(1)…big-breasted and high-hipped,…stretched and then gradually awaken. 这说的是蓝岭山的姿态。big-breasted and high-hipped 就是“巨乳”和“肥臀”。可如果真这样译成 “巨”和“肥”,则未免有失雅致。我译成“臀丰乳高”,则是脱化于中国古典小说中类似的说法。至于stretched,起初我曾译成“伸开懒腰”,也不算美,最后译成“伸腰舒臂”似乎好多了。
(2)…the stubborn weed that thrust its shoulder through a city street. stubborn weed, 如果译成“杂草”,不太贴切。“杂”,令人反感,因为杂草一般都在被铲除之列。这里讲的是春草,虽然茂盛,但是绿茸茸地充满生机,而且还散发着缕缕独特的清香,可爱而不可厌。既不是与庄稼争夺养分的杂草,也不是为蚊虫孳生提供条件的杂草。我译成了“萋萋芳草”。“萋萋”是stubborn 的一中含义,既充满活力,有充满顽强的生命力。我没有用单个的“草”字,而是用了一个偏正结构的“芳草”。至于是否“芳”,那当然要取决于译者的审美情趣。
(1)化静为动,改变结构,求灵活。 In some years, April bursts upon our Virginia hills in one prodigious leap – and all the stage is filled at once, while choruses of tulips, arabesques of forsythia, cadenzas of flowering plum. 四月,有时不知怎地一跃,就来到了弗吉尼亚的山坡上——转眼之间,到处生机勃 勃,酷似一个大舞台。郁金香组成了大合唱,连翘构成阿拉伯式图案,洋李唱出了婉转的歌声。 我用化静为动的方法,对of 所表示的静态所属关系进行改造,加用了“组成”,“构成,”和“唱出”几个动词。这样就成了排比句,形式工整,生动活泼,读起来也 顺畅。 (2)化零为整,化乱为工,求节奏。 All was locked in this tiny, ingenious safe - the mystery, glory, the grand design. 神秘的色彩、雄伟的气魄、壮观的景象、这一切一切,都被封锁在这只微小然而奇妙的保险箱内。 我采取化零乱为工整的方法,对原文the mystery, glory, the grand design 三个词进行了改造。原文中前两个词组分别由一个名词组成,第三个则是一个形容词加名词的偏正结构,而我把前两个词从原文的名词形式变成形容词形式,然后分别加上两个原文中没有,但与原文含义并不相悖的名词“色彩”和“气魄”,于是就变成了三个偏正结构,不仅看起来工整,读起来也琅琅上口,颇有一气呵成之感。
(3)重复用词,首尾倒置,求新颖。 Springs are not always the same. 原来我译成:春天并非总是一模一样。但是如果译成“年年岁岁春不同”,似乎也不错。可是如果真的这样译,那最好再加上一句。怎么加呢?依我的习惯,尽量求对偶。汉语多以偶句求稳健工整,这也是出于中国人的“对称求美”的观念。如果造对偶句,可以有不同的方法。可以采用重复用词,首尾倒置方法,对“年年岁岁”进行改造,这样既有节奏感,又不无新意。比如可以造成对句:“年年岁岁春常在,岁岁年年春不同”。仔细玩味,对偶句放在文章之首,比单句似乎更自然完美。
(1)one acorn, nut brown, glossy, cool to touch. 那是一颗栗色的,光滑的,摸一摸凉凉爽爽的橡子。 我用叠音字“摸一摸凉凉爽爽”,这显然比“摸者凉”读起来要有节奏,要明快响亮得多。
(2)and fields that were dun as oatmeal turn to pale green, then to kelly green. 像麦片粥一样微暗的原野,起初淡绿素雅,继而翠绿欲滴。 我本着音调力求和谐的原则,搭配运用了“雅”(仄声)和“滴”(平声)二字。如果把原文死译成“先变成淡绿,后变成翠绿”,两个词组的结尾都是相同的仄声字,读起来就呆板多了。
(3)Look to the rue anemone, if you will, or to the pea patch, or to the stubborn weed that thrusts its shoulders through a city street. 如果愿意,你就去看一看吧!看一看芸香银莲,看一看萋萋芳草,看一看无边的豌豆田,尤其是那萋萋芳草,早已甩开臂膀,穿街过市。 排比句运用得好,可以使文章读起来似大江之水,飞流直下,气势磅礴,锐不可当。为了发挥排比句的作用,在此例中,我试着根据原文,先把“看一看”提出去,成一独立句,而后又造出三个都冠以“看一看”的短句,排列在一起,即“看一看芸香银莲”,“看一看无边豆田”和“看一看萋萋芳草”。为了造成整齐的排比句,我对原文句式结构进行加工,比如萋萋芳草后面原来有一串修饰语,即“早已甩开臂膀,穿街过市”。我把这段修饰语摘下来,放到后面独立成句,而后为了音调和谐,把豆田和芳草的顺序调整一下,于是三个词组的结尾就成了“莲”(平声)、“草 ”(仄声)、“田”(平声)。读起来不仅押韵,而且音调平仄和谐,因为“平仄平”总比“平平仄”要响亮。
(1)and all stage is filled at once. 按字面译为“舞台立即充满(各种节目)”,但是前文讲的是春天来到弗吉尼亚,下面突然出现“舞台”,读来不知所云。因此需要把一个隐含的比喻说法译出来。比如译成:春回大地,活像一个大舞台。下面再接具体描写,诸如:大合唱、阿拉伯式图案、婉转的歌,就清楚多了。
(2)The dogwood bud, pale green, is inlaid with russet markings. Within the perfect cup a score of clustered seeds are nestled. 前面一句是说山茱萸蓓蕾的颜色。后面紧接这说再完美无缺的杯子里如何。注意定冠词the 极其重要,说明有所指,也就是说刚才已经提到,但cup一词在此句才第一次出现,令人费解,显得cup一词来得突兀。只有加上汉语中表示比喻的标志词“像”、“是”、“犹如”等等,才显得清晰自然。我加了“活像一只只完美无缺的小杯”。
(1)the dark Blue Ridge Mountains in which I dwell, 其中的 dark如果译成“黑”则不美。我译“黛”。何为“黛”,什么时候才有“黛”?有诗云:“近山翠,远山黛”。所以“黛”能体现空间层次,产生距离感,立体感。此外,“黛”是淡青色,只有山远才会产生,那是一种说不出具体颜色的模糊颜色,用这个词可以产生一种朦胧美。这是其它颜色所不能表达的。细细体味,原作者是在表示一种空间层次。
(2) a wild rhizome was raising a green, impertinent shaft toward the unseen winter sun. 我起初的译法是:“有一棵野生根茎正朝着那看不见的冬日伸出一个野性十足的绿芽来”。后来我曾经改把其中的“野性”改译成“干劲”。不过我又觉得并不贴切,没有译出隐含的词义。关键词是impertinent, 可作“不礼貌”解,也可作“鲁莽”、“莽撞”或“肆无忌惮”解。如果译成“干劲十足”,不沾边。译成“肆无忌惮”则含贬义,也不恰当。一个幼芽的生长谈不上褒贬的问题。再来推敲“野性”,倒是觉得还算差强人意。我认为这个词是中性偏褒,有天真幼稚,初生牛犊不谙礼仪之义。俗话说“童言无忌”,就是说儿童天真烂漫,虎气十足,但言语动作难免考虑不周,因此会显得唐突失礼,不过由于年幼,反而平添几分可爱。 所谓普遍,就是指把原文过于具体,以致令汉语读者难于理解或欣赏的具体词语,译成带有普遍意义的词语。这有时也为译者提供便利,或可以说在不可译的困境中得以 解脱。
比如:milliner’s scraps of ivory silk, rose tinged. 有人把milliner译成“女帽商”,结果全局译成“苹果花像女帽商收集的绸缎碎片般象牙的乳白色”。有人则译成“女帽、妇女头饰设计者的碎绸布片”。既不美,也不确切。译得这么具体,又麻烦,又不清楚,何不译出作者得内在含义?所以选用一些能表达苹果花颜色得普遍性词语即可。我译成:“苹果花开,展示出一片片染了玫瑰红的象牙色薄绸”。仔细玩味,此句缺乏衔接词,故而显得不合逻辑,苹果花怎么展示薄绸?可以改成:“苹果花开,简直是在展示一片片染了玫瑰红的象牙色薄绸”。因为“简直”或“酷似”等词就像润滑剂或缓冲器,可以使语气避免生硬武断的色彩。
二、力求句式多姿多彩,服务情感表达的需要。 Spring 是一篇抒情色彩浓郁的散文。散文作为一种文体,具有取材广泛,自由便捷,结构灵活,表现手法不拘一格,句式多样等特点。尤其是散文的句式,常随情感表达的需要呈现丰富多彩的变化。这一点,在 Spring 原文中可得到直接的引证。宋译《春》显然继承并发扬了原作的这个优点,在句子的长短、句子结构的安排等方面尤多努力,为完美传达原文的风格打下了坚实的基础。特别是在句子结构的安排上,宋译将忠实与创造相结合,表现出灵活多变的特点。译文中破折号的使用尤其夺人眼目,上面不太长的选文里就使用了六个破折号,这在别的文章里是不多见的。这些破折号的使用,给译文带来了一种动感、多变的节奏。同时,为了服务于情感表达的需要,译者还有意增加了句子中间的停顿(如不说“山茱萸的蓓蕾淡绿清雅”而在“蓓蕾”和“淡绿清雅”之间增加了一个逗号,不说“黛色的兰岭山是我居住的地方”而说“黛色的兰岭山,那是我居住的地方”,这样处理,明显文字的抒情意味更浓了),强化了文字背后欢快、喜悦的情绪。
All this reminds me of a theme that runs through my head like a line of music. Its message is profoundly simple, and profoundly mysterious also: Life goes on. That is all there is to it. Everything that is, was; and everything that is, will be.
I am a newspaperman, not a preacher. I am embarrassed to write of “God’s presence”. God is off my beat. But one afternoon I was walking across the yard and stopped to pick up an acorn – one acorn, nut brown, glossy, cool to the touch; the crested top was milled and knurled like the knob on a safe. There was nothing unique about it. Thousands littered the grass.
I could not tell you what Paul of Tarsus encountered on that famous road to Damascus when the light shone suddenly around him, but I know what he felt. He was trembling, and filled with astonishment, and so was I that afternoon. The great chestnut oak that towered above me had sprung from such an insignificant thing as this; and the oak contained within itself the generating power to seed whole forests. All was locked in this tiny, ingenious safe – the mystery, the glory, the grand design.
The overwhelming moment passed, but it returns. Once in February we were down on the hillside pulling up briars and honeysuckle roots. I dug with my hands through rotted leaves and crumbling moldy bark. And behold: at the bottom of the dead, decaying mass a while rhizome was raising a green, impertinent shaft toward the unseen winter sun. I am not saying I found divine Revelation. What I found, I think, was a wild iris.
The iris was doing something more than surviving. It was growing, exactly according to plan, responding to rhythms and forces that were old before man was young. And it was drawing its life from the dead leaves of long-gone winters. I covered this unquenchable rhizome, patted it with a spade, and told it to be patient: spring would come.
And that is part of this same, unremarkable theme: spring does come. In the garden the rue anemones come marching out, bright as toy soldiers on their parapets of stone. The dogwoods float in casual clouds among the hills.
This is the Resurrection time. That which was dead, or so it seemed, has come to life again – the stiff branch, supple; the brown earth, green. This is the miracle: There is in truth eternal life.
So, in the spring, we plunge shovels into the garden plot, turn under the dark compost, rake fine the crumbling clods, and press the inert seeds into orderly rows. These are the commonest routines. Who could find excitement here?
But look! The rain falls, and the sun warms, and something happens. It is the germination process. Germ of what? Germ of life, germ inexplicable, germ of wonder. The dry seed ruptures and the green leaf uncurls. Here is a message that transcends the rites of any church or creed or organized religion. I would challenge any doubting Thoma in my pea patch.
Everywhere, spring brings the blessed reassurance that life goes on, that death is no more than a passing season. The plan never falters; the design never changes. It is all ordered. It has all been always ordered.
Look to the rue anemone, if you will, or to the pea patch, or to the stubborn weed that thrusts its shoulders through a city street. This is how it was, is now, and ever shall be, the world without end. In the serene certainty of spring recurring, who can fear the distant fall?