Both marriage and soul mate are basically the same. When dating, one wants to get married. After getting married, one needs a soul mate. Soul mate does not need to match everything. Only a piece of soul is enough. It may last very long or forever. Regardless they meet or not. They can be online, pen pal or real life friends. Online is just one of the forms. Unfortunately, most people happen to have empty spots in their hearts. That's reality. One needs something to fill up the vacancy's in their hearts. People like adventures. It satisfies them. This is a constant struggle deep in one's heart.
melly 发表评论于
Helen,
You are such a sweet girl! No, you didn’t offend me at all. I wish you could see me smiling while writing. I was kidding by stating I am a bad woman. Actually, I hope I am a little bit bad somehow. You know what? Bad women, like bad men, are much popular nowadays. Lol
Alright, no more kidding. I love your concept of hold faith in marriage. Marriage is a life-long business. One can not enjoy the marriage without strong faith. Marriage, like everything else, goes up and down now and then, except 7-year itch. I despise those who rashly divorces once the marriage goes down. Healthy friendship will help to build up good marriage.
Neither being friend with married males nor single males are safe. With married males, one could worry about marriage. With single males, don’t you worry if the guy would love you to death while you are married? :) No matter being with whom, married or single, clear head and big heart are needed. No wonder few male or female could really be soul mates for each other. Once we find what we like, the first response is to possess it. We are all human beings, greedy. Sigh.
Life is so interesting because of these paradoxes, conflicts such as marriage and friendship between man and woman. Let’s deal with them wisely.:)
blhw72 发表评论于
Sweetheart, if anything I said leads you to a point that it seems you are a bad woman, I apologize. I didn't intend to offend you.
Marriage relationship certainly wouldn't be able to meet all our satisfaction in spirituality. Thus we have friends, parents, siblings, children...... I would accept sexual relationship with a good friend with a condition that both of us are neither married nor involve in any serious relationship. As of one-night stand, it's personal choice, so long as people are aware of STDs.
I do believe there are true feelings occured between two married people or one married while the other not. I fully understand how they feel. I may sound negtive due to my previous personal experience in relationship. I don't appreciate and encourage being a married man's soulmate if he doesn't wanna get out of the marriage. Simply I still would like to hold my faith in marriage.
However, a woman and a man could really be good friends. Like what you said, they are always aware of not crossing the line improperly.
A thought, before a man and a woman get married, they should try to be friends first.
melly 发表评论于
Helen,
Don’t I think it is a game? Well, I think it depends on if the man and the woman cross the line. Love affair and one night-stand sometimes happening between friends are usually disguised with friendship. They may end either the friendship or the marriage. Keeping distance and being yourself are always basic rules in every relationship, especially friendship between a man and a woman.
Do I believe in pure Plato friendship? I used to, not now. Physical, even sexual attraction is everywhere. (In this case, you are extremely vulnerable.:)) Personally, I do believe having male friends will benefit us based on my experiences. Undoubtedly, a husband matches most of a woman’s need, but not all. Friends will meet the others. Soulmate, to me, is a tricky word. It is hard to define. I may not have any soulmate so far. In fact, simple friendship is good enough for me. Speaking of being a married male’s friend, well, I guess it is much easier because married people share similar topics.
I may be stupid and impossible, not because I am trying to find a married man as my soulmate but because I can’t stop believing beautiful things and being touched at the same time even if they are not realistic. However, keeping in mind the line and the limitation would be a good way to avoid trouble.
Hey, online friends may be safer as long as never trying to be offline. :)
Seems I am a bad woman. :)
blhw72 发表评论于
Melly,
Don't you think it is a game? It might bring some spice into life with a good friendship title. As well as subtly pushes both the man and the woman to the edge.
Do you believe a pure plato friendship between a woman and a man? I do believe any relationship is unable to develop with skipping physical attraction, which doesn't have to be sexual.
My best friend is an American male. While my hubby has a very good female friend -- an attractive American woman, his personal trainer. I am not indicating that both hubby and I are trying to jeopardize the marriage. However, I do admit it is a sensitive spot. That's why we both are carefully handling the friendship with open minds.
I would say, a married man wants an intimate female soulmate rather than his wife, that's selfishness. A woman is dreaming of being a married man's soulmate, that's stupidness. I am sorry to say that I don't see any beauty but pain and trouble.
They do not know "let it go" and "move on". As I said: "the door closed, another opened."
melly 发表评论于
Helen,
You brought on good points.
Human nature is multifaceted. So is emotion. I wish our spouses are our soulmates too. But most of the time, this is only our beautiful dream. One of the reason is the distance. It is easy for us to see something much more beautiful from a distance. Again, this is human nature, whatever we like it or not.
Actually, being an intimate female friend, like in this essay, is an excuse when her love could not be accepted. It is not practical, only like a fairtale indeed. It would not last long,because love is intimate.
Love is multifaceted too. Smart women will enjoy love from both family and friendship in simple, plain life.
Melly
blhw72 发表评论于
Melly, why could the man's wife not be his best female friend? Instead, another woman intrudes in to construct a 3-person relationship frame? If the woman never crosses the line of just being a good friend, nothing wrong is about it. However, not vice verse.
Admittedly, we are all human beings. Feelings are something beyound our ration. Then I start to have a question, why we need marriage. It seems like marriage is not the destination of our love path.