今天凌晨朦朦胧胧醒来时，我习惯性地将手伸向枕边摸一个人的脸，不料却没摸着。看着身边空空的枕头，我想起先生4天前去外地出差，今晚才会回来。看了一眼挂在墙上的钟，刚过5点，比往常早醒了一个多小时。因为昨晚9点半就上床睡觉，我就决定不再继续睡，而是起床做晨读与灵修、锻炼、以及检查电子邮件。读到其中一封邮件时，我不仅泪流满面，我们全家所爱的一位好朋友CS即将走到他在这个世界生命的尽头。
自从4年半前被诊断患晚期非哈金森氏淋巴癌，CS勇敢地经历了化疗、放疗、骨髓移植、干细胞移植等治疗。遗憾的是无论传统的还是试验性的淋巴癌治疗方法对他都失效了。他这4年半来的抗癌之路是信心之旅、仰望之旅、交托之旅，更是爱之旅（《苦难中的信心和盼望》，《我怎么能不歌唱?》）。我在为他流泪的同时，也被他的信心感动与安慰。我一面抹着眼泪，一面以先生和我的名义给他和他的妻子写了一封长长的回信。。。
写完信后，心情还是不能平静，我就继续晨读。这次，我选择阅读旧约《何西阿书》。其中这段话安慰着我，耶和华神说：“。。。我必救赎他们脱离阴间，救赎他们脱离死亡。死亡啊，你的灾害在哪里呢？阴间哪，你的毁灭在哪里呢？。。。”（何西阿书13：14）。The Lord said：“I will deliver this people from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death. Where, O death, are your plagues? Where, O grave, is your destruction?”（Hosea13:14)。
象前3个清晨一样，先生在7点左右给我打来电话，开始了一天的相互问候与祝福。为了不影响先生新一天刚开始的心情，我原打算等到晚上才告诉他有关CS的消息。但是，我还是忍不住含着眼泪告诉了先生CS的近况，并且请他到我的电子邮件信箱阅读CS的电邮，以及我以我们俩的名义写给CS和CS妻子的一封信。先生听了后，也很难过。我们相互劝慰，并且相互鼓励要好好地生活。
【后记】：征得CS的同意，将他的电子邮件记载在我的博客中，愿生活在疾病、痛苦中的人得鼓励与安慰，愿生活在健康、幸福中的人得思考与珍惜。为尊重当事人，我将姓名隐藏，用缩写代替， D是CS的妻子。
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011 4:59 PM
Dear praying friends and family,
D and I are SO appreciative of the huge number of people who are praying for us. Again, let's all remember that it is the faithfulness of the LORD that is on display during this cancer journey, not necessarily the faithfulness of the patient or the REALLY large number of those who are praying for a great display of medical success. Nevertheless, we feel the INCREDIBLE support of hundreds of dear friends in prayer. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Truth be told: My health situation is worsening. The LORD has put it on my heart to prepare for death. I am comfortable and content and confident in the arms of the Savior. My thoughts are aimed towards preparing for Heaven. Below is a sweet and powerful song about death. There are links to free materials at the end. Please take a listen. There is a bit more of a health update below.
IT IS NOT DEATH TO DIE
It is not death to die,
To leave this weary road,
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who’ve found their home with God.
It is not death to close
The eyes long dimmed by tears,
And wake in joy before Your throne,
Delivered from our fears,
O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save.
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die
It is not death to fling
Aside this earthly dust
And rise with strong and noble wing
To live among the just,
It is not death to hear
The key unlock the door
That sets us free from mortal years
To praise You evermore,
Original words by Henri Abraham César Malan (1787–1864). Translated by George Bethune (1847). Music, chorus, and alternate words by Bob Kauflin
© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
FREE RECORDING HERE
http://sgm.edgeboss.net/download/sgm/worshipmatters/freesong/it_is_not_death_to_die.mp3
MEDICAL UPDATE
I am in the hospital. My doctors are treating my Lymphoma and an assortment of bacterial infections. I'm extremely weak, but have no pain. I am preparing to die and crying tears of great joy and satisfaction. If you aren't trusting in Jesus alone for hope in this life and the next, you cannot possibly understand the peace that passes understanding. Come to Jesus.
Resting in Him; He is my Portion forever.
CS
