情绪虐待总是跟身体被殴打连在一起，大多数情况殴打在先。蓄意的重覆的情绪虐待能严重地影响受害者对自我和现实的感觉。下列是虐待者使用在伴侣身上的情绪虐待行为：
• 虐待者常常针对妇女的习惯和毛病有敌意地开玩笑
• 不顾受害者的感受
• 以不表示同意作为一种惩罚
• 大声呼喝受害者
• 用很侮辱性的字句给受害者标签：发疯、贱人、笨蛋
• 重覆地针对受害者讲一连串的侮辱说话，为要造成对受害者最大的心理损害
• 在家庭成员和其他人面前重覆地羞辱受害者
• 在社交上甚至地理上孤立受害者（比如，把受害者迁移到偏远的地点）
• 虐待者把自己所有的麻烦和失败都归咎受害者
• 恐吓要对受害者、孩子或其他家人报复和使用暴力
• 践踏受害者作为母亲、情人、工人、等等的能力
• 要求受害者随时候命并对孩子常表现忿恨不满
• 把他自己的婚外性生活告诉受害者
• 经常控诉她有婚外情，即使她根本没有意慾或自由去作那些事
• 给受害者 “敌意的静默”
• 威胁要虐待孩子和/或领取他们的监管权
• 告诉受害者跟随他，因为她需要他，并且她无法自己生活
• 指责受害者使用暴力，如果她以任何方式保护自己
• 质疑她的感觉是否真实
• 强迫她在经济上依靠他：他妨碍她取得工作，禁止她找工作或使她的生活非常混乱以致被开除，和/或 把她的钱拿走
• 践踏或否定受害者的历史、传统遗产、信念、价值
• 撞打牆壁（不是打她）去展示力量
• 毁坏对她有情感价值的个人物品去表示他也能毁坏她
• 恐吓要折磨或杀害她的/他们的爱畜
• 威胁要自杀如果受害者不跟他一起或从他心愿
• 花很多时间在受害者面前清洁枪械或刀子
• 恐吓要杀她或她的孩子
• 破坏受害者的自尊
Emotional abuse always accompanies, and in most cases precedes, physical battering. Targeted, repeated emotional abuse can severely affect the victim's sense of self and of reality. Here is a list of emotionally abusive behaviors abusers use against their partners:
- Abuser makes hostile jokes about the habits and faults of women
- Ignores the victim's feelings
- Withholds approval as a form of punishment
- Yells at the victim
- Labels the victim with generally insulting terms: crazy, bitch, stupid
- Repeatedly delivers a series of insults specific to the victim and designed to inflict maximum psychological damage
- Repeatedly humiliates the victim in front of family members and others
- Isolates the victim socially, perhaps geographically as well (for example, by moving the family to a remote location)
- Blames the victim for all the abuser's troubles and failures
- Threatens physical violence and retaliation against the victim, children or other family members
- Puts down the victim's abilities as a mother, lover, worker, etc
- Demands all the victim's attention and resents the children
- Tells the victim about his sexual affairs
- Constantly accuses her of having affairs, even when she does not have the desire or freedom to have affairs
- Gives the victim the "silent treatment"
- Threatens to abuse the children and/or get custody of them
- Tells the victim she must stay with him because she needs him and she couldn't make it without him
- Accuses the victim of being violent if she acts in any way to protect herself
- Questions her sense of reality
- Forces economic dependency: He prevents the victim from working - either by forbidding her to get a job or by making her life so chaotic that she gets fired - and/or he takes her money
- Puts down or denies the victim's history, heritage, faith, values
- Hits the wall, not her, to display his power
- Breaks personal items that have sentimental value to her as a message that he can break her too
- Threatens, tortures or kills her/their pets
- Threatens suicide if the victim doesn't stay with him or do what he wants
- Spends hours cleaning guns or knives in front of the victim
- Threatens to kill her or her children
- Destroys victim's self esteem
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