拜年了！- 梦回故乡
— 2024年春节于美国大烟山
今天是2024年的除夕，我提着两个小小的纸灯笼到湖边走了走，拍了几张照片，夕阳照在安静的湖面，山水相逢之处蜿蜒无尽的万家灯火，山脉起伏云雾缭绕，和我的家乡竟然有些相似。
但这里没有春节的热闹，没有大红灯笼，没有鞭炮齐鸣，没有杀猪宰羊，没有涉水千里舟车劳顿必须赶回吃的大年夜饭，没有家家户户的小姑娘儿穿着新衣新裤新鞋子，头上扎着红色锻面蝴蝶结，喜气洋洋地踢毽子，跳房子，跳橡皮筋。
那是我的故乡回忆，我离开已经40多年了。
我的家乡在山清水秀的湖南西部，离沈从文的宅子不太远。我的父系祖先据说是浙江过来的，爷爷的父亲当年是位有名的乡绅，日本人来之后他为了保护村民，不得不和日本人合作，这段历史一直跟着我的父亲，对我父亲的仕途和人生追求有很多影响，但我的父亲从来没有抱怨过，他只提过唯一的一次，说祖爷爷很聪明，很能干，对乡亲们很好。
祖爷爷有三个儿子，我的大爷爷，亲爷爷，三爷爷，他们在村里面最好的地方，建有一长条房子，前院从西到东有100米多长(注：中国的乡村房子，没有现代基础设施）。
我的亲爷爷住在西边最大的一幢房子里面，记忆中有并排5间房，里面隔开有10个房间，房子前面是很长的街沿（porch)，后院是菜园和果园，夏天的时候我去祖父家喜欢钻黄瓜篷摘新鲜的黄瓜，菜园边缘栽有桃树，李树，枣树，石榴树，花开的时候非常漂亮，浅粉色的桃花映着蓝天，HOT PINK的石榴花娇艳欲滴，白色李花一见忘俗。我长大后，经常会做一个梦，梦里自己还是一个小姑娘，穿着妈妈做的粉色的夹袄，站在桃花李花树下的小溪畔，阳光照得花和水透亮，小姑娘白里透红的笑脸也透亮。
粉红夹袄的小姑娘在爷奶家很受钟爱，几乎每天都会给她蒸鸡蛋羹，时不时还给她做汤圆吃，有酒糟汤圆（奶奶姑姑自己做的甜酒煮汤圆），还有肉汤圆（肉馅调的过程和饺子差不多），肉汤圆个头很大的，煮熟像个小猪，一个就能吃饱。还有桃子李子各种蔬果。三叔和小叔叔很会抓鱼，经常也有鱼吃。日子过的不错，但我还是会经常想念爸爸妈妈，特别是傍晚的时候尤其想，想得心里痛眼睛痛。这种感觉现在偶尔也会出现，我在地球这一边，想念故乡故人的时候，心也会痛眼睛也会痛。
我的父亲是大学毕业生（当地人管他叫太学生—比大学生还要好一点），母亲也上过师范院校，都是国家干部，知识分子，住在城里，小城是历史悠久的通商口岸，当地的大码头，东来西往的船只集聚在这里打栈，通往大码头的街道是两条宽阔的斜街，快到渡口的时候合二为一，沿着石板铺成的台阶，下到渡口，小时候觉得台阶很宽，很多，很陡。
城里居民只有2-3万，干净的青石板小街和河边一排排的吊脚楼。春天的梅雨季节，大人出门鞋子外面套着木屐，撑着红色的油纸伞，青石板的街道上塔塔的木屐声音，和着滴滴答答的雨声，难忘。一条大河把小城和绵延的青山隔开，有长长的宽宽的河滩，机帆船突突声声不绝，对岸山里有时候深夜也能看到簇簇灯火，据说是用数字命名的工厂。每天早晨各地的人来赶早市，各种自家种的水果，蔬菜，白兰花，各种手工制品（大人穿的绣花鞋垫，小孩子戴的绣花的珠珠帽子，小孩子的绣有各种动物图案的鞋子，小孩子的银项圈，银脚铃铛），放在箩筐里摆在街边，还有甜酒汤圆，糯米粑粑，米粉，米豆腐，米糕，各种早餐供应。
沿河的街道上很多小小的商铺，傍晚来临的时候最是容易见到令人惊艳的正值韶华的女孩子，肤色吹弹可破，眼睛似星星闪亮，拖着长长的辫子，身姿苗条婀娜，穿戴朴素大方。
感恩我故乡的诗意，对我美育的启蒙。我一直以来衣着坚持几种固定风格，其中一种就是致敬故乡，休闲的粉白，蓝白色的花衣裳，穿着就有回到故乡青石板街上跳橡皮筋的快乐。
小城东西向的街道除了沿河的大街，中央有一条大道，很宽，有路灯，晚饭后“压马路”（俊男美女散步）一般都去这里，国营的百货店，饭店, 医院，电影院，高中学校，等都在这条街上。据说这条街解放前属于D家的，这家人很多都去了台湾美国，留在城里的只有二房的妻子，老太太一个人带着4个子女，2儿2女。后来我碰到了这家人，因为他们家的长女成我了我继母。我的继母D会计，很斯文，卷卷的短发衬着小小的圆脸，白白的，瘦瘦的，说话柔柔的很轻声，喜欢看书，爱美，我家里一直订了“大众电影”这个杂志，也是她喜欢。我第一次见她是她去我就读的高中看我，送了我一双连裤的透明尼龙袜，当年是稀罕物儿。我一直等到上大学才穿，记得上大学之前打包，我把这双袜子拿出来说：妈妈，你说大汉口的人更时髦漂亮吗？她定定地看着我说：妹姐，漂亮人走到哪里都是漂亮人！很感谢她和我的惺惺相惜。
也有小时候城里涨水的记忆，有一年涨了大水，街道上都是小舢板，我和妹妹，还有表伯家的玲玲躲在阁楼上，似乎并不害怕，吃着很多零食，还唱歌，最后是大人来把我们抱下去到街上的小舢板船上，街道上那天都是小船，我们小孩子不懂，还觉得好玩。
后来修了很高的防洪大堤，沿河的吊脚楼就都拆了，渡口也不复原样。
小城在历史上举办的龙舟赛很有名，当地还有各种歌谣吟唱龙舟节的盛况，但我出生的年代已经没有龙舟赛了，所以我小时候没有见过。
最热闹的当然是过春节。
街上熙熙攘攘的人群，方圆几十里的人都会来城里办年货，逛百货店，看电影，我们的电影院很气派，地基很高，要上好多台阶才可以到买票口，门口一排电影海报，都是文化馆的聂先生所画。逛街的人都穿的很整齐，街上的米粉店，汤圆店，饭店，都可以看到扎着蝴蝶结的乡下来的小姑娘们，她们往往拉着爸爸妈妈的手，羞怯地看着我们这些她们心中的城里人，有的乡下小姑娘长得很好看，典型的南方小姑娘的秀气圆圆小脸，漆黑的眼眸，一笑还有酒窝。
大年夜一般回乡下的爷爷家里过，爷爷有4个儿子，一个女儿，一大家子守岁，吃年夜饭，家里有一个烤火的大火坑，大家围坐聊天，比赛写春联显身手，看谁的字好看，春节也最是父亲几个兄弟比赛下象棋的好时光。大年夜肯定要守岁的，一直守到大年初一的黎明，天刚蒙蒙亮就把睡觉的孩子们从被窝里面抓起来，穿上棉袄棉裤，到外面放鞭炮，拜天地，然后回屋给长辈拜年，发压岁钱。
当地的习俗，初一不出门，初二拜丈人。大年初二，路上到处都是年轻的夫妻带着小孩子，挎着竹篮子，里面是点心，鸡蛋，红糖等礼物，他们是去看妻子的父母，拜年。
过年每天都是大鱼大肉，各种点心，各种玩乐，欢声笑语，那样幸福团圆欢乐的气氛空气中都闻得到。
当然也有遗憾的事情。我的遗憾就是：过年之前兴奋地盼啊，盼啊，但一到过年，什么好吃的我也吃不下，妈妈说我是“年饱”，看着大鱼大肉，没吃就饱了，为什么会“年饱”？ 小时候的我真是百思不得其解。
现在的我，即便不是过年，看到大鱼大肉，和丰盛的食物，也吃不下，看看就已经饱了。
应该是人老了，或者我，要老了。
少小离家，老大不归，“买花载酒长安市，又争似、家山见桃李。不枉东风吹客泪。相思难表，梦魂无据，惟有归来是”。
故乡，春节，故乡的春节，终究定格，留在我反复的梦境里。在梦里，我回到故乡，依旧是当年穿粉红夹袄的小姑娘儿，穿过青石板街，来到渡口，跑啊，跳啊，心被幸福膨胀到飞起来。
我的故乡，我少时的朋友，挚爱的家人，2024年了，在这里给你们拜年！
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Today is The Eve of lunar dragon year 2024. I carried two small paper lanterns and walked to the lakeside and took a few photos. The setting sun shone on the quiet lake, and the shimmering lights of hundreds houses were meandering where the mountain and river met. The rolling mountains, the undulating clouds and mist are somewhat similar to my hometown.
But there is no bustle of the Spring Festival here, no red lanterns; no firecrackers; no pigs and sheep; no New Year’s Eve dinner that people rushed back to, after wading thousands of miles; no little girls from every household wearing new cotton jacket, new pants and new shoes with red forged bow on her hair, happily playing shuttlecock, hopscotch, and rubber band dancing.
Those are memories of my hometown. It has been more than 40 years since I left.
My hometown is in the beautiful western part of Hunan, not too far from Shen Congwen's house. My paternal ancestors are said to have come from Zhejiang. My great grandfather was a famous country squire. After the Japanese came, he had to cooperate with the Japanese in order to protect the villagers. This period of history has always followed my father and has had an important impact on my father’s official career. It also has many influences on life pursuits, but my father never complained. He mentioned only once that my great grandfather was very smart, very capable, and good to the folks.
My great grandfather had three sons: my great uncle#1, my biological grandfather, and my great uncle #3. They built three house adjacent to each other at the best part of the village. The front yard was more than 100 meters long from west to east (Chinese farm houses, no modern amenities).
My biological grandfather lived in the largest house at the west side. In my memory, there were 5 rooms side by side, with 10 rooms separated inside. There was a long porch in front of the house, and a vegetable garden and an orchard in the backyard. In the summer, I would visit grandfather’s garden and like to pick fresh cucumbers under the cucumber canopy. There were peach trees, plum trees, jujube trees, and pomegranate trees planted on the edge of the GARDEN. They were very beautiful when bloom. The light pink peach blossoms reflected the blue sky. The pomegranate flowers of HOT PINK were so delicate, and the white plum blossom pure and dainty. I often had a dream after I grew up. In my dream, I was still a little girl, wearing a pink cotton jacket made by my mother, standing by the creek under the peach and plum trees. The sunshine made the flowers and water translucent, and the little girl’s pink cheek and face are also bright and shining.
The little girl was very much loved by her grandparents and uncle and untie. She was served with steams egg custard almost every day, and grandma made her glutinous rice balls from time to time, including glutinous rice balls with distiller’s grains (glutinous rice balls cooked with sweet wine made by grandma and aunt herself), and glutinous rice balls with meat. (The process of preparing the meat filling is similar to that of dumplings). The meat Tangyuan were big and looked like a little pig after cooked. One would make me full. There were also peaches, plums, and various fruits and vegetables. The third uncle and the youngest uncle were good at catching fish, and we often had fish on table. Life was going well, but I still remember how I missed my parents, especially in the evening. Thinking about them made my heart hurt and my eyes hurt. This feeling still occurs occasionally now. I am on the other side of the world, and when I miss my hometown and my friends, my heart and my eyes hurt.
My father was a college graduate (the locals call him a Taisheng - a bit better than a college student), and my mother also went to a normal college. They were both state cadres and intellectuals. They lived in the city, a port town with a long history of trade. The port is the local large wharf. Ships from east and west gather here to dock. The streets leading to the big wharf are two wide diagonal streets. They merge into one when approaching the ferry. Follow the steps paved with stone slabs. Walking down to the ferry when I was a child, I felt that the steps were very wide, many, and steep.
There are only 20,000 to 30,000 residents in the port city, with cobblestone streets and rows of stilted buildings by the river. During the spring rainy season, adults wear wood and leather clogs outside their shoes and hold red oil-paper umbrellas when they go out. The sound of clogs on the cobblestone streets, combined with the sound of dripping rain, is unforgettable. The wide river separates the port town from the rolling green mountains. There is a long and wide river beach, and the sound of motor cargo boats is heard constantly. Sometimes in the mountains on the other side, clusters of lights can be seen late at night. It is said that they are factories named with numbers. Every morning, people from all over the villages come to the morning farmer’s market. All kinds of home-grown fruits, vegetables, and white orchids are placed in baskets along the street. There are also sweet wine glutinous rice balls, glutinous rice cakes, rice noodles, rice tofu, rice cakes, etc. A variety of breakfasts are served.
There are many small shops on the streets along the river. In the evening, it is easiest to see striking gorgeous girls in their prime, with flawless complexions, eyes shining like stars, and long braids. They had slim and graceful figure and were dressed simply.
I am grateful for the poetic hometown which enlightened my aesthetic education. I have several fixed styles of clothing, one of which is to pay tribute to my hometown, casual pink and white and blue and white print clothes. When wearing them, I feel like I am back to the cobblestone street dancing with rubber bands.
In addition to the east-west streets along the river, there is a broad avenue in the city, which is wide with street lights. After dinner, “showing on the road” (handsome men and beautiful women taking a walk) usually go here, state-owned department stores, restaurants, hospitals, movie theaters, and high schools. , etc. are all on this street. It is said that this street belonged to the D family before liberation. Many of this family went to Taiwan and the United States. The only one who stayed in the city was the second son’s family. Everyone was gone but the second son’s wife with four children, two sons and two daughters. Later I met this family because their eldest daughter became my stepmother. My stepmother D was an accountant. She had natural short curly hair that framed a small round pale face. She speaks softly. She liked reading and making things pretty. She subscribed the magazine of “popular movies” and we had piles of this magazine in our home. The first time I met her was when she went to visit me in my high school and gave me a pair of transparent nylon pantyhose, which were a rarity back then. I waited until I went to college to wear it. I remember packing before I went to college. I took out this pantyhose and said, Mom, do you think people in Hankou are more fashionable and beautiful? She said firmly: Sister, let me tell you, beautiful people are beautiful wherever they go! She looked at me with an unmistakable look in her eyes, and I was very grateful for her kindness to me.
I also have memories of floods in the city when I was a child. One year there was a huge flood, and the streets were filled with small sampans. My sister, my cousin Lingling and myself hid in the attic. We didn’t seem to be afraid and ate a lot of snacks. We also sang, and finally the adults came to carry us down to the small sampan boats on the street. The streets were full of boats that day. We children didn't understand, but we still found it fun and very exited.
Later, a very high flood control embankment levy was built, all the stilted buildings along the river were demolished, and the ferry was no longer what it was before.
The “dragon boat race” held in this port town was very famous in history. There are also various local songs singing the grand occasion of the dragon boat festival. However, there was no dragon boat race in the era when I was born, so I never saw it when I was a child.
The most lively time is of course the Spring Festival.
The streets are bustling with people. People from a radius of 10s of miles come to the city to do New Year shopping, visit department stores, and watch movies. Our movie theater is very grand and has a high foundation. You have to go up many steps to get to the ticket booth. There is a row of movie posters on the wall. The posters were all painted by Mr. Ye from the Cultural Center. People shopping are all neatly dressed. In the rice noodle shops, glutinous rice dumpling shops, and restaurants on the street, you can see little girls from the country wearing bows. They often hold the hands of their parents and look at us shyly. Some country girls are very good-looking, with a typical southern girl’s delicate, round face, dark eyes, and dimples when she smiles.
We usually spend New Year's Eve at my grandfather's house in the countryside. My grandfather has four sons and one daughter. The whole family stays up late and eats New Year's Eve dinner. There is a big fire pit at home. Everyone sits around and chats. They compete in writing Spring Festival couplets to show off their calligraphy skills. Whose calligraphy looks better? The Spring Festival is also a good time for my father and his brothers to compete and play chess. On New Year's Eve, we must stay awake until the dawn of the first day of the Lunar New Year. At dawn, Adults grab the sleeping children from under the quilt, put on their cotton jackets and trousers, go outside to set off firecrackers, worship heaven and earth, and then go back to the house to Elders pay New Year greetings and give out lucky money.
It is a local custom not to go out on the first day of the Lunar New Year, but to pay homage to your father-in-law on the second day of the Lunar New Year. On the second day of the Lunar New Year, the roads were full of young couples with their children, carrying bamboo baskets containing snacks, eggs, brown sugar and other gifts. They were visiting their wives’ parents to pay New Year greetings.
Every day during the Chinese New Year there is big fish and meat, all kinds of snacks, all kinds of fun, and laughter. The atmosphere of happiness, reunion, and joy can be smelled in the air.
Of course there are regrets. My regret is: I look forward to and look forward to it with excitement before the New Year, but when the New Year comes, I can’t eat anything delicious. My mother says that I am “full for the New Year”. I feel full even if I look at the big fish and meat without eating. Why is it "full every year"? As a child, I was really puzzled.
Now, even if it's not the Chinese New Year, I can't eat it when I see big fish, big meat, and sumptuous food. I feel full just by looking at it.
It should be that people are getting old, or I am getting old.
When I was young, I left home. Now I am growing older, is there a road hometown to make my life a circle? I am afraid the answer is no, I have been like a bird who lost her feet so the only way is to keep flying.
My hometown, the Spring Festival, the Spring Festival in my hometown have finally been fixed in my recurring dreams.
My hometown, my childhood friends, and my beloved family, it’s 2024, and I’m here to wish you a happy New Year!
