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老大学琴 9 年了。今年是第一年我可以在家把他的练习当作音乐欣赏。他的技巧早已在我的理解之上，而他对音乐的理解随年龄的增长也有了长足的进步，余下的还是不可避免地受到了年龄的局限，我已经帮不上什么忙了。
孩子练琴，也提升了我做妈的欣赏水平。看着孩子把一个陌生的曲子，从勉强成曲到流畅背诵，从单手练习到双手再加一脚的配合，从机械的强弱轻重到有所理解的抑扬顿挫，生生地把音乐分析解剖开来，让习惯于一流成品音乐的我偷窥到一点其中的内在逻辑，从而对音乐的内涵有了深一层的体会。就仿佛在上等餐馆享受美食，我往往仅满足于一时的口腹之欲，赞美一下总体的美感。但是现在儿子学做菜，我旁观着一道道的工序和操作，朦胧中对什么样的步骤要达到什么样的效果有了些领悟。对最后放到桌上的成品，我的品味就不再局限于囫囵吞枣的粗糙评判，而是去细腻品尝每一种调料对味蕾的刺激，质感的变化如何融合在五味之中，而色彩的呈现如何提升食欲。儿子的厨艺十有八九比不上大厨，只是做妈的偏偏能品出 N 多孩子的心血和努力，在所难免地把心偏到一边去了。
今年老大汇报演出的曲目是德彪西的《阿拉伯式的》（不知道翻得对不对）。据钢琴老师说，是古典音乐期的无标题曲子。但这一曲，一反通常无标题音乐的严密和含蓄，是相当抒情流畅的。我本来对此曲是一无所知，但是它的旋律在老大练习的最初几个星期，就深深吸引了我。他这半年多的练习，这首曲子也伴随了我这半年多来的跌宕起伏，数次让我涕泪俱下。往往是我在厨房或楼上卧室，儿子轻轻奏起，琴声在空旷的起居室里回响，在我胸中激起共鸣。我悄然放下手中的事情，静静享受他的诠释，而幽然释放我的压抑。平心而论，他的表演不是他最好的表现。因为紧张，他有错处，忽略了某些细腻乐句，他的精力集中在如何少出错而不是表现他的理解。我听他的录音，没有平时不期而至的感动。不过，易地而处，成人也未必不怯场。
常常告诉儿子，让他学琴，不是为了升学加分，不是为了将来名利双收，也不是为了父母脸上的光彩（诚恳一些的话，至少不是 100% ）。我只是希望在我力所能及的范围内，给他能力和机会去活出职场和人际关系以外的品味。有了扎实的乐理基础，灵巧协调的手指，将来不必只是被动的欣赏音乐或被别人的表演感动，更可以随心所欲地宣泄自己喜怒哀乐。我不希望给他指定人生要攀登几个山头，需要走得多高；我要他懂得，享受旅途比抵达目标更有乐趣。峰顶固然风光无限好，但路边的风景未必不入流。
出人意料的是，他的学习，也让我多嗅了许多野花香。
女儿的演出就乏善可言。一则我管得松，二则她自我要求很低。只能说，很增加我的自信。小丫头片子，还是嫩，老妈练它几个星期，比她只强不弱！
Original English version:
Jason has been playing piano for 9 years now. This is the first year that I finally can enjoy the music without worrying about his understanding or techniques. No, it is more than no worry, he entertains me with his daily practice.
Debussy’s Arabesque, is a non-program piece from classical period, which Jason spent months learning, perfecting and memorizing. I had no background of knowing this piece before, but the melody caught my attention during first couple of weeks. Jason improved his performance through his practice, but the notes also swung my heart through my last 6 months’ emotional journey. Many times, when I was in the kitchen, or bedroom upstairs, when his playing filled up the living room, I had to stop what I was doing, quiet my mind and let the music move me to tears.
The recital recording is not Jason’s best performance. He was nervous, so he made mistakes, rushed some delicate phrases and flattened expressions. I have heard better. But I sense so much growth in Jason, along with my dear memories of my recent life. Raising a kid learning piano, gave me the chance to dissect the music composition and piano techniques into bits and pieces, made me to appreciate music from a new level. It is like you might appreciate gourmet food in a fancy restaurant, but when your son learns to make those wonderful dishes, you will see the steps of preparing material, process and the difficulty to make the final presentation, you will know how much work and input of the cook beneath every detail of the flavor and texture. The dish in front of you might not be the top quality in professional world, but you enjoy it with the pride of your growing child regardless. The experience also made you better understand the dishes you used to like in the fancy dining places, and you will savor them next time like never before.
I told Jason more than once the purpose of him learning piano. It is not about the certificate he can obtain to add points to his college entrance credential; it is not about his success in his career, especially in monetary terms; it is not even about the vanity reward to me as a parent (although, I have to admit, at least not 100%). It is about giving him the ability and opportunity to appreciate and live his life in an unconventional direction. He will have the solid foundation of music theory, the flexible and coordinating fingers to pick up any instruments he likes and learn by himself; he will be able to better trigger and release his emotions through art and music, and with the ability to express the excess feelings through his own interpretation of whatever the music pieces that fits his mood. So I invest my resource into his piano learning, to enrich his future life. I don’t predict and push him on how high he should climb the mountain, but how well he should enjoy his journey in this world.
What I haven’t told Jason is that I do too, learned how to enjoy my journey better through his learning. My son, you make me proud!
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