Abused compassion

I encountered an experience today which I find difficult to digest.

I always have compassion for the old people in US. Mostly of them are very isolated and lonely, as they do not live with their family. Or they do not wish to disturb their families. From their perspective, they take pride in their independence and take it granted. But as a person grow up with eastern culture, I thought they are poorly treated and need special care.

That intention pushed me to sign up as the volunteer driver for elderlys who cannot drive because of health issues. My duty is to drive them to doctor appointment, day care class, etc. I pictured all those aged people who live alone in their houses with no immediate family around them. It would be my pleasure to help, if I can.

My first experience is to drive an lady to doctor appointment. To my surprised, she lived with her granddaughter. But her granddaughter needs to work so she was unable to took her to the doctor. It was a bit shock for me. Good thing is that the old lady is super polite and sweet. She told the nurses that the volunteers driver stuff is the best thing the senior center had ever done. At least she appreciate it and I was happy.

This morning I drove another lady to the church class. Before my appointment, I called twice last night and this morning. No one answered the phone. As I arrived on time in front of a decent house, a well-dressed mid-aged woman opened the door, together with her mom on the side. I explained that I called but could not reach them, the woman do not seems very pleased. She said I should left her a voice message as her mom do not answer the phone. (Of course I did not know this fact.) She did not say thank you when we left.

On the way to the church, I asked the lady wether her daughter works, her answer is NO. She told me her daughter has 2 children so she is all busy with cleaning and child care stuff. I asked how old the childrens are, the answers is one of them is teenager and another one in elementary school. Immediately I do not feel so right. What the heck am I doing? Am I the Jesus Christ or sth? I have two younger children of my own, and I give up my job because of them. Now I am rushing this morning to drive someone else's mom to a not so close-by city, with her own daughter nicely make up and dressed staying at home enjoying herself?!!

Is that American value should be? Or those people are taking advantage of other person's kindness??

I was told that the old lady has some memory issue so basically I can ignore whatever she says. But after I arrived, she told me to park somewhere with not that friendly tone. When I parked my car, walked to her side, waited for her and tried to offer her some assistance. She asked without looking at me: "am I supposed to give you money or what?"
 
The last sentence she said  is Bye Bye, she did not look at me. I was left alone standing, should I smile or cry, I do not know.

The local senior center spent lots of effort to make the life of elderly people easier. There are a group of volunteer drivers who donate their priceless time and love providing the warmth and conveniency for people in need. I am not blaming the old people, only their families. If their parents live with them, it should be their responsbilities to provide whatever they can to help. They should not put burden on other people. They should not abuse our compassion.

That is also part the reason I never got totally fused into the western cultures. I am always a foreigner on something like that, but I feel proud.

(P.S. I spoke with the coordinator of the senior center. The coordinator called this lady and she agreed to drive her mom to the class in the future. My voice got heard!)