Anger vs. Drama
David Richo, in his book, How to Be an Adult, does a beautiful job of describing the difference between drama and real anger.
最主要的区别是对自己的feeling 负责。这是自尊自爱。当我们学会对自己负责, 才能改变生活。否则只是feeling 的奴隶。feeling 又是环境他人造成的。即使暂时解决, 却难以也做自己的主。
| Drama | True Anger |
| Scares the hearer | Informs the hearer and creates attention in the hearer |
| Is meant to silence the other | Is meant to communicate with the other |
| Masks the dashed expectation or fear of not being in control with a false sense of control | Contains sadness or disappointment and these are acknowledged |
| Blames the other for what one feels | Takes responsibility for the feeling as one's own |
| Is a strategy that masks a demand that the other change | Asks for change but allows the other to change or not |
| Is violent, aggressive, out of control, derisive, punitive | Is nonviolent, always in control and within safe limits |
| Represses the true feeling | Expresses an assertive response |
| Occludes other feelings | Coexists with other feelings |
| Creates stress because one's bruised, scared ego is impotently enraged | Releases the aliveness in one's true self |
| Is held on to and endures as resentment | Is brief and then let go of with a sense of closure |
| Insists the other see how justified one is | Needs no response |
| Drama is a belligerent reaction to rejection that punishes by further distancing | Anger is an intimate response to rejection that bridges the distance or allows it without long-held resentment |
| Drama is based on indignation that one was not treated with the love and loyalty one unconsciously believe one is entitled to | Anger is based on displeasure at what happened but with consciousness that this feeling is based on a subjective interpretation |
