Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts."

They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who endured the torment of staying
calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th.
Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Guccisweats and Reeboks.

Q: This my asthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A:Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-fiveyears.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up thatmorning?
A: He said,"Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My nameis Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We bothdo.
Q: Voodoo?A: We do.
Q: You do?A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn'tknow about it until the next morning?
A: Did youactually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys? A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was thisa male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which Isent to your attorney?
A: No, thisis how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr.Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No.

Q: So, thenit is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No.
Q: How canyou be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, itis possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

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