如何对付 a condescending jerk？

公司里有这么个人，几年之前发生过一个小插曲，让我认清了他是一个condescending 的jerk, 于是不再和他来往。还好没有直接工作关系，同在一个公司工作几年相安无事。 不幸的是，最近一个项目要和他直接合作。事情就这样发生了。

开始这个项目以来，我对他当然是公事公办，没什么笑脸。他照样是言谈举止上表现出自以为是，粗鲁轻视, 对我的工作几次提出无理的要求，我也没跟他计较多少。 直到今天，详情不多说了，总之是以轻视粗鲁的口气来教我如何做我的工作。我当时气炸了，跟他争论几句之后，感觉到心要从嘴里跳出来了。于是赶紧离开现场，去做深呼吸…

心跳正常一点之后，去老板办公室跟他谈了。他说别人也有跟他抱怨过此人，但从我的嘴里出来，看起来比较严重。（整个公司里上上下下，谁我都能处好，就是此人我不能容忍）。 他说要不把整个team都找来谈谈？我说好吧。于是叫来4个team members. 一个白男，一个白女，一个亚男，我一个亚女。 Compare notes 的结果，白男跟他没事，白女认为他性别歧视她，亚男认为他也歧视，但每次都马上反击，而我就不用多说了。

会议之后，我的老板跟jerk 的老板谈了一个小时。 下班前，我的老板告诉我明天上午他的老板会跟jerk谈关于歧视/轻视人的态度问题。 然后下午会再召集一个team member 会，包括jerk 在内，讨论工作界限问题。老板说我可以但最好不要在会上提他的态度问题。

不知道他老板跟他谈后，这个jerk 会不会收敛一点。如果不改，我该怎么面对或对付他而不至于气出心脏病？


后记：

第二天他对我的态度变得很好了, 看来他老板说了他... 下午他的老板（VP)召集我的老板及所有team 又开了一个会，表示要对人尊重，不要"step on others toes" 等. 会后我老板问我是否满意，我说满意。真是很感激他所作的这一切。

网友的建议：
There could be two different approaches to consider:

1. After the next not-too-big-not-too-small incident, get him into a room for a private conversation. Stare straight at him and tell him directly that his manner is offending and unacceptable. Tell him that you cannot work with him like this. This shows that you know what he's doing and you are not intimedated by him. Keep your cool and carry out the conversation. Do not finish in a hurry and then flee. He may argue, dismiss everything you say, or say sorry. Regardless, be firm. If he behaves badly, tell him that it's all you want to say, and make sure he leaves first (try something like "Can you excuse me, I need to use the phone here", or "finish something you're working on". If necessary bring your laptop so you can stay and he leaves. It's just a subtle territorial game.

This strategy is to show your agressiveness without hurting his PUBLIC ego.

2. White male chauvinists are typically so full of themsevles. They are either bad brats, lack of confidence about themselves deep inside, or both. This strategy is show him your supremacy in superfluous ways. For exmaple, talking about your brand new luxury car, a 2.5-carat shiny diamond:), an exotic vacation, an expensive dinner outing. And glance over him with 同情的眼光. When talking directly to him, speak with a salt of contempt. Basically let him feel that you are way out of his league.

Don't take these too seriously. :) There wouldn't be jerks if there's a cure. There are problems that simply cannot be solved. This could well be one of them. Keep your cool and sense of humor, ignore him, take a day or two off and dump everything on him at the right time, etc. Hope you can get out of the misery soon. When you do, tell you boss that if you are ever assigned to work with him again, you are going to take a LOA to see a shrink.

网友的忠告：

我妈妈就是在上班时和同时争执工作问题，突发脑溢血过世的，如果血压过高的，一定要小心。
他说他的，你按你BOSS的要求做就是了，实在烦了，就让他跟你BOSS说去，你不听他说，当他空气，透明，没回应，一个巴掌拍不响，相信他也无趣了吧。现在想想我妈多不值呀。