By Dr. Mark Goulston
Created May 3 2010 - 2:34pm
On more than a few occasions I have driven around my city lost and getting even more lost by the minute and recently did it yet again. I know I am not alone as a male who is hesitant to ask for directions and have tried to figure out why I don’t.
- To ask for directions is to admit I am lost.
- To admit I am lost is to feel both anxious and incompetent.
- To feel anxious is about wondering if not knowing about this is dangerously close to fears of doubts about many things.
- To feel anxious and imcompetent is to feel less than and not worthwhile especially when I compare myself to other competent men.
- To feel less worthwhile than other men is to feel vulnerable to their negative regard and even scorn (to match that which I am already feeling towards myself)
- To ask other men who I project might be feeling as judgmental towards me as I feel towards myself is to invite ridicule and humiliation.
- To risk ridicule and humiliation from others for being inadequate when I am already feeling that is too much and it's easier to just fumble around and figure it out myself.
- To avoid dealing with this, perhaps it’s better to just get a GPS in my car (which I have), but then of course I might have to ask directions on how to use that (which I haven’t).
This is a work in progress and I invite readers to comment and/or share their alternate explanations for this dumb behavior that many of us engage in. Focus on your thoughts and not your directions, because I don't ask for directions.
