WORLD ORDER ACCORDING TO TWO COWS
1) FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
2) PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the
cows. The government gives you as much as you need.
3) BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
4) FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hire you to take
care of them, and sells you the milk.
5) PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care
of them, and you all share the milk.
6) RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.
7) DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
8) SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you from
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
9) MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
10) PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.
11) REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone
to tell you who gets the milk.
12) AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if
you vote for it. After election, the president is impeached for speculating
in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
13) BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
14) BUREACRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for
the missing cows.
15) ANACHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
16) CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
17) HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, then execute a debt/equity swap so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
18) ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking
or killing them.
19) FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
20) TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies
they ever existed. Milk is banned.
21) POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"
is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-
aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
22) COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like ... these two cows, man. You
just got to have some of this milk.
23) SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
