1 第一次开出租车
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀，想问个问题。司机大叫起来，车也失去了控制，几乎撞上一辆公车，还上了便道，在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来。
司机说，“伙计，别再这么干了。你把我吓破胆了！”乘客抱歉地说，“我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样。” 司机说，“对不起，也不全是你的错。今天是我第一天开出租。以前25年里我一直开殡葬车。”
2 慷慨的老公/Generous husband
To prevent myself from being burnt by the hot sun in summer, I talked again and again with my husband that we should buy a car of our own.
In the evening. I tried to persuade my husband and said: "Every day I have to go to work by bike in the hot sun and I am getting blacker and blacker like a coal ball. If getting on a bus, it is always too crowded, so I want to buy a…"
My husband interrupted me quickly and said: "If you want to, just buy it, and it costs a little to buy a sunbonnet, so you dont't need to talk it over with me."
为了躲避夏日的烈日，我不止一次地和老公说过要买一辆私家车的事。
晚上，我又试探性地劝老公说：“我每天骑车上班，我都快被晒成煤球了；坐公共汽车又太拥挤，我还是想买一…”
老公赶快打断我说：“想买就买吧，一顶太阳帽也费不了多少钱，这事不必同我商量了。”
3 We weren't looking for the same thing
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway.
After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
一个少年在车道打球时丢了一只隐形眼镜。
经过无果的搜索，他告诉母亲找不到了。不气馁的，母亲出去了，几分钟以后，拿着隐形眼镜回来。“妈妈，你是怎么找到的？”少年问。“我们找的不是同一件东西，”母亲回答，“你找的是一小片塑料，而我是在找150块钱。”
4 只能再活三天/Three days to live
One day, a professor asked his students: "If you have only three days to live in this world, what will you do?"
Student A: I want to stay with my girlfriend.
Student B: I want to go back to see my parents.
Student C: I will try my best to eat some delicious food.
Student D: Professor, I want to attend you lecture.
Hearing this, the professor was so moved. He thought that anyhow there was still a student who wanted to attend his lecture. Just at this moment, he wanted very much to know why the student liked his lecture. So the professor asked: "Can I know the reason?"
"Because when we are in your class, we feel that one day seems a year." Answered student D.
某日，一位教授问学生：“假如你们只剩下三天时间可以活在这个世界上的话，你们将会做些什么？”
学生A：我要和我的女朋友待在一起。
学生B：我要回家看父母。
学生C：我要使劲吃些好东西。
学生D: 教授，我想听你讲课。
听到这里教授非常感动。心想，总算有学生愿意听自己的课。此时，他很想知道学生喜欢他讲课的原因。于是，教授问道：“我能知道原因吗？”
“因为我们听教授的课有种度日如年的感觉。”学生D回答。
5 他游不过大西洋
An American visiting Scotland met a shepherd with a beautiful sheep dog. The American offered the owner $50 for the dog, but the shepherd refused. "I couldn't part with Jack," he said.
Just then, a man with an English accent walked up and made the same offer. The shepherd agreed, pocketed money and handed over the dog.
The American was very angry. "You told me you wouldn't sell that dog," he cried.
"No, no" said the shepherd. "I said I couldn't part with him. England is not that far away and Jack will be back in a couple of days. But he couldn't swim the Atlantic".
一个访问苏格兰的美国人碰到一个牧羊人带着个漂亮的牧羊狗。美国人愿出价50美元买这只狗，可是牧羊人拒绝了。“我不能和杰克分离，”他说。
就在这时，一个英格兰口音的人走过，出相同的价钱。牧羊人的同意了，他把钱装起来，把狗递过去。
美国人很生气，“你告诉我你不愿卖这只狗的，”他大声说。
“不，不”牧羊人说，“我说过我不能与他分离。英格兰并不太远，杰克几天后就会回来。可是，它游不过大西洋呀”。
6 善意的谎言/A white lie
A middle-aged couple went to the gallery.
The wife who was nearsighted, stood in front of a mirror at the entrance, which she thought that it was a picture, and she saw a woman's image and cried out, "Dear me, how could a woman be so ugly?"
"Don't be so fussy," said the husband. "It's lucky that it is not a mirror and it's a picture."
一对中年夫妻来到画廊。
妻子是近视眼，她站到了入口处的镜子面前，她以为这面镜子是一幅画。她看到了一张女人的肖像，惊呼道：“天呐，天下竟然有这样丑陋的女人。”
“别大惊小怪，”她的丈夫说，“还好那是一张画，而不是一面镜子。”
