秋,启示

 

     据说是仓央嘉措的一首诗:

      一个人需要隐藏多少秘密,
      才能巧妙地度过一生?
      这佛光闪闪的高原,
      三步两步便是天堂,
      却仍有那么多人,
      因心事过重,
      而走不动。

      这个季节的下午,去办公楼外走路,金色的阳光里,总想起外婆的石库门,放学回家,穿过喧闹的马路,一拐进弄堂,就安静得像天堂,那里有她准备的点心,每天都不同,却只记得萨奇玛,还有她做的米糕,糕的一面有模子刻出来的花纹,饭桌上有她八宝鸭,油爆虾,她是无米也能有炊烟的巧妇。
      她的东西都吸引着我,画着仕女的陶瓷珠,零零碎碎的首饰,有着年代的颜色,我还收藏着几把折扇,一面是花鸟,一面是蝇头小楷,她姑姑写的。到了秋天听她说嘉定老家院子里的桂花树,做糖桂花。
      上个礼拜画了张小女孩,是记忆里和她相似的温暖和精致,蓝灰色的卷发上有开了花的树枝装饰,引来蝴蝶翩翩,一只小鸟停在她手背上啾啾,我以为很娇柔的一张画,传过去,老师却吓了一跳,以为她头上是飞虫什么的。呵呵,这个世界如果按性别来分,只有两种人,泥做的男人和水晶女人。
      从来没见她发过脾气,今年回去看她,九十八岁的她已什么也不记得,离天堂很近了。

      我是个拿来主义,向佛不为刻意成佛,为了成为真正的自己,修心,觉悟着从前,修身,过着当前的日子。修行不是件神秘的事情,对爱情的向往和怀疑是一种修行,对人生的感慨也是。
      十几年前,抛弃了我生来对爱情的态度和信仰,来到未知的彼岸,那里没有同类,没有倾城之恋;没有我熟悉的街道,夏天空气里没有水果的味道,塑料袋里加了防腐剂和柔软剂的面包,因为简单,新的冒险包含了更多的觉悟和意识。
      如果你不是无所事事,而是忙得身不由己,那么每天的瑜伽有几十分钟的时间让你关心一下自己的身体,器官组织除了按摩,也需要对话,肌肉紧张,做一下伸展,吸气时手臂上举,像大树一样,树枝向上长高,脚像树根向地里的深处伸延;有意识地,我们每时每刻在做得呼吸不仅给你氧气,还帮助消除紧张释放身体里被阻滞的能量。
      人到中年的好处,一日三餐不用掐着卡路里节食,办公室里不用担心被潜规则;一个固定的生活圈子,一张招待客人的招牌菜单;不再需要用爱情来证明自己,不再紧张孩子教育的成败,情感和能量有更多的形式释放。
      享受“迎浮世千重变,和有情人做快乐事,别问是劫是缘”的自由,这才是修行的目的。
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