It was 8ish on the Labor Day Sunday morning. Unlike any other crisp morning here in Southern CA, this windless morning plagued by a prolonged heat wave was swelteringly hot. The concrete-paved ground that had collected the morning heat was diffusing like a steamer. The palm trees and lawns next to it could no longer help moderate the temperature. They looked weary too. But that did not seem to put a damper on people. A team of around 20 people, mostly women with an addition of four or five men, were standing there undaunted. The familiar Chinese music was floating in the air, to the beat of which they wriggled their bodies. Em stood among them, stretching, bending, twisting and jumping as they used to do every Sunday morning. Soon the upper parts of their T-shirts were wet with sweat.
The teacher stood in the front, instructing through a microphone headset tilted to her mouth, as she danced. She is lithe and young-looking, and the fact that she is ten years senior than Em floored her. “Can I be as young and agile as she is in ten years?” Em doubted it.
A two-week’s record-breaking bout of heat wave was finally eased today as a moderate rainfall quelled the sizzling earth.
07/15/2023
Dancing with the team becomes Em’s newfound passion and pastime. Though she was not born a dancer, as her later years’ stunted growth in height disqualifies her, her love for music is in her blood, and dancing to the music is thus made sensational. In her mid-50s, without many house chores and the daughter around, her desire of living her own life is rekindled and only becomes more intensifying as aging creeps upon stealthily. Dancing re-invigorates her body, her arms, her legs and her heart.
After a year's dancing with the team, Em decided to take one bold step further – to join the team in the video-taped performances. She deemed this a chance to lively record herself that can attest to the years. The evanescent bygone youth is never to be salvaged, neither will be the current middle-aged years. Life is a one-way street, but with videos and pictures, at least she could revisit the memory lanes.
Em had to rummage in the drawer for the makeup, when the dance teacher’s dress code sent through Wechat asked for light makeups for the video-taping. It must be almost a decade since her last use of makeup, possibly at a job interview when that was ever needed. She found a large ziploc bag left behind by her daughter, where some cases, tubes and brushes were kept. She picked up a disguised lipstick, and put it on her lips, only to find that it was a foundation. While a lipstick, found in a half-dried and half-emptied bottle, was in the shape of an eyelash brush. Em could not help laughing at herself for being so behind and ignorant. Cosmetics, like fashion, must have upended itself in this evolving era.
Em looked at herself in the mirror, a middle aged woman, whose countenance had long lost its youth and luster. Aging was now in every cell of her face. Despite the recently dyed hair, the wrinkles and creases in the eye corners and below the jaw however were starting to emerge. The once velvety skin that she was most proud of was now blemished with dotty dark spots. The UV rays in the sun that greehs her almost every day must have done its job. Em was a bit melancholy as she brushed the foundation here and there, trying to cover the dark spots up.
In her light makeup and a long red skirt, Em drove up to the great park. It was around 6:50 pm, but the nearest parking lot to the square was fully packed. Em U-turned, parked afar, and made a beeline across the lawn. She looked around, and saw to her right on the lawn a big white sheet highly elevated for the projection of a movie. “The park is a hub of the city now.” Em thought to herself, while she quickened her steps towards the square.
It’s a high summer evening. After a day’s sun bake, the ground and the air were balmy. The sky was still blue with wisps of clouds drifting around. Em joined the team, lined up and poised for the music to start. The sun setting in the west torched the sky crimson, turning the houses in the distance next to it in dark silhouette. Nearby, a big orange balloon, the icon of the county, was half rising in the sky. The towering palm trees around were glowing in the last sunrays. It was against this backdrop that Em and her team danced in the twilight.
The night finally fell. As Em waved good-bye to the team who stayed on for more dances, she saw the huge orange balloon glowing high above in the night sky, beckoning her a good night.
06/24/2023
The news was broken to Em on the morning of May 23 on her way to work. A friend of Em’s left a voice message on Wechat that Jen, the elder daughter of Lis, their mutual friend, fell off a cliff and died when she and her boyfriend was touring Switzerland. Tears welled up in Em’s eyes as the sudden and heart-wrenching news gripped her. Old memories resurfaced. It was during the first few years in the states, two decades ago that Em met Lis in the same apartment complex they lived. Lis came from Shenzhen to join her husband, who after a year or two stints in Canada, found a job in the states. Lis brought with her the little Jen, who was 6 or 7 years old at the time. They befriended each other, taking their daughters to the same piano school and having them learn Chinese together.
Who would think that a young and blossoming life came to an abrupt end like this?
Jen’s memorial service was scheduled on June 24. In all her black shirt and suit, Em appeared in front of a small church thirty minutes’ drive away where the memorial service would be held. A long table was set up in the hallway by one side, collecting attendants’ name and signups. Em followed the line, scribbled down her name, and started scouring for Lis, who she had not met for ages. There at the entrance to the inner hall stood Lis, greeting and hugging passersby. She was in her black shirt, with golden threads fringing the edges of the thinly knitted skirt. Her hairs peppered with some gray were tied back in a bun. In her mid-fifties, Lis still looked gracefully beautiful. At a wave of the hand, Em briskly walked towards Lis and embraced her. A bit surprised as Em did not register online beforehand, Lis recognized her instantly and burst out crying. The sadness was ineffable. She only patted Lis’s sobbing back and tightened her arms around her in tears.
Em saw Jen’s boyfriend when he delivered the speech. He was the only witness, who knew what happened. But the recount of the accident was so short that Em only remembered two sentences: “ Jen slipped, and I could have held her… The helicopter came after about an hour…”
What could really happen? Em sat there, sunk in thought.
Rumors had it that it was not an accident.
暖冬cool夏 发表评论于
回复 '7grizzly' 的评论 : I wouldn’t expect her to understand me until she becomes a mom herself. But what if younger generations nowadays choose to remain single:)) I remember the conversations between Bill and Tim you once wrote, and I’d like to forward an article from The Atlantic I happened to read around the time. Let me see if I can still find it. Thanks, my friend, for your thought.
7grizzly 发表评论于
回复 '暖冬cool夏' 的评论 : I wouldn't blame myself, either, because I'm limited to what I know and what I can understand. Good intentions can pave a road to hell but it's extremely selfish not to be thankful.
暖冬cool夏 发表评论于
回复 '7grizzly' 的评论 : Thanks, my friend, for coming back to read my old post. Group dancing is more fun than I expected. I will stick to it.
You are absolutely right not to push Tim too hard. Looking back, I did a poor job in helping relieve J’s stress. She is sour that her four years high school was spent like that. Life is short. Youth is shorter.:) )
7grizzly 发表评论于
It's great to see you picked up dancing. Physical exercises help not just the body, but also the mind. It keeps you from thinking negative and repetitive thoughts. Hope you enjoy it.
Very sorry to hear about Jen's fatal incident. Its implications are clear. I'm going to be even more patient with Tim and try to tell him that he is good enough.
我都几乎错过了暖冬这篇哦。 当时也看到西岸有人等台风。 觉得你女儿好贴心呢。
“she saw the huge orange balloon glowing high above in the night sky,”，我猛一看照片以为是太阳， 马上意识到不对， 是大气球。 坚持用英文写日记真是一个好习惯。 佩服暖冬。
回复 '野性de思维' 的评论 : 维兄好！维兄有心了，非常感谢你的分享，you actually made my day.朋友之间交的是心，我喜欢你的直言不讳，有话直说。其实我自己有时候也很迷茫，写英文干什么，关键是写的自己都不满意，这么多年下来没有提高的，有时候还不如以前写的东西。但是，又想着人生总要不断努力进取，等到快要入土时再回首，能觉得自己不枉此生就好。
我们活在当今世上，很多现象会让人不解的，比如维兄文章里所描绘的种种，所以有时会逼着自己去思考。其实人生的很多道理是靠我们去悟的，并非是从书本上学到的。能在纷乱的世界里保持独立思考的能力，发出独立的声音绝非易事。我们一起努力！真是要谢谢维兄对我的鼓励和肯定，我们互相学习吧！
那个名叫Hillary的飓风还真没有来，变心了，拐了个弯去了别处：）周日，五级地震倒是不请自来。
