“听人说过这句话吗？The truth speaks to us from a peaceful place. Gotta set the stage to hear it.”离荣对她说：“你总是在害怕，其实真的不用，跟我在一起的时候更不用。”（真相会在一个最宁静的地方对我们说话，需要给它搭一个舞台才能听到）
Thanks for sharing your parents’ story! Now I sort of understand why sometimes you over reacted on some comments. I was confused before, because I think people who are happy with their marriage usually are more peaceful and calm. You are lucky to have a wise and mature wife. Wish you couple all the best!
Very happy for you that you found your Ms. Right, who is apparently mature enough to focus on what the other person Can provide in a relationship rather than what the other person can't (i.e., unlike your ex).
I suddenly feel like talking about my family a little bit, just so you know where my value system came from.
My father is not really an "alpha male," but throughout the years, I've heard my mother's colleagues talk openly about how lucky my mother was for having such a handsome, talented, generous, humorous, super nice, and well established guy as husband. But my father kept reminding people that he was skinny, weak (had some chronic illness which was later cured), penniless (actually with debt), and from a "bad" family background when my mother decided to marry him despite pursuit from other people. My father always said passionately that my mother had really good vision. My mother always said what she liked most about my father at the moment was that he was a really nice/considerate person and was a good son to his widowed mom.
My parents have always been considered "the model couple" by their friends and colleagues, but as someone who lived with them, I know that they went through a very turbulent time when I was about 12 or 14 - lots of tears/yells/flying objects and talks about divorce, due to some very tricky family situation (NOT affairs, and sort of related to money and my uncles - one shortcoming of my father is he can't stand any harsh criticism of his older brothers' behaviors, though they didn't really care much about him when he was in need). That time lasted for quite a few years. I don't even know how it ended. Now they still have some minor arguments from time to time, but they are definitely each other's best friend and care-taker. So I KNOW even the best marriages have really bad times.
For work reason, my parents were in two different locations for five years when I was little. I was with my mother. My father was away from us for a stretch of two years without seeing us. Many years later, when I was already in my 20s, and after I made a pretty bad/stupid mistake that almost derailed my life, my father shared with me a secret - that he was seriously tempted by a female colleague when he was away for 2 years. I don't really know what happened or didn't happen. My father only told me that whenever he looked back in life, he felt so lucky that he resisted the temptation and didn't do anything that would have been a betrayal to my mother, otherwise, WE would not have been the happy family that we were. I still remember to this day that he looked at me straight into my eyes, and said "a lot of the mistakes that we make can be corrected; but there are a few - when made, there is NO turning back, and you will regret for the rest of your life."
Anyways, I know that I am TRULY lucky to have found a wife who shares the same values as mine, and the most important is that we both believe in "marriage" and believe that it requires HARD work from both sides. We know that we are just human, so we try our best to stay away from temptations. No one knows what will happen tomorrow in our lives, but we know that we have each other and will deal with it as a family. We actually had an agreement early on when we first got married that we WOULD forgive each other and work with each other even if one of us has an affair, as long as the person who made such mistake is candid about it (this was suggested by my wife, because she told me that I should rest assured that I could tell her about ANYTHING, as she loved me and would be willing to work things out with me instead of pushing me out of marriage and to another person - in that sense, you might call her an "alpha female," but if you meet her, you will find that she's the sweetest/kindest girl you'll ever meet). Luckily, we don't have to deal with that so far. But we WILL deal with it between ourselves should that happen.
With that, I end my excessive comments regarding this topic. Thank you all so much for bearing with me in the past a few days. Wish you all the best.
