至于孩子,美国50%的离婚率,在这里生长的孩子们对父母离异的心态要比大多数中国人想像的平和得多。见多了假期在父母住地之间飞来飞去探望的孩子,给父母的新配偶送结婚礼物的孩子,白人同事朋友中离了婚,或父母离了婚的占了一大半,我还真不觉得这些人小时候或他们的孩子就是问题儿童。父母之间可以不再相爱,不再住一起,对孩子来说,更重要的是知道父母都爱他,平时起居有个安定祥和的气氛。所以我在上法律课时,家庭法的教授(律师)说,离婚的概念对孩子来说可以理解为“reorganization of the family”。孩子的母亲还是母亲,父亲还是父亲,男女双方的婚姻关系解除了,对孩子的义务责任不变,感情的付出当然也应该不变,或更多。好多十几岁的美国孩子都懂男女之事,觉得父母之间的关系是他们自己的事,将来你要像传统中国人那样说什么“我都是为了你。。。”,他们是不会理解的。我看到的,听到的因为夫妻关系不好,十几岁的孩子劝父母离婚的例子也不少。美国报刊杂志上常说,现代家庭形式多样化,并非一父一母才是常态,离异的,同居的,再婚的,同性恋的,单身男女用donor的精子或卵子生孩子的,都可以和孩子组成幸福的家庭,只要你真心爱孩子。
Easy said than done, it is very tough for a single mom working full time while raising the kids, especially for those who immigrated from other country without a solid network and support circle. 楼主也不必咄咄逼人的去为自己的理论辩护,甚至贬低那些有异意的人。你的理念是对的,想法是积极的,但大千世界每个人的情况都不同,说实在的,多数离婚的单身妈妈都没那么RICH, 但都有迫不得已的缘故而不得不离婚,而又因着自己的责任和母子连心的感情而挑起抚养孩子的重担。对她们应该给予尊重与支持,没有人是心甘情愿选择了这条艰难的路,也不是所有人都跟楼主一样才华过人,冰雪聪明,但她们的选择和坚持却闪耀着人性的光辉。不好意思,借你的宝地,多说的几句。。
aprilpinkrose 发表评论于
回复秒秒的评论:
有个伴侣当然好过单身,前提是这个伴侣要能为你做到“渴了有人倒水,有人帮修灯泡,有人说话,有人配,有人欣赏”。“一把一把的人可以陪看电影”说的是“退一步说,找到能结婚成家的合适对象并不容易”的情况。要是有值得信任的固定伴侣,当然不用退而求其次了,just go for it!
如果“是个单身妈妈“with no money”?
如果只是个低薪的普通女人,那又当如何?
你的主意,有点像玛丽皇后问没面包吃的人为什么不吃蛋糕。
这天底下没钱也没什么技能的人多得是,不知道你有什么好主意?都去找个白人?白人是这种女人的救世主?
看人世间 发表评论于
女人要真真得解放自己,首要任务是经济上的独立。经济上和男人平等了,才能谈到其他的平等。
aprilpinkrose 发表评论于
回复whatandhow的评论:
The incident is the same however the capability of coping with it, the perceptions and social support are different due to different social and cultural environments. And that's what I am talking about. A simple fact as an example: in China children from single parent family are often viewed as "abnormal" and discriminated, and in US it is much less of an issue.
whatandhow 发表评论于
I agree with you on the importance of women's independence. However, the impact on the children is the same no matter where they are. It is true that there are more divorced Americans than Chinese. But the negative impact bringing children the bitterness is always the same. It does not make children in America feel better just because divorce happens more often.
women, no matter what age and at what marital status, have to be "self reliant" and independent emotionally and financially. With the right mind (emotional capacity), you can plan, and you know how to plan your life and how to solve problems when you encouter some. With financial ability, you can afford to hire help, to buy things you need. single or divorced women often live happier than women in unhappy marriage.
aprilpinkrose 发表评论于
To Quarx: welcome. You should write about your experiences if you think it is different from other people's. Then we can have more fun on the internet. :)