从旅途萍水相逢到23年的友情

James(Jim)是我和家人23年前在丹麦旅游时萍水相逢的一位美国游客。相识的过程平淡无奇，但是，发展成为23年的友情则是恩典与缘分。我们从23年前旅途中萍水相逢的陌生人到23年来实际生活中的至诚好友，应验了“人生何处不相逢”与“相逢何必曾相识”。

与Jim在丹麦认识时，先生和我还是在英国留学的学生。毕业后，我们双双到美国东岸工作。Jim经常打电话给我们，帮助我们了解和适应美国的文化和生活。他和他的家人还专程从St. Louis到东岸来看望我们；我们全家也去St. Louis探访他和他的家人。

Jim指导我的先生和我有关基本的家庭经济计划，从不同的保险、教育资金储蓄、到退休资金积累。。。他也指导我们有关股票市场投资基本常识，使我们少走弯路。 根据他在一个能源公司多年担任大律师（General Counsel）的经验，他帮助我的先生了解美国公司文化以及提供一些职业发展方面的建议。Jim对我所从事的科研也很感兴趣。就像中国祖父母们隔代娇宠孙子辈一样，Jim特别喜欢我的女儿小企鹅。每年小企鹅的生日和圣诞节，Jim都会以“St. Louis Grandpa”的身份给小企鹅寄礼物，这么多年来从未间断。在我们与他相识的这23年，Jim见证了我的先生和我从学生到完成学业，从工作起步到逐渐成熟，从青年走到中年；见证了我们女儿小企鹅从幼年到大学生、研究生，从少儿到职场青年的成长过程；他也见证了我们一家从临时居民、永久居民、到公民的移民之路。

随着我们在美国生活的稳定和对美国生活有更多的了解，随着Jim年龄的老化，他已经不再能给我们提出实质性的指导了。但是，我的先生和我永远不会忘记他曾经对我们的帮助。如果说我们与Jim相识的前10年主要是他给予我们关心和指导，那么最近这13年则主要是我们给予他关爱。在这23年中，我们见证了Jim从64岁周游列国的旅游爱好者到87岁很少出门旅游的垂暮老人；见证了他失去4位同辈亲人；见证了他体力的衰老。这期间，我们不止一次去探访过他。

自从今年9月中旬Jim的左腿有疼痛，住院2次检查也没查出所以然后，他的健康状况就一直不理想，但还没严重到有生命危险。与Jim和他的家人约定,我们下个月底去St. Louis看望Jim。料想不到的是Jim的身体状况在一周多前突然恶化，我们就将行程改到了下个周末。在这整个过程中，与他同城而居的一位亲人随时将Jim的状况用电子邮件通告分散在美国各地的其他家人，其中却也包括了我和我的先生。因此，当在这个星期二晚上得知Jim出现急性肾功能衰竭时，我星期三早晨立即上网订购了多打不同颜色（红、黄、白、粉红）的玫瑰花等鲜花送给Jim，因为我们知道他喜欢色彩斑斓的鲜花。Jim在星期三下午收到了我们送的鲜花，非常喜欢；他的亲人也给他阅读了我们写给他的话，他微笑了。Jim于星期四（12-12-2013）早晨安宁离世回天家。

(1) 我们写给Jim家人的Condolence信 (12-12-2013)

Dear D,
Words cannot express our sadness and sorrow about the loss of Jim. I have cried multiple times since I heard this dreadful news from your brother S this afternoon. My family has had the privilege to know Jim over past 23 years. He was one of our dearest American friends who guided us in various aspects of our immigrant life in this country. Jim was very interested at my husband M's and my career developments. He was amazed by and took proud of our daughter H's achievements. To M and me, Jim is our very close friend. To H, Jim is her affectionate "St. Louis Grandpa".

Hope Jim saw the flowers that we sent to him yesterday. Do please keep us update about his funeral. Thank you so much for your kindness and all your time to keep us informed during the last stage of Jim's life. He was blessed to have such loving nephew like you.

Please accept our most heartfelt sympathies for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. May the peace that comes from the memories of love shared comfort you now and in the days ahead.

Prayers,

LY and M


(2) Jim家人的回信 (12-12-2013)

Dear LY and M,

Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful e-mail.

I can tell you that Jim spoke of you and your family often, and cherished your friendship greatly, probably more than he was ever able to express in words to you. He absolutely did see the flowers on Wednesday, which were beautiful. He enjoyed and appreciated them. I read the card that came with the flowers to him, and he smiled.

I was the last family member to see him on Wednesday evening, he was at peace. He did not suffer as he passed on Thursday morning. Jim will be buried on Monday afternoon, with military honors as a US Navy veteran, at XXXX National Cemetery. The memorial Mass and gathering will not be for at least one month, as we are trying to give everyone who would like to come from out of town every opportunity to attend. I will certainly keep you informed as we start to consider dates for this.

From myself, and Jim's entire family, thank you for your support to him (and me), and for bringing so much friendship and happiness to our uncle. We will definitely miss him, but we will, as you said, have our memories!

Warm Regards,

D




音乐《再回首》


我们与Jim的相识与他在哥本哈根为我和这尊“小美人鱼”铜像拍的照片有关。


23年前，Jim给我们寄来我与“小美人鱼”铜像合影照片的同时,也给我们寄来这本介绍St. Louis城市的画册。


我们第一次探访Jim和他家人时拍摄的圣路易斯市的主要标志--耸立于密西西比河畔的高达192米的不锈钢拱门（Gateway Arch)。


在一次探访Jim时，为了迎接我们的到来， 他在花店订了一瓶鲜花放在我们使用的客房里。


这是小企鹅13岁时为“St. Louis Grandpa”画的一幅画。Jim将之挂在家庭活动室（Family Room)的墙上。


Jim家中有一个柜子，专门展示这些年来我和全家在不同国家旅游回来后寄给他的一部分纪念品。（我家也有他出国旅游回来后寄给我们的不同国家纪念品）。


我和家人每年回国探亲回来后寄给Jim的一部分纪念品被分散在不同的书柜中。


Jim特别喜欢小企鹅。每年小企鹅的生日和圣诞节，Jim都会以“St. Louis Grandpa”的身份给小企鹅寄礼物。Jim最喜欢的是小企鹅回赠给他的一个瓷盘和一个瓷杯（小企鹅儿时的手工制作品）。他将小企鹅的二样礼物与他家人照片和他在法律工作中取得的成就纪念品一起珍放在他的书桌的柜子中。


谨以此文纪念Jim。Jim,我们全家都会非常想念你！