简出走后,一路辗转,风餐露宿,沿途乞讨,历尽磨难,如果说肉体受冻挨饿还可以忍受,心灵的失望、焦虑、以及对罗切斯特的担忧却难以排遣,于是躺在旷野的夜晚,简"rose to my knees" (起身跪着),她望着夜空,感受着上帝的造物,为罗切斯特先生祈祷:
“夜已降临,她的星座已升起:平安宁静的夜;安宁得与恐惧无缘。我们知道上帝无处不在,但当祂的劳作壮丽地展现在我们面前时,我们最能感受到祂的存在:无云的夜晚,祂的宇宙悄然滚滚运行的空中,我们清楚地看到了祂的无边无涯,祂的万能,祂的无处不在。我已起来跪着为罗切斯特先生祈祷。抬起头来,我泪眼朦胧地看到了浩瀚的银河。想着银河是什么—那里有无数的星系如一道微光一般扫过太空—我便感到了上帝的巨大力量。我相信有能力拯救祂的创物:更相信无论是地球,还是祂所珍爱的一个灵魂,都不会毁灭。我把祈祷的内容改为感恩:灵魂的救主也是生命的源头。罗切斯特先生会安然无恙: 他属于上帝,上帝会保护他。Night was come, and her planets were risen: a safe, still night; too serene for the companionship of fear. We know that God is everywhere; but certainly we feel His presence most when His works are on the grandest scale spread before us: and it is in the unclouded night-sky, where His worlds wheel their silent course, that we read clearest His infinitude, His omnipotence, His ominipresence. I had risen to my knees to pray for Mr. Rochester. Looking up, I, with tear-dimmed eyes,saw the mighty milky-way. Remembering what it was - what countless systems there swept space like a soft trace of light - I felt the might and strength of God. Sure was I of His efficiency to save what He had made: convinced I grew that neither earth should perish, nor one of the souls it treasured. I turned my prayer to thanksgiving: the Source of Life was also the Saviour of spirits.
简在身心即将崩溃时,在郊外沼泽地小屋外被牧师圣约翰收留,与圣约翰的两个妹妹住在一起,她身体逐渐恢复,立即强烈地要工作、独立:
“告诉我如何干活,或者如何找活干,这就是我现在所要求的。。。”
"Show me how to work, or how to seek work: that is all I now ask..."
...
“我可以做裁缝,可以当个普通女工,若干不了更好的活,我可以做仆人,做个护士。”
"I will be a dressmaker: I will be a plain-work-woman; I will be a servant, a nurse-girl, if I can be no better..."(Bronte“Volume II” 144-145)
教会为贫穷的孩子办了学校,简成了教员,在教学上她兢兢业业,很有作为。接下来的故事颇有戏剧性,不久圣约翰牧师得知简的真名,并告知简,他和简原来是表兄妹,而他们共同的叔叔在外国去世后,留下巨额遗产给简,简一夜之间变为富人,简将巨额分为四分,与表兄和两位表姐平分。当地有位美丽富有的年轻女子深爱圣约翰牧师,但牧师因为要到印度传教,而不愿接受她的爱。同时,圣约翰要简嫁给他,他认为简有智慧,够坚强,适合到艰难的印度为神做工,适合做传教士的太太。简不愿嫁给自己的表兄,她说,“我可以去印度为神做工,但只能做你的妹妹,不做你的太太,因为我们并不相爱。”固执己见的圣约翰仍不放弃,终于,简勉强答应了,当晚她心神不宁:
The one candle
I saw nothing: but I heard a voice somewhere cry --
"Jane!Jane!Jane!"
...And it was the voice of a human being - a known, loved, well-remembered voice - that of Edward Fairfax Rochester; and it spoke in pain and woe wildly, eerily, urgently.
"I am coming!" I cried. "Wait for me! Oh, I will come!" I flew to the door, and looked into the passage: it was dark. I ran into the garden: it was void.(Bronte“Volume II” 239-240)
第二天早上圣约翰独自去了印度作传教士。简也风尘仆仆地长途跋涉返回松费德庄园,可是到达之后,眼前却是断垣颓壁。不久简了解到,罗切斯特的疯太太放火烧了庄园,又坠楼身亡,罗切斯特也因此受伤而双眼失明。简找到罗切斯特,两人互诉衷肠,终结连理。罗切斯特向简讲述了他失明后的心灵历程:
“简!我敢说,你以为我是一条不敬上帝的狗吧:可是我对世间仁慈的上帝满怀感激之心。祂看事物跟人不一样,祂要看得清楚得多:他判断事物跟人不一样,比人要明智得多。我做错了:我本要糟蹋无邪的花儿—把罪孽带给无辜:但上帝将她从我身边抢走。我顽固地对抗,险些要咒骂来处理问题:我不是俯首听命,而是背道而驰。神的审判照旧运行;大祸重重而降:我被迫走过死荫的幽谷。上帝的惩罚严厉;他强大的一击让我永远谦卑。。。。最近我在厄运中开始看到并承认上帝之手。我开始了自责和忏悔;情愿听从造物主。我有时开始祈祷:祷告虽短,但很诚恳。"Jane! you think me, I daresay, an irreligious dog: but my heart swells with gratitude to the beneficent God of this earth just now. He sees not as man sees, but far clearer: judges not as man judges, but far more wisely. I did wrong: I would have sullied my innocent flower - breathed guilt on its purity: the Omnipotent snatched it from me. I, in my stiff-necked rebellion, almost cursed the dispensation: instead of bending to the decree, I defied it. Divine justice pursued its course; disasters came thick on me: I was forced to pass through the valley of the shadow of death. His chastisements are mighty; and one smote me which has humbled me for ever......I began to see and acknowledge the hand of God in my doom. I began to experience remorse, repentance; the wish for reconcilement to my Maker. I began sometimes to pray: very brief prayers they were, but very sincere." (Bronte“Volume II” 275 )
罗切斯特谈到某个夜晚他祈祷后的经历(正是简听到他呼唤自己的那个夜晚):
“我祈求上帝。。。我在自己的房间,坐在窗边,窗口开着:清幽的夜风沁人心脾;虽然看不见星星,但从模糊发亮的雾气中,知道月亮的存在。我盼着你,珍妮特!噢,无论是灵魂还是肉体,我都盼望着你!我痛苦又谦卑地问上帝,我受尽了凄凉、痛苦、折磨,是不是已经够久了;会不会很快能再尝幸福与安宁。我承认我所忍受的是应得的 — 我认识到,我实在不堪重负了,我祈求;心内的全部愿望不由自主地溢到嘴唇,是这几个字——“简!简!简!”...I supplicated God... I was in my own room, and sitting by the window, which was open: it soothed me to feel the balmy night-air; though I could see no stars and only by a vague, luminous haze, knew the presence of a moon. I longed for thee, Janet! Oh, I longed for thee both with soul and flesh! I asked of God, at once in anguish and humility, if I had not been long enough desolate, afflicted, tormented; and might not soon taste bliss and peace once more. That I merited all I endured, I acknowledged - that I could scarcely endure more, I pleated; and the alpha and omega of my heart's wishes broke involuntarity from my lips, in the words -- 'Jane!Jane!Jane!'"(Bronte“Volume II”276-277)
上帝垂听了罗切斯特真切的忏悔与祷告,成全了他们的婚姻。简与罗切斯特美满生活开始了,书的结尾,提到他们已经幸福结婚10年了。。。
References 参考:
Bronte, Charlotte. Jane Eyre. EveryMan's Library Company, 1991