ZT
My Self- Isolation Quarantine Diary:
Day 1 – I Can Do This! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might
not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235
seeds. Who knew?
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night
Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as
Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t
decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have
to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no
clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all
dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems
nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the
hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something
moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked
at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t
accidently touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead
the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395
times this month?”
The New Facts of Life:
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as
amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking
problem.
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of
Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
I need to practice social- distancing from the refrigerator.
PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make
sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the
kingdom.
Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting
and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the
clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was
obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my
house, told my dog. we laughed a lot.
After this quarantine, will the producers of My 600 Pound
Life just find me or do I find them?
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately
that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called
in a bomb threat
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto
Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't
have the same teacher next year".... I’m offended.
Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.
