1 警察的热心
I was surprised to learn that my 72-year-old mother dared to drive 900 miles in a 12-year-old car to visit me. When asked how she made out, she told me just fine...until her second night. She had filled the gas tank and didn't have the money for a motel room.
"What did you do?" I asked.
" Well, "she began, “I was driving through this small town and feeling very sleepy. A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had been drinking. When I told him no, he wanted to know why I was weaving all over the road, I explained my situation, ’‘Follow me, ”he ordered. We then drove to a motel where the nice officer paid for my night's lodging.
"As he was leaving, " Mother continued, ”he turned to me and said, ‘Ma'am，the next time you have to visit your daughter, please take another route.'”
当听说我72岁的母亲居然开着12年的旧车行驶了900英里来看我时，我真有些吃惊。在我问她是如何做的时候，她告诉我她一切都好，只是到了第二天晚上，给汽车加油后却没有住旅馆的钱。
“那你怎么办了?”我问道。
她说:“嗨，我开到这个镇子时，感到很困，一位警寨叫住了我。他问我是否喝了酒，我说没喝。警察问我为什么开车在路上打晃晃。于是我解释了我的情况。他命令道:“跟我走。”就这样，我们就开到了一个汽车旅馆。警察替我付了住店费。
妈妈接着说:“他离开时，转过身，冲着我说:‘夫人，你下次要看女儿时，请走另一条路线吧！’”
2 副作用
One morning I opened the door to get the newspaper and was surprised to see a strange little dog with our paper in his mouth. Delighted with this unexpected “delivery Service", I fed him some treats. The following morning I was horrified to see the same dog sitting in front of our door wagging his tail, surrounded by eight newspapers.
I spent the rest of that morning returning the papers to their owners.
有一天，我开门取报纸，惊奇地发现报纸被一条陌生的小狗叼着。我为这种送报服务惑到很高兴，于是就喂了小的一些吃的。第二天早上，我惊奇地发现那条小狗趴在门口，冲我摇着尾巴，它周围放着八份报纸。
我用了整整一上午的时间，才把那些报纸发还给了它们的主人。
3 母亲与教师
I teach middle-school choir and occasionally have my own children in class. One day my son asked if he could have a pencil. As a teacher, I normally do not lend items to unprepared students; but as a mother, I help my children whenever I can. I asked my son whether he was speaking to his teacher or his mother. He replied, “It depends on who has the pencil."
我教初中的唱诗班，偶尔会教到自己的孩子。一天，我儿子问我是否能借给他一支铅笔。作为一位老师，我一般不借东西给那些不做课堂准备的学生。但作为一位母亲，我应随时帮助我的孩子。于是，我问儿子他是在跟老师说话，还是在跟母亲说话。而他却说:“那要看谁有铅笔了。”
4 挑战
A woman found a note on the coffee-shop menu: "We will pay you$10 if you order a sandwich we can't make.” She ordered an elephant-ear sandwich. After several minutes, the waitress returned and said, ”Here's your $ 10,ma'am. We can't make that sandwich."
“I'm not surprised," answered the woman. “Where would you ever get elephant ears?"
"Oh, it's not the ears," said the waitress. ”We're out of those big buns."
一位妇女在一家咖啡厅的菜单上看到这样一句话:“如果您点了一个我们没有的三明治，我们将送您十美元。”于是，她点了一个大象耳朵三明治。过了几分钟，服务员回来了，对她说:“这是给您的十美元，太太.我们做不了您要的三明冶。”
“我不会吃惊的，”那位妇女说:“你们哪儿能搞到大象的耳朵呀?”
“不是大象耳朵的事，”服务员说:“我们把用来夹它的大面包用光了。”
5 新朋友
When my wife, Diana, and I met a new couple at church one Sunday, we stopped to introduce ourselves and to exchange pleasantries. We described the friendly neighborhood we lived in, and listened sympathetically as they lamented that theirs was just the opposite.
Saying our good-byes, we got in our cars and drove home. As we approached our house, we were horrified to see that our new-found friends were pulling into the driveway next to ours.
一个星期天，我和妻子戴安娜去教堂时，碰到了一对新婚的夫妇。于是，我们停下车，向他们做了自我介绍，我们之间还表达了相互认识的喜悦之情。我们的话题开始谈到了邻居，我们说我们的邻居如何如何的好。当他们说到他们的邻居恰恰相反时，我们表示了对他们的同情。
后来，我们向他们道了别，开车回到了家。当我们把车子开到家门口时，我们惊奇地发现我们新结识的那对新婚夫妇把车停在了隔璧的停车道上。
6 我当您的儿子
Shortly after our teen-age son started his first job at a family restaurant, we decided to surprise him by having dinner there one night. I was warned by other family members not to embarrass him by making it obvious I was his mother. Being an exuberant parent, I found this difficult but managed to act like other customers. I kept my head bent over the menu and politely accepted silverware and a glass of water---all without glancing up.
I realized I may have been a bit too successful in keeping my distance when my son stared pointedly at me and said, “Hello, my name is Andrew, and I'll be your son for this evening.”
我们上中学的儿子开始在一家餐馆打工做招待不久，我们决定找个晚上到他打工的餐馆吃顿饭，让他大吃一惊。家里的其他人告诫我千万不要显示出我是他的妈妈，以免让他感到难为情。但是，我是个开朗的母亲，要想做到这点确实很难。但我还是装作像其他顾客一样。我低着头看着菜单，很礼貌地接过餐具和一杯水，眼睛始终没敢抬。
我感到这个分寸保持得太成功了。这时我们的儿子紧盯着我说:“你好，我叫安德普，今晚为您服务，您就把我当成是您的儿子好了。”
