推荐一本书，“Parenting with Fire”

邻居妈妈大力推荐，借我这本书，“Parenting with Fire”。

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-With-Fire-Lighting-Inspiration/dp/0451219775

作者Shmuley Boteach是位犹太rabbi，好像还挺有名的，做一个关怀家庭的电视节目，是位资深老爸－－有九个孩子！

文笔很生动流畅，而且平实，down to earth，读起来很快。我两天就读完了，喜欢！

Boteach开篇就说，现今美国的家庭问题最主要是缺少passion，inspiration，小朋友被现代文化污染，太早失去他们的innocence，变得世故而冷漠。“All around me, I see a generation of broken men, married to lonely women, raising insecure children."

要改变这些，Boteach给父母一套可以运用的提纲，简称PLANT-Protection, Love, Activity, Novelty, Tradition.

Boteach说，“We must not simply police our children, we must inspire them. ”  父母是孩子们的榜样，are you the best version of yourself？你的生活充满了乐趣和热情，积极，有意义？还是你每天都得过且过，甚至怨天尤人？身教胜于言教，“Living a glorious and meaningful life is the best inspiration we can give our children.”

Boteach列出PLANT每一项的具体应用细节。他管教的方式在大部分人眼里可能太严厉了，我也不是100%赞同，不过多数还蛮让我信服。

Protection：Boteach强调这是父母最大的责任。他拒绝所有的trash magazines and trash culture，周日绝对不让看电视。而且他对于孩子的朋友都要scrutinize，请他们来家里，认识他们和他们的父母。“Incorporate your children's' friendships into your family life instead of letting them take place away from it. "

Love: 这一部分是老生常谈了。“Our children should want to achieve because they already have our unconditional love, not in order to earn it.”说到爱孩子的方法，最重要的莫过于和孩子相处，和孩子同乐。

Activity：“It is essential for us to come up with--and participate in--wholesome and enjoyable activities for our children." 不要outsource，把孩子们的课后活动排满满的；相反，限制他们的课后活动，以免影响家庭生活。要一家人同乐，一起玩。玩什么呢？"What better way to inspire your kids than to give them the gift of your own passions?" 这点倒是和我写“和孩子们分享我的心爱”不谋而合，已经写了13篇了。（其实还有很多没写，像老公和小朋友玩board games。）

Novelty：Hold on to the natural sense of wonder, see the miracles in nature, and the magic in the seemingly mundane. Boteach最反对去mall里头逛街买东西，那根本就是教小朋友"novelty comes through acquisition"。

Tradition: Tradition gives children an identity, 因为传统给了我们人生意义和理想，好像“为天地立心，为生民立命，为往圣继绝学，为万世开太平"。让孩子们瞬间了解自己是传统的继承人，他们的责任感使命感立刻升华，他们觉得自己很重要。When our children feel connected to something larger than themselves they understand that what they do really matters.

读完后，我也思考，我的passions是什么呢？我喜欢的很多，不过看来看去，都是玩玩玩。除了这些，还有文化上，信仰上的传统，作为中国人，作为基督徒，还有很多很多可以跟他们分享，想教给他们呢。我再想想。