个说法：人有三样东西是忍不住的，一是鼻子发痒打喷嚏，二是喉咙发痒咳嗽，三是心发痒谈恋爱。盖高级动物痒了都无法忍受，何况牛乎？

When that happens, anything--a rock, a tree, another animal--will do. But Lincoln is pretty improvisational（可理解为：就地取材 吗？）, as bulls go.

There is a power pole in the pasture......It is supported by a guy wire(牵引索加固)......That twisted-cable guy wire, Lincoln discovered, makes a pretty decent scratching post. 如果没人解释或查字典，我永远无法理解什么是 a guy wire。

Every time Lincoln got the itch to scratch, as many as 3,400 Pacific Gas & Electric Co. customers lost their electricity. 各位， 看到了吧， 林肯蹭痒，百姓遭殃。

在一个月里，the power went out at least six or seven times, 有人说more than that.  Mostly, the failures were merely flickers that lasted only a few seconds before the system reset itself after detecting no damage to the equipment. 是这样啊。

Here's the rub: Every time Lincoln would rub up against the guy wire, the two 17,000-volt power lines high above the ground would start swinging and collide, triggering the system''s shutdown mechanisms. 林肯啊林肯，你真是个trouble-maker.

Every time the power went out, they（工人们）went out to look for the usual signs of trouble: wires that had become entangled and burned, dead squirrels and even dead gopher snakes atop transformers--dropped there by hawks that need table space for their dinner. The crew found no telltale signs. 这段很生动有趣。

刚到美国时， 不知gopher这种美洲特有打洞高手。曾在后院一角种了几棵青菜，有一天发现菜与根部分家，好像被一刀砍断， 旁边是莫名其妙的一堆松土，我和儿子把这与美国的科幻片一联系，my goodness, 美国的确多怪物，可怕，好几天寝食不安。又有一天，在后院浇水时，看到地面上有一个像小孩子的拳头般大小的圆洞，一时兴起，顺便往洞里灌水，脚站酸了，手发麻了，也没见水溢出，好似无底洞。我吓坏了，百思不得其解。愣怔了许久，突发奇想，把皮管往洞里塞，看看有多深？手感告诉我洞是笔直向下的，倒没费多大的劲儿，终于触到底，拔出来用尺子一量，足足14 feet。 我的第一直觉：有鬼，absolutely！否则好好的地，为什么凭空有一个如此深的洞呢？忐忑不安度过半天，当当家的回到家，我忙不迭地向他汇报，这才知道北美的这一奇物， 其打洞力及破坏力惊人。

Crews replaced an older transformer......but the blackouts kept coming......Sunday night and Monday morning, though, Lincoln must have itched more than usual. 痒也有时段吗？不可思议。

Leverett patrolled the entire system by helicopter. He saw nothing out of the ordinary. Lincoln 造成的麻烦让PG&E付出蛮大的代价，损失惨重。

So he had his crew walk the line looking for the problem. This time, they didn't just look up at the lines. They inspected everything. On a ranch about a mile north of the Stanislaus River, they noticed black and brown hairs snagged in the twisted-cable guy wire. 苦了工人们，但功夫不负有心人，找到了telltale sign 。

Across the field, Lincoln stood among a herd of cows. He seemed content--the crew surmised--because his itch had been scratched. 让人哭笑不得的“林肯总统”。

最后看看PG&E公司是如何解决林肯蹭痒的难题。

PG&E workers have since buried a pole deep in the ground alongside the guy wire. Lincoln now uses the pole for a scratching post to shed his winter coat, but he can't move it enough to get the wires swinging. They also tightened
the power lines, and today will install a mechanism that will limit the next blackout to the ranch where Lincoln lives.

总统毕竟是总统，待遇就是与众不同。

So the next time Lincoln gets the itch, 3,400 customers won't have their power scratched.

美好结局，皆大欢喜。

但我有个疑问：PG&E公司花了那么多的人力、物力、财力，这一切的费用由谁买单呢？Lincoln的主人要不要承担一定比例的开销？

英语段落来自于2007年3月15日The Modesto Bee
感谢原作者Jeff Jardine
他的email 是：[e-mail]

英姬同志好文采。至于林肯蹭痒由谁买单，我倒是知道一些。电力公司PG&E是加州的一家Utility公司(全名Pacific Gas and Electric Company，为民服务历史超过百年)，而Utility公司的价格与费用一般都由州政府管制，原则是"取之于民用之于民"。林肯的费用应该是先由公司垫付，日后再反馈到价格增值中去。