文章转载自yeeyan.org
Posted by Futureglory
如何做到死而无憾
在最近一集《欧普拉生活课堂》中听到一句话“你要为自己的人生负责。”简单的陈述背后是真相和大智慧。我们当中大部分人或许嘴上都同意：该对自己的人生负责。可是，仔细审查，就会发现，很少有人真的对自己的生活方式负起责任。我们本意很好——想要活得更健康，更幸福——可是，很少有人付诸行动。
元月份，我们通常会制定新年计划：“我要减轻体重10磅，”“我要戒烟，”“我要吃得更健康，”“我要去健身房。”可是，要不了2星期，我们就会回到老路上来。原因何在？容易啊！一行禅师说得很好：“人们很难放手让痛苦离去。源于对不确定性的恐惧，人们宁愿守着熟悉的痛苦不放。”
很多情况下，我们一如既往过着一成不变的日子，是因为旧的生活模式太熟悉了，因为我们害怕改变。我们不断地把人生目标推迟到“明天”。等再多赚一点钱，等孩子们长大后离开家，或者，“等我有时间再来做吧。” 这是邪恶的陷阱，导致人生苦不堪言。我确信，这种思维模式会让你带着无尽的遗憾进入坟墓。你会后悔没有坚持自己的梦想；后悔总是先人后己，满足别人的愿望。
正如维恩·戴尔所言：“千万别等到死亡来临，心中的音乐依然没有唱响。”
最近，一篇由临终关怀护士写的文章披露了她病人临终前表达的5大憾事。
1.真希望自己有勇气过自己想要的生活，而不是别人所期望的那样。
2.要是工作不那么卖命就好了。
3.要是有勇气表达内心的想法就好了。
4.要是一直跟朋友保持联系该有多好啊。
5.要是让自己更幸福该有多好啊。
这些话很耳熟吧？
我敢打赌，很多人心脏病突发，在最后时刻来临时会想：“要是早听医生的话去健身房那该多好啊。”或者“每天早上花点时间为自己做份健康早餐是值得的。”
今天我要问：你的人生值么？你的幸福值么？你的健康呢？
如果答案是肯定的，那么，你得开始为人生负起责任来了。别再为现状怨天尤人了。别再找理由说什么自己破产了，分文没有，没法照顾自己。你的人生值得你花钱去买张健身卡，或者去预约理疗师。我过去服用抗抑郁症药时，花钱治疗，请物理理疗师理疗，上瑜伽课，还购买各种健康服务，以致于债台高筑。可是，你知道么？债务让我不再依赖抗抑郁症药；让我更幸福，更自信。因为自信，我获得了一份好工作，最终还清了信用卡债务。
别再找借口，开始认真地生活吧，这是你欠自己的。
艾尔伯特·艾里斯曾经说过：
“你人生中最好的年华就是，当你决定自己的问题是自己的，当你不再埋怨妈妈、生态、或者总统；当你意识到，命运掌握在自己手中。”
在《欧普拉生活课堂》里，她跟我们分享道：我们对带进房间的能量负责。开始关注你的能量如何影响身边人的吧。有没有什么人际关系让你被受责备呢？扪心自问：你自己是否有责任？
即便饱受病魔的摧残，或者遭遇人生变故——你还是得为自己的想法和反应负责。对人生中的任何事都善于利用——就连悲剧也要好好开发。
你把什么事推迟到“明天”？是从现在开始为30年后的退休生活分分钱必攒，而放弃欧洲梦幻之旅？还是因为当前经济不景气，就劝自己随遇而安，将就打一份工？或者确信自己年纪不小了，找不到灵魂伴侣而随便开始一段感情呢？
得了吧。赶紧停下来！就现在！
行动起来，为自己的人生负起责任吧！别人才不管你呢。当你离开地球时，是愿意带着无尽的遗憾呢？还是内心的宁静？
由你选定！
谢莉尔·理查森言之有理：
“你不是你父母，不是历史，不是文化影响。你是独一无二的。要勇敢，无惧，挑战传统。乐意用自己的声音为灵魂说话。继续下去。用力摇晃，你激起的浪花或许能改变世界······”
How To Die Without Regrets
There is immense truth and wisdom behind a simple statement that I came across in a recent episode of Oprah's Lifeclass: "You are responsible for your life." On the surface, most of us would probably agree that we're responsible for our lives. But when you take a closer look, it becomes obvious that very few of us are actually taking responsibility for the way that we live. We have good intentions - we want to live healthier, happier lives - but these intentions rarely manifest.
In January we typically set resolutions: "I'm going to lose 10 pounds," "I'm going to quit smoking," "I'm going to eat healthier," "I'm going to go to the gym." And then around 2 weeks later we find ourselves stuck in our old routines. Why? Because it's easier. Thich Nhat Hanh put it perfectly when he said, "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar."
In many cases we stay stuck in our old patterns because they are familiar to us and because we're afraid of change. We continually put our goals off until "tomorrow." Until we make more money or the kids leave home or the ever-popular "I'll get to it when I have more time." This is a vicious trap that leads to a deeply unsatisfying life. I promise that this line of thinking will send you to your grave with immense regrets. Regret that you didn't follow your dream. Regret that you always put everyone else's needs before your own.
As Wayne Dyer says, "Don't die with your music still in you."
A recent article by a palliative care nurse revealed the top five regrets that her patients expressed before they died:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I didn’t work so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Do any of these sound familiar?
I bet that in their final moments, many people who have died of a heart attack thought to themselves, "I wish I'd taken my doctor seriously and gone to the gym" or "It really would have been worth the extra time to make myself a healthy breakfast every morning."
Today I'm asking you this: Is your life worth it? Is your happiness worth it? Is your well-being worth it?
If the answer is yes, then you need to start taking responsibility for your life. Stop blaming other people for your current situation. Stop saying that you can't take care of yourself because you're broke. Your life is worth the cost of a gym membership or a therapy session or a naturopath appointment. When I was on antidepressants, I went into debt by spending money on therapy, naturopathy, yoga classes and a host of other wellness services. But guess what? That debt got me off antidepressants. It also made me a happier and more confident person, which helped me land a great job and eventually pay off my credit card.
You owe it to yourself to stop making excuses and start living life like you mean it.
Albert Ellis once said:
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
In her Lifeclass, Oprah shared that we are also responsible for the energy that we bring into a room. Start paying attention to how your energy is affecting those around you. Is there a specific relationship that's ticking you off? Get honest with yourself about how you might be contributing to the situation.
Even if you're suffering from a serious health condition or are recovering from a traumatic event - you are responsible for how you perceive and react to these situations. It's up to you to make the best of everything that you encounter in life - even tragedy.
What are you putting off until "tomorrow?" Are you pinching pennies to save for your retirement 30 years from now, instead of taking your dream trip to Europe? Are you convincing yourself that it's ok to stay at a substandard job because the economy is bad right now? Are you settling for an unsatisfying relationship because you've convinced yourself that you're too old to find your soulmate?
Stop it. Right now.
Get up off your butt and take responsibility for your life. No one else is going to do it for you. When you leave this earth, would you rather feel immense regret or a deep sense of inner peace?
It's your choice.
Cheryl Richardson put it perfectly:
"You are not your mother, your father, your history, or your cultural influences. You are uniquely and originally you. Be bold and daring and fearless and unconventional. Be willing to use your voice in service to your soul. Go on. Rock that damn boat. The wave you create might just change the world..."
