Don't Cry Today

2005 旧文。原文不见,还不能恢复。再贴一遍吧。

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前天,临下班时和老板聊天,天南地北正胡乱侃着,眼睛就刺痛,开始红,且泪眼朦胧起来。我知道自己职业病又犯了,通常在长长一整天地面对电脑之后,眼睛会很不舒服。有好几次,在Highway 上,就那样疼痛,突然泪如阵雨。以至于不得不靠边紧急停车,休息几分钟才能再上路,真地很危险。

只好和老板略作解释,当然去掉了Highway 情节。不过,老板不肯就此放我,嘲笑说:”Yeh, you are crying!”

谈到cry, 引出了另一个话题。

“I like cry, ^_^. If I didn’t cry for 3 or 5 months, I will find an excuse to cry.” 

“Oh, no, you look always cheerful. Why?”

“Just like it.”

老板不愧是老板,看问不出理由,换一个角度,”when is the last time you cry?”

Last time?  “Just 2 weeks ago.” 

那一夜,午夜梦回,再也睡不着。翻来覆去,愁肠百结,泪腺的开关不知怎么就触动了,久积的泪水潸然而下,恣意纵横。我知道自己爱哭的毛病又犯了(我好像毛病多多耶),就痛痛快快地哭了个够。第二天,雨过天晴,阳光灿烂。

也许是因为好久没哭了,眼泪聚集超过阀值。

又或是因为两天前听到电话那边久违的声音:“我记得你从小就是需要呵护的人,…“。是啊,原来我也曾经是妈妈的心肝,LG的宝贝,小鸟依人,不识人间烟火过呐。那样的感觉,好像已经遥不可及,尘封已久。而今,远走天涯的我,怎么就成了所有问题都自己扛呐?我无言以对。

 

“Why?”似曾相识,老板的问题又归来。

我没有给老板更多解释,除了 ”feel sad, no reason.” 相信我谈到cry 时是一直笑容满面,轻松愉快地,就好像我在告诉他,没有理由就喜欢唱歌一样。

是呀,还有泪可以流,有愁可以感,还有人记得你旧时模样,还有人可以诉说:“我就是爱掉眼泪。“有理由不开心吗?即使偶尔要悄悄泪流。

那天,老板给我的最后一句话是:“Don’t cry today!" Wuuuuuuuuhahaa

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