Stutter has done me more good than harm ZT

When I was eighteen I dreamed of being a journalist. I applied to
hundreds of papers (every town had a weekly rag back then) and even had
an interview with Aberdeen's 'big' daily paper. I did really badly at
the interview and even had the audacity to say, when asked what my
longer term ambitions were, that I saw the job as a stepping stone to
Fleet Street and the Nationals. Talk about the naivety of youth!!

I've always believed in me, even when it wasn't warranted. That does
not mean I did not worry (and sometimes cry) because I stuttered because
I did. When offered my first managerial job in the oil industry I
seriously considered whether or not to take it, because of my stutter
and a fear of using the phone. The thing is, I knew I could do the job
and do it well - or at least thought I could - and so my arrogance over
ruled my fears.

I've been fired twice in the oil industry for speaking my mind i.e.
telling my boss or company owner what I thought. This is not always a
smart thing to do but I can't help myself! That's probably why setting
up my own company was a good idea i.e. you can't really get fired by
yourself.

My stutter was always a challenge during the first 15 years of my
working life and when my boss' boss told me I'd go no further in the
Company because of my stutter it was a real low point in my career and
my life. I was around 32 or 33 at the time and still avoiding certain
situations, still using my secretary to make phone calls for me etc. I
went to meetings, contributed to sales, socialised with the clients etc
but still found it hard to get over my fear of using the phone.

At 35 the situation changed i.e. I went on a four week residential
stammering course - paid for by my then boss who eight years later fired
me - and my view towards stuttering changed irrevocably. I learned
about desensitisation and the importance of not giving a damn what other
people thought. In truth, this had been part of my personality anyway
but I was a realist and knew this was the front I portrayed to the
outside world i.e. underneath I had all the fears and worries that all
stutterers have. The course showed me that people on the outside don't
really care about how you say the words, just as long as you're bright
enough to have thought of them in the first place.

I'm lucky to have been well educated and have a strong (some would say
forceful) personality and believe there's nothing I can't do. I would
add however that I know what I'm good at i.e know what I can / can not
do and therefore you won't see me trying to fix a car engine, make
something with my hands, repair a broken computer etc. My brain does
not work like that and therefore I've always concentrated on the things
I am good at.

This is what I mean when I suggest we should all maximise the talents we
have, rather than try to do things that - regardless of whether we
stutter or not - we don't have a talent for. I also gathered the right
people around me when setting up my own company and firmly believe that
this, more than anything else, was why the company was a success. I was
there to shout and push but the real talent was working under me.
Having said that, it's a talent in itself finding the right people to
bring you success.

I now sit on Crete and try to write books and so you can see my love of
writing has never left me and indeed was probably an offshoot of my oral
dis fluency.

I'm still positive about my stutter and in fact delight in talking with
people about it. Last night, for example, I was eating dinner at a
local taverna and speaking with four or five total strangers about
stuttering. They'd noticed the blocks and had that strange look on
their faces (the ones we've all seen) and so I made a funny comment
about stuttering and took over the conversation.

What's vitally important, at least from where I'm standing, is to let
the listener know that, regardless of whether I stutter or not, I'm an
intelligent human being with something to say. I make them listen and
won't let them interrupt - even mid block - and that's always been my
philosophy. I'm sure it helps that I'm 6' 6" tall and not as slim as I
once was i.e. they may feel compelled to listen !!

I'd also add that I'm quite proud at what I've achieved over the years
but - and this is equally important - I would probably not have had the
drive or the desire to succeed if I hadn't stuttered. In a perverse way
it made me work harder to succeed and so in many ways it's done me more
good than harm.

Jon