1 今年冬天冷不冷/The winter will be cold or mild
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild. Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service.
"Will the winter be bad?" he asks.
"Looks like it," is the answer.
So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood. A week later, he calls again.
"Are you positive the winter will be very cold?"
"Absolutely."
The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood, then calls the Weather Service again: "Are you sure?"
"I'm telling you, it's going to be the coldest winter on record."
"How do you know?"
"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
印地安人问他们的新酋长，这个冬天是冷还是温暖。这位年轻的酋长从没学过祖先那些本领，他只好吩咐他们去捡木柴，然后自己走到一边去给国家气象局打电话。
“今年冬天会不会很冷？”他问。
“看上去是这样的。”他得到这样的回答。
于是酋长要求大家收集更多的木柴。一个星期后，他又打电话给国家气象局。
“你确信今年冬天会很冷？”
“毫无疑问。”
酋长随即要求族人捡更多的木柴，然后再次给国家气象局打电话：“你肯定吗？”
“我告诉你，那将是有史以来最寒冷的冬天。”
“你怎么知道？”
“因为印第安人正发疯似地捡木柴！”
2 我一点都不渴/I'm not even thirsty
Nearing the end, Stanislaw is surrounded by loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, "I must tell you my greatest secret." His family urges him to go on.
"Before I got married, I had it all," Stanislaw explains. "Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, 'Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?"
"What?"
"I'm not even thirsty!"
临死之前，斯坦尼斯被他挚爱的家人包围着。知道自己的最后时刻就要来了，他拿出所有力气，轻声耳语，“我必须告诉你们我的最大的秘密。”他的家人催他赶紧说。
斯坦尼斯说，“在我结婚之前，我什么都有：快速的车，美女，还有大把大把的钱。但是一个好朋友警告我说，‘你应该结婚，建立一个家庭，否则当你奄奄一息躺在床上时，都没个人会为你端茶倒水。’于是我听取了他的建议，离开了姑娘们，娶了一个妻子。我不再把钱花在啤酒上，而是留下来给孩子们买吃的。我卖掉了我的法拉利，投资了大学基金。所以现在才有了你们。可你们知道吗？”
“知道什么？”
“我现在一点都不渴啊！”
3 一个简单的手术/A very simple operation
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the damn doctor!"
一位男士在进行手术前被发现正沿着医院的大厅逃离。
“发生了什么？”有人问他。
男士回答道：“我听见护士说，‘这只是一个很简单的手术。不用担心，我相信不会出问题的。’”
“她这样做是想让你感到安心啊，有什么好害怕的？”
“可她是在对那该死的手术医生说！”
4 二战已经结束/World War II is over
This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest to confess.
"Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by marrying me."
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly."
"Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"
一位年长的意大利男人来向他的教区神父忏悔。
他说：“神父，二战伊始，一个美丽的犹太女人来敲我的门，要把她藏起来不让德国人找到。我于是把她藏在阁楼里，德国人也的确没能找到她。”
“这是件好事儿啊！”神父打断他说，“你根本没必要为这事儿来找我忏悔啊！” “但后来好事儿变成了坏事儿，”这个老人继续说到，“我不够坚定，我告诉她因为我帮了忙所以她必须以身相许来回报我。”
神父对这个披露沉思了一阵，回答说：“嗯……那是个艰难的时期，你冒了很大风险。如果德国人发现你把她藏起来，你肯定会很惨。我相信，以上帝的智慧和宽容，他一定能从你的善与恶里找的平衡，饶恕你的罪。”
“谢谢你神父！你这么说我轻松多了！我能再问个问题吗？”
“你问，孩子。”
“我是不是也必须告诉她二战已经结束了呢？”
5 动机/Motivation
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation". "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走？”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来？又是什么驱使你追求成功？”突然转身对着一个年轻女子，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢？”学生答道：“我妈妈。”
6 这难道不好吗/Isn't it wonderful?
"What are you so happy about?" a woman asked the 98-year-old man.
"I broke a mirror," he replied.
"But that means seven years of bad luck."
"I know." he said, beaming, "Isn't it wonderful?"
“你高兴什么？”一个女士问一个98岁的老人。
“我打碎了一个镜子。”他回答。
“但那预示着7年的坏运气。”
“我知道。”他高兴地说，“这难道不好吗？”
