12/13/2008, I did my last preganent utrasound. why it is last, because I know I will not and do not like to have any more child. No matter what I think, anyway, when I saw the baby on the screen, there is 100% feeling of happiness and proudness. This is another boy, he has to accompany the whole family's biggest challenging time. I am facing divorcing, financial breakup, no good relationship with partner. even when I just know that having a boy, I feel the tension of future, because another boy possibly means more fighting with Dalsten. I am so much loving with all of them, but I did not create or keep good father for them. my poor children. I wish they could be united, but with John I am not confident at all. I need to find a name that stand for united, peace and loving for this baby. and I wish they are the best.
