琴声 母亲疼爱我，说我生于二月二，龙抬头，老想把我培养成个才子佳人。我也挺听话，母亲叫学什么，我就学什么，从不反感抵触。在母亲的眼里我是好孩子乖孩子，一直不相信我在外面调皮滋事。小学三年级的时候，空军保卫部门的一个干部找到母亲，说我把家里的照相机拿到王府井委托行给卖掉了，母亲连说不可能，结果翻了半天也没找到，我说确实给偷偷卖掉了。母亲没说什么，还是盼着望子成龙，不久就带着我学京胡去了。 记得是通过空军大院一位的母亲认识了一位住在四号楼姓宋的叔叔。这位宋叔叔长得黑胖黑胖的，拉着一手好京胡，他从小就在戏班子里混，参军以后只能业余拉了。他待我挺好，手把手地让我先端正坐姿，然后琴弓一拉一送，京胡就吱溜溜地发声了。当时要么我岁数太小，要么老艺人没收过徒弟，我一去就让我拉，也没给我讲过京胡入门，我半年下来没见过琴谱是什么样，就连拉的是什么自己都说不清，也许过去老艺人传艺就是这个样子。我认识宋叔叔的时候，他的心脏病已很严重，自己已经不能拉胡了，他把心爱的京胡放在白布袋里送给了我，让我回家后自己练。又过了一段时间，我去看他的时候，他正处于心脏病抢救状态，我放下京胡就走了，从此再没有摸过京胡。不管怎样，那吱吱溜溜的琴声在我幼小的心灵里播下了一颗小小的音乐种子。 一九六八年的空军地勤突然千树万树梨花开，从一九六八年至一九七零年，成百上千个时代精英涌进了空军地勤。为什么我这么断言呢？我认为主要原因有二，一是大学不招生，入伍当兵成了那个时代的最佳选择；二是空军地勤一直就需要高文化素质的年青人，文革时再“突出政治”，飞机也得安全上去，安全下来啊，空军在各地招地勤兵的时候特别强调文化水平。一九七零年以后，大学开始招收工农兵学员，一部分精英被分流到了大学。 一九七零年我到安徽蚌埠空军四十五师的时候，正是这些精英们八仙过海各显神通的时候。师有师级演出队，正在排演京剧《奇袭白虎团》，有自己的乐队伴奏。参加师级演出队的干部战士全部常年脱产，每天专业排练演出。各团有自己的业余演出队，半脱产，多在重大节日前一个月集中排练，然后进行会演评比。由于时代的久远和当时的条件，我现在无法跟踪到这些精英们现在的情况，我想他们中很多人会长期活跃在各地的舞台和文艺单位。场站有一位六九年的北京兵叫李义，他当年白白的脸，相声说的特别好，已显露出相当的专业才干。上世纪九十年代在北京我偶尔在北京电视台上看到他表演相声，只不过名气没有马季那么大而已。我当兵没多久就参加了团一级的业余演出队，我们排练的是集体舞，我在前面打红旗。参加排练自由多了，经常自己跑到蚌埠市去玩，记得有一年耿颖川来蚌埠办展览，他认出了我，我们一块去二马路吃的冰激凌，回来后我拉了一个星期肚子。 这个师长期积累和留用了一批音乐指挥人才。每个基层建制单位每天都要唱歌，要唱歌就得有人会指挥。师团开军人大会前，都要互相拉歌赛歌，音乐指挥是一个单位的门面。我们地勤大队的指挥是个叫宦宏坤的老兵，无锡人。他比我大十岁，对我很好，经常给我讲一些音乐基础知识，阿炳的《二泉印月》就是他告诉我的。他多用手风琴定音，没见他用过定音器。不过他的指挥水平还排不上到全师大会上指挥，师级指挥是个武汉人，两口子都是从军区文工团下来的专业演员。 跟这些精英们在一起永远有学不完的东西，尽管我当时只是个十几岁的孩子，他们告诉我通过音乐能够辨别我们国家的政治风向。有一位上海兵，姓陶，喜欢作曲，部队很多的节目都是他谱的曲。一九七零年庐山会议以后，特别是九一三事件前后，他靠他的音乐敏感慢慢地感觉出政治有变。他对我说，原来我们每天必唱的歌是《东方红》和大海航行靠舵手》，现在换成了《国际歌》和《三大纪律八项注意》，中央肯定有大变动。那年十一会演他把《三大纪律八项注意》主题调揉进了他自己的作曲，为此他立了三等功。半个月后全国上下开始传达林彪机毁人亡的消息，从此我又学了个音乐心眼。 文革中的部队虽然外国小说不让看，西洋乐器还是让人学的。有个机械师，好像也是上海人，个子不高，练小提琴入了迷，一心想当个提琴大师。他一有空就拉琴，领导经常批评他不误正业，他还带有一种上海人独有的傲气，一般人不会放在眼里的，对我也是一样。有一次，我想跟他学认五线谱，他说，小潘，你学不会，我一气之下回去自己认了起来。后来我想跟他学琴，他说，我十九岁了，再练也出不了名。我没听他的，找了把琴没日没夜地拉起了《法拉拉》练习曲。 琴是张渝林帮找的。张渝林，武汉兵，二胡拉得很好，达到了独奏水平，他能指导我听音定音。每天晚饭后，我到空旷的机场上开始拉空弦，那把提琴音质相当好，加上用的是二胡弓子，放出的弦音宏厚极了。过了几天，有人传话到了我耳朵里，说这样练琴中队领导有看法，那个时代，什么都不学才是最好的。我没有办法只有改拉歌了，准备在中队晚会上演出。在张渝林的帮助下，练了一首《北风吹》，还真拉出来了，这是有生以来拉出的第一首歌，也是最后一首。我看出了中队长史庆玉对我和张渝林越来越不满，第二年他就把张渝林给整复员了，以后的两年我在他的手下也没有好果子吃，我在部队几年的辛苦差点付之东流。 从此我见琴就怕，再也不愿意听到琴声，我真后悔学了几个月的提琴，拉乱了我跟领导的正常关系。到后来我上了大学，学校里同学们每年都要排练出丰富多彩的文艺节目，我一次也没有去看过，有的同学告诉我节目中有马筠初的小提琴独奏，马筠初进安大前是合肥乐团的专业演员，我也没去欣赏过，因为我怕琴声把我带回到蚌埠，带回到那个可气又可笑又无知的年代。 04/05/07 A Story of Mountain and River Once upon a time, there was famous musician in ancient China named Ya. Ya was very clever since he was little. He was also very lucky that he got a good teacher called Cheng. Ya followed him for three years, and became a good musician. But he still worried his art level, he want to go higher and higher. Teacher Cheng told Ya that he had already given everything to him. If Ya wanted to learn more , Teacher Cheng would introduce another teacher who might be good to Ya. Ya said it’s OK. They prepared enough food and went to East Sea by boat. When the boat reached an island called PengLai Mountain, Teacher Cheng said: “Ya, you wait here , and I will go to pick up the master.” Then teacher Cheng went away..Ya waited and waited and waited for Teacher Cheng’s showing up. For many days Ya stayed at the island by himself. He looked at the sea which sea water ups and downs like mountains, and he looked at the fores which is very quiet and birds singing. At this moment Ya felt a special music tone coming out from his heart. Soon he understood that this situation given by Teacher Cheng which helped him to get better understanding of music in the nature world..Ya stayed alone, the sea was his friends and the birds were his company.. His feelings changed naturally and greatly. He almost got to the heart of the art. He understood that only at this point one could write the master music tone. Ya became a famous musician not long after that, but only few could understand his music. Ya was appointed as music officer by the King of China in charge of collecting music tones everywhere specially in the middle of China, where one day he and his follower went by boat. During the trip they met a big storm, and they saw the water up and down and big black cloud over their head. Because the bad weather they had to find a place near the river waiting the good weather coming out. The storm did not stop until night. Ya came out from the boat cabinet. He looked at the moon staying in the beautiful clear sky, and its shadow in the water, and the birds birding in the quiet night. What he saw gave him a good feeling to play a song. He grabbed his instrument out of the cabinet and played in front of the sky and the sea.. Unfortunately one string broke even before he finished the first part. At this point his follower and boatman waked up suddenly because they found a stranger standing on the boat listening.The boatman cried out: “ Who is standing here? Why you got the boat without permission?”The woodman answered: “I was little late by cutting woods, and also because of the heavy storm. I would rather go home when I heard the playing, so I got the boat and listened.”The follower answered with a cold smile: “A woodman could understand music?”The woodman statically: “If no listeners in these wild forest mountains, why someone played here?” “If you understand music, could you tell me what music I was playing?” Ya found this woodman very strange, didn’t look like normal people. “What you played just now is your real feeling coming from your experience before. You must have a sad feeling before. Your sad feeling did not like the beautiful moonlight and the quiet sea,, so one of your strings broken suddenly.” The woodman answered.Ya thought the woodman was right: “Come and have a drink.” Ya chatted with the woodman: “It looked that you know something about music, but I don’t think you understand the theory of music.”The woodman thought that Ya looked down upon him: “Please ask whatever you want to know about music.”Ya asked and the woodman answered. Ya asked and the woodman answered one by one. Then the woodman said: “ Now you can start playing , and I can tell you what the play looks like.” This time Ya played with real deep feelings. The woodman said : “ this looks like mountains ,this looks like river , this looks like a storm, this looks like a young lady.” At the end Ya found that the woodman understood his music best. The woodman also found the player was a real master at the moment, so he gave Ya a lot of wood pieces on which many music tones were written .The second morning they had to say goodbye to each other with tears and they promised each other the same day next year they would meet here exactly the same place.Ya never broke his word and he came back the next year. Instead finding the woodman, what come to his eye was the woodman’s tomb. At this moment Ya heart looked like broken, and said that you are the only one who understand my music in my whole life, the God is not right , the God is not right .Ya played for the last time in front of the woodman’s tomb. As soon as he finished, he smashed his instrument and never played again.Ya died one year later, and the music “mountain and river” past generations by generations. 07/02/2008
