1 谁是对的 Who is right
After the couple’s quarreling, the husband shouted: “You should remember that no matter what time it is, what the man is thinking of is right, and his judgment is correct, but you women are always do the opposite.”
The wife answered, “Yes, that you chose me to be your wife is right, but my choosing you as my husband is a big mistake!”
夫妻吵架后,丈夫嚷道:“你该记住,无论什么时候,男人的思考都是对的,判断准确无误,而女人却恰恰相反。”
妻子回答道:“是呀,你选我做妻子是绝对正确的,而选你做丈夫是大错特错!”
2 成为大人物的方法 A way to become an important person
The middle aged couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.
On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.
"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.
"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important．"
一对中年夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。
手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。
"亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉·梅问道。"
"宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要！"
3 为爱而亡 Die for Love
If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die.
She refused him.
Sixty years later, he died.
如果你不答应嫁给我，他发誓，我就要去死。
她拒绝了他。
六十年后，他死了。
4 欠揍的理发师 The barber needs to be spanked
Being rather bald I have long been used to comforting myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening gambit “Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.”
However I was not prepared for the response of one barber, “We always say there’s no sense in putting a roof on an empty barn.”
每次去美发中心的时候，我总是以一句自我安慰的话，来提及我那近乎秃顶的脑袋，“繁华的马路不会长草。”
没想到，有位理发师这样应了我一句：“我们是认为，荒芜的土地就不需要有屋顶。”
5 不想见到你 Don’t want to see you again
Judge: I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.
Defendant: Your Honor, that’s what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn’t listen.
法官：我记得我跟你说永远不想在这见到你。
被告：法官大人，我是这么跟警察说的，可是他们不听。
6 士兵的高招 A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr. Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。
然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。
又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
(from Internet)
