值班第一天在精神科迷路

有一个朋友最近在收集我以前的文章，找出来这篇，我本来是英文写的随笔，但是她问我可不可以翻译成中文，和更多朋友分享。于是我翻译了一下。一转眼十四年过去了，我走到现在，真的要感谢那些善良的医生护士们对我这个异乡医生的特殊关照，不管美国的政治如何纷扰，我知道我在这里受到的教育和关怀，远远比我在上海做住院医生时候多的多。我对这片土地，永远有一份感激之情。

Are you ok？7/5/2006 2:20 Am

今天是我第一次值班。昨晚上我就开始紧张得睡不着，所以还没到下午，就已经开始犯困了。而我真正的值班还都没开始。

下午四点，值白班的intern把pager给我，我的住院医生也通知我，急诊室已经有两个病人等着我们去收了。

我赶到ER开始收病人，一路上护士，其他team的医生都开始page我，好多地方我也吃不准，还要问我的住院医生。还好他对我一直都蛮耐心的。

对intern来说，第一次值班是一个挑战。今天轮到我带上那个催命的pager，大家看到我都会停下来问我一声，are you OK？我忙得脚不点地，只能快速点头说oh yeah！

晚上十点，精神科page我。说他们有个病人要我们会诊。我和住院医生一起过去看病人的时候，内科病房护士叫我去看一个病人。我的住院医生让我先去内科病房，她等下过来找我。

精神科是一个很特殊的地方，出于安全考虑，到处都是锁住的。一个护士带我出去的路，跟我和住院医生进来的路不一样，我跟着exit sign拐了几个弯，马上就迷路了。

突然，我后面的那扇门自动锁上了，然后我前面的门也是锁着的。我被困在一段五米长的走廊上，没有灯光，没有手机信号。

我的pager不停地响，我的住院医生问我在哪里，病房护士还在找我。我使劲砸门，跟精神病人一样拼命大喊大叫，但是深夜的走廊里，不会有人经过。我站在黑暗中，害怕得哭也哭不出来。

我使劲踢门，大喊，彷佛是过了永远，最后一个护士打开了门。

看到她，我才意识到自己的精神受到了多大的创伤，我使劲抱住她放声大哭起来。她轻轻拍我的背，过了一会儿，我意识到自己有点夸张了，赶紧擦干眼泪，对护士道谢，她问我，are you OK?我礼貌地说，yes, thank you。

她送我走回到精神科门口，我找回到内科病房。我的住院医生已经看完了病房的那个病人开始写病历了。我很不好意思，这是我的工作。她抬头看到我，并没有问我这么久我去那里了。为什么不回她的pager，只是轻轻地问了我一声，are you ok?我点点头，平静地说，oh yeah thank you，然后开始写其他病历。

我想在那样的深夜，发生了什么并不重要，只要一句I am OK,就行了。

精神科迷路后续

 (2006-07-16 19:12:45)下一个

自从上次在精神科深夜迷路，我在精神科就妇孺皆知了。他们的护士长特地写了一封信给我，为那天晚上抱歉，然后我每次去精神科会诊，他们都要派专人把我送出来，弄得我很不好意思。

昨天值班，又有病人要看。那个病人坐在活动室里吃饭，看上去很正常，谁知道一开始说话，就再也止不住了，我不断地打断她回到话题，但是都不成功。好不容易我的pager响了，终于脱身去打电话。打完电话要走的时候，那个病人竟然就在电梯口等着我，又是滔滔不绝，结果一个护士过来说can i borrow the doc for a sec,她带着我偷偷地去了后面的电梯，这样就不用经过这个病人了，她通过摄像头和对讲机再三确认了我安全离开了，才锁上了门。

我感觉我好像一个地下党，在同志们的掩护下安全转移了，呵呵。

are you OK?

 (2006-07-05 23:58:02)下一个

2:20 Am

Today is my first on call. I could not sleep very well last night because of  the anxiety about today's call. So in the afternoon, I really began to feel drowsy, and my day has not even started yet.

4pm sharp, the day call team passed their pager to me, and my resident told me there were two admissions waiting for us already.

We went down to ER beginning the admission. During then, I got paged from nurses, change over docs, etc. I had to ask my resident about most decisions, luckily he has  been quite patient with me. 

The first on call day for an intern is a real challenge. Today I am the one wearing scrubs and carrying the pager, so everybody frequently asked me, Are you OK? I was really too busy to stop to chat, only a quick Oh Yeah and then kept walking.

10pm, we got a call from psychiatric department, saying they have a patient with multiple medical issues needed to be consulted. While we were talking with the patient, I got another call from the floor, so my resident asked me to go see the patient on the floor and she will meet me there.

Psychiatric ward is a special place, locked everywhere for security reason. I lost my direction when a nurse opened the exit door for me. It was not the way I came in with my resident. I followed the exit sign, but got more confused. Suddenly the door behind me locked down, so did the one in front of me. I was trapped in a 5 meter long hallway, with no phone, no light and I didn't have my cellphone with me.

My pager kept going off, my resident was looking for me, and nurses on the floor needed to talk with me. I kept pounding at the door, screaming like a real psychiatric patient. It's 11pm, and nobody was there. I stood in the dark, too scared to even cry. 

I kept screaming for help and kicked at the door, after seems forever, finally a nurse opened the door. Not until I saw her, did I realize how traumatized I was. I hugged her with all my strength and began to cry really hard. She padded my back softly while I just cried and cried. Finally I collected myself, and said thank you, she asked me " Are you OK", I said yes.

When I finally found my way back, my resident already began to do my notes, she didn't ask where I have been, why I didn't answer pager, instead she just looked up at me and asked "Are you OK?" "Oh, yeah, thank you", I replied with a calm tone and took over the notes. She then smiled.

I guess it is not important what happened, it's I am OK really matters.