自言自语(5)

My mom tends to feel sorry for me after she learns in her own way what a typical American life is.

She would lament about the days I worked so hard on my degrees and the positions I used to hold back at home. She, in this regard, along with my dad, would say, oh, if you were still in China, you would be this and that and doing this and that. To exacerbate the situation, some of my old pals back at home would say to my parents when they return from their visits, if your daughter did not go abroad, she would be doing this and that, traveling here and there, living a this-and-that life.

So with all those thises and thats, my parents often would temporarily project me in those iffy situations. And I would grow so temptuous because of the possible influences they would have upon me. Yes, what if I have housemaids to take care of things? I would miss all the fun and challenges to work with my kids in the house. What if I had this and that? Did anyone ever know how despairing I was back in China admired outwardly by others? Did anyone know how hard it was trying to advance a status but could not even have the hope of living? The sense of loss and emptiness resulted from material accomplishments are still prevalent and felt by many around the campuses in China. Don’t’ they care about my inner content?

Life in US with kids does pose hardships for us immigrants. Raising a family, nourishing a relationship, maintaining a job, building a meaningful life-- it all requires time, energy and efforts. But knowing God makes all the difference! Life becomes purposeful and significant. The sense of emptiness is gone. It is a feeling of hope, of love, of joy and peace.
 
I am happy here. Life is predicable and on a pleasant routine with surprises around all corners. There is no web of complicated Guan-xi to deal with. Life seems to be much simplified and dignified here. I am closer to reality than I would be in China. Of course, with what I now know of, I would live anywhere and still be content. The inner peace is the key.

Then it dawned upon me, the nagging laments of my parents are simply their way to love me. When they say so and so have such an easy and good life without even having much education, they do not condemn schooling or education, they simply want their child to have an easier and better life. Having no housework or errands to care for are just the external manifestations of such life in their eyes.

How could I ever doubt their nagging talks? How could I shut my listening ears towards their demonstration of love for me? Wouldn't I feel the same way towards my children?

C’est la vie! Life goes on just as such and it is beautiful and splendid as is!