A personal tradition was born after dad died on Apr 9 2020 and I chose not to go
back to China(well, not yet). Fasting was a response out of guilt and despair: I
could do nothing for you and let me repent in suffering. In the blue funk that
followed, I decided to do it more often. For two days, I would eat nothing
around the New Year, the QingMing festival, and my birthday. Fasting on these
days feels natural and so far, I have been observing the ritual.
Looking back at the path I took through life, I was amazed at how many decisions
seemed made on a hunch: choosing a college, switching to a computer major,
coming to America, my health awakening, etc. The gut feelings had to come from
somewhere. It was as if I were guided by invisible forces and my life was
pre-programmed to a large degree.
This year's QingMing came during Lent, a period observed by many Christians to
remember Jesus's 40 day fast. My own fast started Friday evening. I trained
Jiu-Jitsu on Saturday and came back to Fremont for the next 24 hours. The second
night felt better than that of the last fast in Dec 2021: with an empty stomach,
I still got a few naps. My mind was a little foggy the next morning. After warmup
exercises, I skipped weight-lifting and went for coffee at Peet's. Around noon,
I went to the river bank for a walk.
It was a balmy day and the air was fresh and sweet. A film of clouds bleached
the April sky. The hills had traded in their lush green winter coat for a golden
jacket. From the bay blowed a gentle breeze, enough to lift the giant eagles
cruising high. Few joggers or walkers but plenty of cyclists got on the trail.
Many were friendly and smiled and said hi. Compared with most of the rest of the
world, what a luxury we have here. The protest from my stomach had abated and my
muscles and joints had recovered from exercises. It felt so pleasant that I
spent almost two hours outdoors.
I suspect that fasting becomes easier with age. This round, it didn't take much
effort to keep my mind off from food. In two days, I had two cups of black
coffee and two cups of green tea. At 6:00pm, I broke the fast with two mangoes
and one banana, followed by a feast of almonds, spinich, beef, dates, liquor,
two popsicles, and some chocolates. Over-eating led to another so-so sleep.
回复 '暖冬cool夏' 的评论 : BTW, I don't think more people reading my posts. I think it is those search engines pulling in Web pages to build indices for them.
回复 '暖冬cool夏' 的评论 : Thank you again for your kind words, my friend.
I think your attitude plays a
big role in your ability to enjoy English writings. You can read anything, e.g.,
The Atlantic or The Economists, and learn from it. Only that in our blogs we can
reply and that adds to the fun.
Don't worry about commenting more. I enjoy our conversations and I think it's
important that we practice using the language regularly, just as we approach
other pursuits.
回复 '7grizzly' 的评论 : Right, I forgot Zhao's, who have been taking care of your dad for years. I did not mean "alone", but "without you". I remember your post about his last moment.
What impressed me about your dad is that he never laid a finger on you. He must be very good-tempered, and that kind of temper is normally genetic, meaning you are good-tempered too:)) I believe in that.
Except some of your "technical" ones, I read your posts word by word, learning some expressions and the words "skirt", " holiday", "field" as verbs (and more of course, like "fork"), and the word "trickle" to refer to people trickling down the apartment. I came across them or confirmed in my later readings. And for that, thank you, my friend!
Not every post needs to have a theme or structurally perfect. Some are just journals, and I understand that, especially when you write so often. I am just joking.
Sorry that I wrote too long today. If J sees it, she would laugh at me:)) I will try to keep my comments short in the future, now that more and more people are reading your posts:))
回复 '光盐行者' 的评论 : Thank you, my friend, for reading and commenting. All good points.
回复 '暖冬cool夏' 的评论 : Thank you, 暖冬, for reading and your touching comments. Dad was not alone at the last moment. The Zhao's and my cousin were with him. And he did see my last message to him: "I will be your son the next life, too." That was one small relief.
As for the ending, I feel the same. My excuse was that the post simply recorded what happened and didn't mean to deliver a strong message.
Fasting is a healthy habit, just don't overdo it. I don't fast when I workout.
Tears started to swell at the words of "guilt and despair", as I associate easily with the word orphan, and a picture of your dad alone in hospital. But at a pandemic time, we were helpless.
I love this post. It flows smoothly, and the word choices like balmy and bleach are natural and concise. The ending is a bit weak, as it ends with a full stomach:)) Just kidding. Don't fast too often though.
Enjoy your life and spring time!
