What else would you call someone who got up at 4:00am on a
Saturday morning and revised his program twice to make it
more robust and flexible after he did it 4 times the
previous day?
The environment can change a man's focus. My new workplace
is far from ideal. My boss is bossy and desperate and seems
insecure. (Well. He's new to his job, too.) My colleagues
are typical software engineers stuck in a hole that they
helped digging themselves. A couple of them take things more
seriously and have bigger egos. Within less than two months,
after meeting a few deadlines, I stirred up some unrealistic hopes
from management.
Amid all these, I had to say mostly I enjoyed my work.
Vanity may fade but never completely dies, I guess. But
there might be more to it as I did find improving my
understanding of code and coding, i.e., the aha! moments
when data transform to knowledge, felt like being lifted up,
if only for brief periods. Mastering a craft translates to
job/financial security and ultimately survival. I thought I
had got over that basic psychological need. Apparently not.
But work hasn't led to the kind of happiness I experienced
when running. The latter is re-creating and makes one sing
Hallelujah; the former taxing and reminds me of "a deliverance
that doesn't deliver."
Have I been healthier? No. My right shoulder has been
improving but not that fast. An old Chinese saying says that
it takes 100 days for the kind of injury. It prevents me from
exertion. Meanwhile, hard work has been addictive and is
taking its toll. One cup of coffee used to keep me alert all
day before this gig. Nowadays, I still feel asleep after
drinking three.
I need to come back to the things that connect one to life,
like an astronaut to the space station. I need to keep in
mind that everyone gets an ordinary life and that's good
enough. I have gathered the ingredients. Let's make a new
batch of kimchi today.
