作者：Gardiner Spring(1785—1873) 来源：古旧福音
I.
1. 顺服权柄
神的话语一次又一次呼召要求我们顺服权柄。如果有一个地方，在其中这呼召是特别实在肯定的，那么这个地方就是家庭。培养这种顺服习惯的家庭是幸福的家庭。
神把孩子的童年和青年期交给父母控制。如果倒转了这种充满智慧和仁爱的安排，我们孩子在现今和永世里的最大利益就必然要受到破坏。这种安排可以保守一个孩子免于上千种的邪恶。
思想父母期望的灵－很犹豫去侵犯父母的权柄，宁愿牺牲自己的满足— 这种灵是能够保护青年人品格最有力的其中一种盾牌。
事实上，这种顺服的灵可以帮助带来幼年的纯洁。不是每一个顺服的孩子都是纯洁，但肯定的是这样的孩子，而不是那有倔强，不肯屈从的脾气的孩子，是更有可能成为一个纯洁的人。
2. 对诚实有一种神圣的看重
对诚实有一种神圣的看重，这也是一种重要的习惯。孩子的品格差别是多么的大! 一些人极少，甚至不撒谎，而一些人似乎生下来就有一张说谎的舌头。看到幼年夸大和讲假话的习惯是如何牢牢缠绕着一个人的品格，这是一件多么可怕的事情。
撒谎是拦阻成为圣洁，上天堂的何等坚固的障碍! 父母必须教导孩子永远说诚实话的极大重要性。他们必须要看到，如果他们让诚实，或让谎言带领他们，那么爱，信心，尊荣 － 或者厌恶，不信和羞耻就必然会跟随着他们。每一句假话， 每一个掩饰， 每一个夸大， 每一个被破坏的承诺只会使心变得刚硬。它要燃烧良心，为新的诱惑开另一条门路。
另一方面 — 诚实，完全的诚实 — 带着它的单一和可爱 — 构成了各样道德美德的基础。
3. 勤奋的习惯
我们是否看重我们孩子最大的利益? 我们要预备他们去做某种有用的工作。勤奋的习惯对孩子智力和道德品格都有好的影响。许多孩子迷失了自己 — 对自己，对他的家庭，对世界，对神迷失了自己，是因为他除了放纵自己以外没有什么别的事情可做。但是许多的人被拯救脱离羞耻和败坏，被指向勤奋，成就和幸福，很简单就是因为他们没有什么时间可以用在娱乐之上。
在这里，当我们讲到努力工作，我们是否在反对精炼我们的孩子？当然不是 — 我们不想只是预备我们的孩子有极大的成就。有礼和文雅对品格也有很好的影响。但是把勤奋工作的习惯和这些结合在一起，你就拥有一种真正强大的力量。
4. 节制
节制 是和良好的教育分不开的。每一个世代都会给没有节制的人带来新的和不同的试探，如果一个孩子不能节制，就不要指望他长大可以成为圣洁，受人尊重。在思想，言语和行为上没有节制，很简单这就是一种放纵。
一个不受管束，不受限制的孩子，在一段时间里可能会闯过生活的颠簸拦阻，但最终愁苦和败坏必然会临到他身上。
健康，理智，品格，有所作为，安适，财富，良知和灵魂 — 所有这些在“不加节制之神”的殿里是何等容易被牺牲掉。孩子的思想是通向他的心的门户，我们的孩子在悔改，祷告和去爱之前，必须要清晰地去思想，体会和考虑。
如果全地的神命定了父母去直接监护他们孩子的幸福，美德和盼望，我们就当小心，我们是否把不加节制的种子撒在幼年孩子的身上，在童年时加以培养。它们是生命力茂盛的种子，多多结果，带来死亡。
5. 选择交友
父母应当对他们孩子的选择交友加以留意，要在这方面教导他们智慧。这不可能总是在父母的控制之下，但至少我们可以教导他们对他们的朋友要有分辨力。
这个原则有两个方面。第一，家庭是神赐予我们的最重要的人际关系。 我们怎样处理其他人际关系，这是直接受我们如何与我们家里人相处影响的。
这个原则的第二个方面就是要认识到其他人是如何影响我们的。我们朋友中闲懒，恶毒，无知或怀疑的倾向常常会影响我们，不利于我们的信念。我们有时候认识不到这种影响。罪是传染性的 —如果每一个人都在犯罪，这看起来就没有什么不妥。我们应当鼓励孩子逃离这些倾向，活着作神义的儿女。
正是在亲密朋友的当中，榜样劝服人，印证鼓励人，劝勉促进人，奉承欺骗人，取笑嘲弄人。在朋友当中孩子身上一切社交性的，富同情心的方面都被压制成型去服事良善或邪恶。
“与智慧人同行的，必得智慧。和愚昧人作伴的，必受亏损”—箴 13:20。 许多父母看着他们的希望在这样的朋友圈子里消亡。
可能的话，我们的孩子最好是在家里得到休息放松，甚至被差遣雇用。无论他们在哪里，他们的娱乐都绝不可使一个管理得很好和敬虔的家庭遭人非议。
这意味着父母可能需要自我放弃一些物质上的享受。在我们现今的富足环境中这是不是不可思议? 如果因着一些牺牲你可以为你的孩子买来热爱家庭的习惯，还有什么会是代价太高的呢? 那些在感情上最依附在家里的家庭是得到最好的教育，彰显出最有道德的感情的家庭。很快我们的孩子就会扩展他们的疆界，超出家庭之外。
尽管我们不应当完全与世隔离，但是每一个家庭都应该是自成一系的一个小小世界。 对早年生活形象和友情的光明，强烈的热爱，这可以非常容易把感情丰富的孩子吸引离开试探。这种情感把他与家庭绑在一起，所以不管一个孩子可能会离开你的控制有多远，只要这种感情在他里面活动，发光，他对家庭的爱就能保守他不致跌倒。
6. 正确看待世界和世界的文化
孩子最看重些什么？父母应当认真教导孩子如何去看待这个世界和这世界的文化。 许多谨慎，甚至是敬虔的父母都会鼓励孩子过分热情追求世界的高升。这个充满竞争的世界的灵是如此根深蒂固存在于我们充满焦虑的父母的思想里。我们追求的伟大目标不知不觉就变成了要得到财富和荣誉。
父母当然要关心他们的孩子在今生的品格和光景。我们要努力使我们的孩子形成有用和受人敬重的品格。我们要督促他们，无论他们有什么样的职业，他们都应当在工作中毫无妥协地为人诚实。我们要鼓励我们的孩子大大地‘爱慕卓越’，‘强烈渴求美事’。我们要追求意义最完全的卓越。
但父母在日常生活中分清楚什么是分福音所要求的那种爱慕卓越优秀，什么是从自私，爱世界的心流出的爱慕，这并非一件易事。在这方面我们都犯了罪。每次我们发现我们孩子身上有一种强烈追求世界好处，或者很简单，就是狡猾的灵，我们都会很自然地发出微笑。因为如此，我们就给他们一种印象，就是在我们眼里，没有什么好处比得上这个世界。
我们是否经常性地培养比爱世界上的事更高，更尊贵的原则呢? 如果我们教导孩子，人要做的伟大工作就是积累财富，取得荣誉，享受人生，他们的职业生涯会有什么可能的目标呢？
如果我们训练他们成为有用的人，是为天上预备的人，我们就应当经常提醒他们轻看日光之下一切之事。 我们不可不让他们接触世界，而是要教导他们这世界是多么虚空！
孩子越早看到除了他自己的进步以外，还有一种更高的追求目标就越好 — 他越早看到有比时间和感觉的龌龊短暂快乐更高，更持久的喜乐，他就会越早结出果子直到永生。他越早看到尽管他可能得到大家的欢迎，权力和财富，但仍会充满失望和忧伤，他就越快可以预备好成为永远有用的人。
让父母教导孩子神派他们到这个世界上尽他们的责任 — 使他们的生命充满用处，好来荣耀他的大名。如果这极好的原则在他们心里扎下根，那么他们就要享受比坐在君王的宝座上，或拥有数不尽的百万金钱更大的真正幸福。
如果父母明白他们孩子的内心，特别是如果他们明白自己的内心，他们就会总是因为看到‘职业进步’而颤惊害怕。那从上面而来的智慧要带领他们经常对孩子说，正如神对先知所说的那样，“你为自己图谋大事吗？不要图谋！”—耶45:5
让我们教导孩子神派他们到这个世界上来是为了这唯一的目的就是要顺服他，归荣耀给他的大名。如果这个原则安立在他们心里，成为他们生命中控制的影响，他们就要在神交给他们的工作中找到安心和满足。— 西3:23
7. 慷慨大方的灵
哦，慷慨大方的灵有何等一生长久的喜乐和赏赐！这是良心总是围绕跳动的琴弦。孩子很快就会认识这个真理：自私的灵是低等，卑鄙和低贱的灵。没有什么是比良善，不自私的灵更得高举，更伟大崇高的了。
让你教导你的孩子自私的灵的邪恶，不自私的灵的美好和优秀，对“尘土的玩具”不加依恋。帮助他们去思想其他人的利益。在他们里面培养考虑其他人愿望和感受的习惯。把他们的心思固定在伟大美好的目标上。
预备他们行慷慨的事。向他们讲清楚“施比受更有福”，给人礼物比接受礼物更令人高兴，在福音宏大慷慨的灵中，要比在世界低下，匍匐的灵红喜乐更为长久。关于教导我们孩子的基本真理
孩子可以很快发现有比他们自己利益更大的东西，如果他们有一种宏大，君王一般的灵，他们就会更高兴去探索发现这更大之事。
不要让他们最大的追求成为—“什么对我最好的？”而是 — “我的责任要求什么？慷慨要求什么？良善和没有自私的灵要求什么？神要求什么？”
十九世纪的解经家汤玛士史葛因着他非常快乐，成功的家庭而广为人知。有一次他被问到他的方法，他回答道，“我总是先求神的国和他的义。”幸福的父母! 幸福的孩子! “神的国和他的义”在人生的每一个计划和安排上居首位！
相当于我们孩子的信仰方面的品格，任何其他事情都应当成为附属之事。我们极高的特权就是“照着主的教训和警戒，养育孩子”。无论别人怎样说，怎样做，基督徒父母都应当为他们的孩子选择那“不能夺去的上好的福分”。对他们来说，任何其他事情都应该像是尘土！
在这方面穷尽你努力的分量和精力! 我们的孩子是继承不灭生命的! 他们是有责任的被造物，正快快朝审判台前迈进。很快他们就要躺卧在临终的床上，从那里他们不是升到天上就是下到地狱里 — 这是按着他们寻找还是拒绝，跟从还是蔑视他们伟大的救赎主决定的。
一般来说，没有坚持不懈的父母，孩子是不会变为圣洁的，这是令人痛苦般地真实。我们不加仔细关心，就不可期望他们会在艺术方面有造诣，在科学上有学识，活在这个世界上派上用场。如果我们希望看到他们成为神的儿女，他们就一定要明白，在我们眼中，他们的品格包含，超越了我们为人父母之爱的其他任何用意。
II. 教导我们儿女时当采取的措施
1. 树立榜样
有话说，“成为你希望你孩子成为的人”。“榜样的力量”可以成就极多的事情。早早在教导可以给孩子认识，或者权柄可以约束孩子之前，它就在影响孩子了。“规矩限制，榜样吸引；规矩强迫，榜样劝服。规矩是死的条文，榜样是活的律法。”紧接着“良心的律”以外，榜样是孩子认识到的第一条律法，在其他事情都被遗忘之后，它经常仍是促进他们行事为人的最大动力。
孩子是喜欢模仿的人，他们所见所闻的，他们很快就会明白。有爱心，警醒守望的父母的榜样是强有力的影响！没有一个孩子会太小，以致不能准确观察父母的行为 — 孩子不会太小，一致不受这影响洁净或是污染。而是不知不觉，我们不断用我们榜样的力量来塑造我们孩子的思想，习惯和品格！
我们有谁会希望我们的孩子成为不顺服，专横，藐视人，没有爱心，对人不友善，或者不礼貌的人呢？但如果他们在我们身上发现这些事情，我们的榜样就会管治他们的行为！
也许和这非常富足的社会最息息相关的是，我们不想我们的孩子会害怕工作或者受苦，那么为什么我们自己追求时尚和休闲呢？这认识很快就在他们头脑里形成－我的父母并不认为努力工作，或者勤奋，或者“爱惜光阴”，是荣耀的事情，或者是给人带来欢乐的事情。他们满足于一种轻松的生活。有这样的信息，我们的孩子会有志向要去努力工作，成为有用，有成就的人吗？
我们要我们的孩子成为光明正大，完全诚实的人。我们要他们守时，做事彻底。但如果他们听着我们在歌颂这些美德，知道我们却是在压制真相，没有组织，漫不经心，我们的行为岂不是在践踏我们的教训吗？
我们要我们的孩子认真选择他们的朋友和交往。但如果我们在这方面漫不经心，这又会怎么样呢？现代社会所喜欢的是什么？从今天的大众市场来看，所喜欢的是从大众娱乐到赌博，到醉酒，到色情，到卖淫的一系列的事情。现在可能比从前更甚，所有这些事情都以某种形式潜伏着等候来诱惑我们的孩子。我们非要给它们轻松进来，直接进入我们自己的生活和家庭当中吗？
榜样是至大的！我们有没有对神的话语和福音的大能表达出漫不经心的怀疑？我们不敬畏安息日吗？我们忽略了经常的敬拜吗？我们是在效法这个世界吗？ 我们对加入信徒的身体毫不在乎吗？我们的目标是成为富有，伟大，受万人尊重吗？如果是这样，如果我们的榜样挫败我们的教训，我们还会有任何理由感到失望吗？
我们总是在我们孩子面前行事为人，所以让我们用如此义的方法来行事为人，好让他们被吸引来效仿我们!
2. 给他们严格的教导
孩子不仅喜欢模仿，他们还是有理智的人。他们审视判断他们收到的信息，按着他们被教导的对这些事情相应加以确认或拒绝。
没有什么事情是父母不能教导他们的孩子的。孩子受到正确的教导和教育，他们会得到何等的满足！经常与你的孩子交谈 — 不是向他们传道，而是个人的交谈，这会马上结出果实。你的孩子一定会感到你要教导他来认识和作判断，光照他的良心，塑造他的内心。
父母！你们一定要认识到一个让人伤心的事实 — 你的孩子是败坏的！ 如果你不认识到这个伤心的事实，你去教育他就必然会完全失败。他拥有一个高于一切的自私的灵 —“自我放纵”是他的王！更糟糕的是，除非他在道德性的真理上得到教导，他就要成为卑贱嗜好和不圣洁的情欲的奴仆! 他要成为罪恶的巨人！
但是造物主给了这孩子一个柔软的良心。受到光照，它会分辨对错，给他一种责任的感觉 — 这就是为什么孩子会成为一个道德性的人，与动物不同的原因。他可以认识到他是一个要负责任的人。他知道他与神的关系吗？他一定要认识到他要对神负责。
一个人当知道的事情，他就应当在非常早期的时候去知道。那光照他成年的良心和品格的伟大道德原则，应该在童年的时候就渗透进入他暗昧的思想，在其中动工。
神对父母的要求是讲得清清楚楚的 —“我今日所吩咐你的话都要记在心上，也要殷勤教训你的儿女。无论你坐在家里，行在路上，躺下，起来，都要谈论。”不仅是原则，我们还必须教导孩子关于神的真理，他的存在，完全和治理，藉着耶稣基督的救赎，圣灵的作用，真信心的美好，对耶稣无保留的委身的喜乐和荣耀，他对义人的宝贵应许，以及那等着不义之人的可怕恐惧。
对神话语的教导应该是系统，固定和经常的。 也应该是随时随地的 —“行在路上。”很早就要使他们熟悉圣经。让他们的记忆装满了圣经的历史，它所讲的人物，以及它的真理。也要让记忆装满了简单和正确的要理问答，祷告和圣诗。这些古老的工具不再被人使用，这是何等的悲剧！应当不断把孩子的注意力从肤浅和毁灭性的阅读上移开，转移到有益的和有建设性的阅读上！
今天大多数的文学和娱乐，对智力和道德品质来说都是在施加一种破坏性的影响，有谁会否认这点呢？ 但让我们不仅仅是咒诅黑暗。要把孩子交托给那些对他们幼年的思想施加圣洁的影响的老师。让这种影响吸引他们，把他们争取过来去热爱德行和敬虔。用这些装备他们的思想，让他们的思想是如此被最好的教导所充满，以致他们的思想没有一点地方为有害的和污染人的客人所保留。
在与他们讨论他们灵魂得救的伟大话题上，我们应当带着所有的爱和温柔对他们说话。让我们催促，恳求他们“逃离那将来的忿怒”！我们要让他们看到这是我们最深深和最真心关切的问题。这是使我们眼里充满泪水，我们口舌对人劝说的题目。在这个问题上我们感情的所有激情和力量都要倾注而出，要“思想放光，言语火烧”。
在关于谈论信仰问题上，许多父母存在着不可原谅的错误。我们是否大把大把把关于信仰的谈话堆在我们孩子的身上，不管时机或应用是多么不合适？教导的每一个时机都应该调得很准确，决不可使人疲倦。
掌握时机最为重要！在孩子成长的过程中，有些阶段是探索的阶段，是柔软的阶段，有的阶段是开放的阶段。有时候我们自己为了我们孩子的得救想得很多，感触很深，祷告热切。在这些特别的时候，我们可以带着特别的信心，满心欢喜去和我们的孩子展开认真和温暖人心的交谈，比平常有更大的成功盼望！
这是唯有父母才能够完成的工作。在这方面，一位忠心的父亲，还有，一位敬虔母亲的忠心努力是最为重要的。在孩子的生命中，忠心的父母肯定对其他忠心的成年人 － 主日学老师，保姆，基督教会中的敬虔妇人和长老亏欠良多，这些人都作出了贡献，是永远不可忘记的。
但是完全把孩子交给老师去教导的母亲 — 或者在家里忽略了对他的家人进行基督教教育的父亲（因为他可以把这个担子交给一所宗教学校），是没有认真看待他们的责任。更重要的是，他们是低估了父母在塑造孩子的品格和命运上的力量。
3. 取得他们的信任
父母在对孩子所做的一切事情上都应当努力去取得孩子的信任。父母应当让每一位孩子知道他们是他最好的朋友。他应当知道，没有其他人，他是可以如此完全委身把自己交给他们的。没有其他人可以为他如此耐心，如此长久做事和受苦，没有其他人能以他的好行为和最大的福祉为最大的满足和奖赏。
我们一旦把这些念头植入孩子的心里，我们就不会不对他的良心和品格施加强烈的影响。
但是单独这些还不能取得他们的信任。我们应当使用各样明智和合法的手段来得到我们孩子的爱，引导他们以我们为他们的伙伴，不觉尴尬地与我们交谈，把他们自己最私人的事情放心交给我们。
想尊重他们父母的孩子有时候会害怕变得“太亲密”。有一些希望得到孩子尊重和尊荣的父母会很奇怪地抗拒这样的亲密。
如果孩子被奴隶一般的恐惧所拘禁，问题就一定是出在父母身上。就算那些性格看上去是不可能被任何其他手段所控制的孩子，只要他们被恐惧的捆绑所拘禁，父母就没有多少指望可以对他们发挥任何令人高兴和长期的影响了。
取得一位行事冲动的孩子的信任，同时又可以约束他，这决不是什么小的成就，这要求敬虔的父母要有爱，分辨和立场坚定，他们一定要快快来到他们的天父面前寻求智慧！
4. 训练你的孩子顺服权柄
父母每次管教孩子的时候要问的最大问题就是 — “什么是对孩子最好的？”对于很小的家庭，特别是只有一个孩子的家庭，这可能是唯一的问题。
每一种良好的教育体系都有着一种仁慈健全的权柄。 家庭的管治是一种特别的权柄，它的伟大运作原则是从使徒保罗而来的 — “你们作父亲的，不要惹儿女的气，只要照着主的教训和警戒，养育他们。”
要达到原本的目的，你的权柄一定要是绝对的！“那些进行最严格管教的人鞭打得最少！”如果你的权柄是绝对的，它就不需要是严厉的。你的意旨首先要是义的，接着它应当成为律法！任何你不能无条件认同的东西，就应当被看作是你的孩子根本不能接受的东西。
家庭管治决不可是冲动的。你是否只有在想起来的时候才去行使你的权柄？你是否很愚蠢地纵容孩子？你的权柄是否如此多变不一致，结果你的孩子不知道什么是规矩？你是否宣告了一条规矩，然后情况根本没有改变就把它取消了？这样的管治配不上被称为管治，它是足以去败坏任何一个孩子的。
一种温和，带着爱心的管治是最有权柄的 — 所以你的权柄应该是极其仁慈的。当孩子被管治的时候，他们很自然会不高兴，甚至会发怒 — 但是他们不应该因为他们父母的行为而有发怒的理由。人心只要一被限制就会反抗，当权柄粗暴，没有爱心的时候更是如此。把“爱”编织进管教的各样措施之中，你的管治就几乎不会不产生影响力。
小孩子会走路的时候，甚至在更早的时候，父母就要教导他要绝对服从! 如果父母的权柄不早早建立起来，那么它就永远不会被建立起来。我说早，我的意思是说非常早！孩子到了十五岁的时候，权柄，仅仅是权柄，是已经管不到他了。到了那时他必定是在影响力的管治下，要么是自我管治，要么是根本不受管治。
像这样的可能出现的局面简单来说是更加困难，不切实际！幼年顺服的习惯，即使对不够忍耐和倔强的孩子来说，很快也会变得容易，父母也会发现这很有果效。
这里我要插上一句，我不怀疑“体罚”的正确性和重要性。神在他的话语中很充分认同这点。但这只是给小孩子的。当孩子脱离童年期，比如到了十五岁，这同样的棍棒就会给他造成伤害了（除非这是针对全然的不慎重或不顺服而施加采用的）。如果“小大人”不被劝说，仁慈，影响力所管治，他就需要受到比他家庭管教更强有力的臂膀的管教！
确实，我们所有养育我们的孩子，让他们走当行的路的努力，其影响力在我们还不知道的时候就完全消耗殆尽了！童年的时候是品格形成的时候！如果这些事情被忽略，我们的孩子不永远失丧，这就真是恩典的奇迹了！
父母管教的目的永远不可互相冲突。婚姻关系不和谐，这是教育孩子最大的敌人。在教育的每一个方面，家庭合一的头之间都不可有冲突。
比如，你是否是支持奢华的闲适和娱乐，而你的配偶是对此加以反对的？你是不是“早睡早起”，而你的配偶是总不睡觉的？你的配偶有坚定的权威，而你却责怪她严厉，是你孩子欢乐的敌人？你们抢夺的对象就是你们所爱的孩子！如果你的权柄，还有你孩子的权柄在争吵中被牺牲掉了，有谁会对此感到奇怪呢？
父母的管治在何时应当停止？智慧要告诉你，这要看你孩子的为人，以及你家庭的状况。你发现和你的孩子相处是越来越喜乐的一件事吗？这就肯定是在指着他们自由的方向了。另一方面，如果你的经历是苦涩的，忍耐，而非更严厉的管治，就是补救的办法。要忍耐，指望神。
谦卑，坚持的祷告要在教育你的孩子这件事上成就极大的事情！你的骄傲是集中在你的孩子身上吗？智商很高，决心很大的父母，特别是年轻的父母，是非常容易把极大的信心放在他们自己的技巧，管理和坚定决心上的。这种以我们的孩子为骄傲，相信我们自己的做法，将要遇见极大的试炼。天地的主要把这两样都抓在他手上。
神要我们放弃我们的自我信靠，认识到我们需要依靠他。当我们失败的时候，我们肯定多多少少都要失败的，我们就会面朝着地，把我们的孩子交到全然有恩典和能力的神面前。我们越早，越热切，越顺服地这样做，我们就越有盼望的缘由。
当有祷告滋润的时候，为人父母的爱是最为纯净，最为忠心，最为有效的。正是在神的施恩座那里，为人父母的爱全然流出。如我们的孩子所需要的那样，神正是如此显明他的怜悯。
让你的孩子可以听到你每天的祷告。为他们祷告，好让他们可以听到你为他们求神特别的祝福。然后在你私下的敬拜中记念他们。有爱心，有忠心的父母是不愿让立约的天使离开的，除非他祝福了他们的孩子。
最后，不要满足于仅仅是求神限制约束的恩典！要带着信心去求他拯救的怜悯。在孩子没有得到基督的血，在罪中失丧的时候为他们恳求。为他们恳求，因为他们有无可辩驳，无可离开的罪过。用耶稣的温柔为他们恳求。带着确凿的信心为他们恳求，好使有一日你可以和耶稣一起说道，“你所赐给我的人，我没有失落一个。”
III. 勇气! 鼓起勇气!
1. 行善不可丧志
神使你孩子归信的时间可能不是你的时间。你的努力可能看上去都是徒劳 — 甚至年复一年都是如此 — 但你可能最终得见你的孩子在恩典和圣洁的安慰中大大欢喜。那出去流泪，带着宝贵种子的人，无疑要欢喜再来，带着收取的谷穗。
一位刚硬，心不感恩的孩子可能令你心碎一万次。他可能令你头发因着悲痛而发白，甚至直到你进入坟墓 — 但你可以回首，知道你没有疏忽你的责任。
2. 做一位愿意改正的父母
你可能忠心地在做这一切，你的孩子为此不住感谢你。但是如果你知道在这方面你没有忠心，那么你也当知道这种不忠心是极不讨神喜悦的。你要永远体会这种苦果。是的，神可能容许你的孩子在你眼前活出非常不圣洁的生活。你可能甚至会看到他们扎进死亡和地狱！
你是否在拦阻神祝福你的孩子? 我有很简单的建议 — 立刻改正! 在你还能够的时候，抓住你孩子的手，和他们行在圣洁和救恩的道中。
看着你的孩子，看看他们的摇篮。设想他们在这充满陷阱的世界上前进。看看死亡和审判。你会带着喜乐在那边和他们见面吗？在复活的早晨，你能带着微笑和你的儿女打招呼吗？
3. 孩子– 当思想你们极大的责任
“要孝敬父母，使你们得福，在世长寿。”—弗 6:2。我们已经看见这个应许已经令人欢欣地得以实现。令人伤心的是，我们也看到它意味着神要带着能力行出他所警告的。在纽约这个犯罪的大都市，大众潮流和风尚是最有影响的 — 我已经看到如此多的年轻人滑下危险的涌流， 我已经看到他们因藐视权柄而付出最大的代价。
孩子们，在主里面顺服你们的父母，因为这是应当的。但我对你们的要求是多得多的。我要你们的心，你们的生命，你们的存在都是为了那造你们的那一位。当在你年青的日子纪念你的创造主。在他还可以被寻见的时候当去寻求他，当他接近的时候呼求他。
再听我说一次，如果你藐视这伟大的救恩，那么是什么样的疯狂在驱使你进入灭亡和绝望呢？你在与那些荣耀中的圣徒为此哭泣的人和事为伍吗？你们曾经在父母圣洁的膝头上被养育长大，仅仅是为了要与地狱里的魔鬼结伙，为其所用吗？决不要让“黑暗的世界”高兴看到你，这如此多的祷告和泪水倾注的对象，成为它自己的儿女！
【责任编辑：圣山网编辑】
CHRISTIAN PARENTINGby Gardiner Spring (1785—1873)
I. ESSENTIAL TRUTHS TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN1. Subjection to AuthorityTime and again, the Word of God calls us to be in subjection to authority. If there is a place where this call should be especially steady and certain, it is the family. And it is a happy family who cultivates this habit of subordination.God has assigned the years of childhood and youth to parental control. This wise and generous arrangement simply cannot be upended without jeopardizing the best interests of our children for time and eternity. It is an arrangement that will preserve a child from a thousand evils.The spirit that considers a parent's wishes—that hesitates to violate a parent's authority—that prefers to sacrifice its own gratification—this spirit is one of the strongest shields that can be thrown around youthful character.In fact, this spirit of submission helps lead to early purity. Not every dutiful child is pure, but it certainly is more likely that such a child will become so, rather than one of an obstinate, unbending temper.2. Sacred Regard for TruthfulnessA sacred regard for truthAnd what a strong barrier this lying throws in the way of holiness and heaven! Children must be taught the immense importance of always speaking the truth. They must see that love, confidence, and honor—or disgust, distrust, and disgrace—will follow them as they let either truth or lies lead them. Every false statement—every art of concealment—every exaggeration—every broken promise—only hardens the heart. It burns the conscience and opens another avenue to new seductions.On the other hand—truth, pure truth—with all its simplicity and loveliness—forms the foundation of every moral virtue.3. Industrious HabitsDo we have our eyes on our child's best interests? We will prepare them for some sort of useful employment. Industrious habits have such a happy influence on the intellectual and moral character. Many a child has been lost—to himself—to his family—to the world—and to God—because he had little else to do but indulge himself. But many have been rescued from disgrace and ruin—and pointed toward industry, accomplishment and happiness—simply because they had little time for entertainment.Now, when we talk about hard work, are we enemies of refinement? Certainly not—and we do not want to prepare our children merely for splendid accomplishments. Courtesy and elegance also have a happy influence on character. But combine them with enterprising work habits, and you have a truly powerful force.4. TemperanceTemperanceFor a while an uncurbed, unrestrained child may roll right over life's bumps, but eventually distress and ruin will come calling.Health, intellect, character, usefulness, comfort, property, conscience, and the soul—all are so easily sacrificed at the shrine of the 'god of intemperance'. A child's mind is the door to his heart, and our children must think, feel, and consider clearly, before they will repent, pray, and love.If the God of all the earth has appointed parents the immediate guardians of their children's happiness, virtue, and hopes—let us beware how we sow 'seeds of intemperance' in infancy and nurture them in childhood. They are fertile seeds—and prolific in death.5. Selection of FriendsParents should also consider their children's selection of friends, and teach them wisdom in this area. This cannot always be under parental control, but at least we can teach them discernment with regard to their friends.There are two aspects of this principle. First, the family is the most important set of relationships that God has given us. How we deal with other relationships is directly affected by how we deal with the people in our family.The second aspect of this principle is recognizing how other people influence and affect us. Idle, vicious, ignorant or skeptical tendencies in our companions often influence us to the detriment of our convictions. We are sometimes unconscious of this effect. Sin is contagious—it seems all right if everyone else is doing it. Children should be encouraged to flee these tendencies, and to live as righteous children of God.It is here, in the company of older friends, that—example persuades—argument encourages—exhortation stimulates—flattery deceives—and ridicule mocks. Here all that is social and sympathetic in a child is pressed into the service of good—or evil."Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise—but the companion of fools will suffer harm."—Proverbs 13:20. Many parents have seen their hopes die in such a circle of friends.Our children's relaxation and even their employment (where possible) should ideally be at home. No matter where they are, their entertainment should never bring reproach upon a well-governed and godly family.This means that parents may need to deny themselves some creature comforts. Is this unthinkable in our current affluence? If by a few sacrifices you could purchase for your children the habit of loving their home, is any price too high? Those families are best educated, and exhibit the most moral feeling, which are most tenderly attached to home. Soon enough, our children will be extending their borders beyond it.While we ought not to be completely separated from the world, every family ought to be a little world within itself. A bright, strong affection for the images and friendships of early life so easily draws an affectionate child away from temptations. They bind him to his home, so that no matter how far a child may be removed from your control, as long as this affection moves and glows within him, his love for home will keep him from falling.6. Proper Estimation of the World and Its CultureWhat do children esteem most highly? They should be carefully taught how toestimate this world and its culture. Many prudent, even pious parents encourage far too much zeal for worldly advancement. The spirit of this competitive world is so ingrained in our anxious parents' minds. The great object of our pursuit insensibly becomes the attainment of wealth and honor.Certainly parents should be concerned for the character and condition of their children in this life. We want to see our children develop useful and respectable character. We will urge them to unbending fidelity in their profession, whatever it may be. We will inspire our children with a generous 'love of excellence' and a 'strong desire for good'. We will aim for excellence in the best sense of the word.But it is not an easy matter in everyday life for parents to draw a line between that love of distinction and excellence which the gospel requires—and that which flows from a selfish and worldly heart. We all sin in this regard. It is very natural for us to smile whenever we discover in our children a spirit that is eagerly set on worldly good, or that is simply shrewd. In doing so, we leave them with the impression that, in our estimation, there is no good to be compared with this world.Do we regularly cultivate higher and nobler principles than the love of earthly things? If our children are taught that the great business of men is to heap up wealth, attain honors, and enjoy human life, what will be the probable end of their careers?If we would train them up for usefulness and heaven, they must often be reminded to put a low estimate upon everything beneath the sun. They must not be shielded from the world—but instead taught how vain and empty a thing it is!The sooner a child can see—that there is a higher object of pursuit than his own advancement—that there are more elevated and enduring joys than the sordid and transitory pleasures of time and sense—the sooner he will bear fruit unto eternal life. The sooner he sees that even though he may attain popularity, power and wealth and yet be filled with disappointment and sorrow—the more quickly he is prepared for eternal usefulness.Let children be taught that God sent them into the world to do their duty—to fill up their life with usefulness—and thus to honor His great name. If this generous principle takes its seat in their hearts, they will enjoy greater real happiness, than if they sit in the thrones of princes, or become possessors of untold millions.If parents know their children's hearts—and especially if they know their own—they will always tremble for them at the prospect of 'career advancement'. The wisdom that comes from above will lead them often to say to their child, as God did to the Prophet, "Do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them!"—Jeremiah 45:5.Let children be taught that God sent them into the world for the sole purpose of obeying him, and bringing honor to His great name. If this principle rests in their hearts, and becomes a controlling influence on their lives, they will find contentment and satisfaction in the work God has given them.—Colossians 3:23.7. A Generous SpiritOh, the lifelong joy and reward of a generous spirit! This is a chord to which the conscience always vibrates. Children quickly grasp this truth: A selfish spirit is a low, abject and base spirit. There is nothing more elevated—more grand and noble—than a benevolent and unselfish spirit!Let your children be taught the evil of a selfish spirit, and the beauty and excellence of an unselfish spirit, unattached to 'toys of dust'. Help them to think of the welfare of others. Form in them the habit of consulting the wishes and feelings of others. Fix their minds upon objects that are great and good.Prepare them for acts of generosity. Show them that "it is more blessed to give, than to receive"—that there is more pleasure in offering a gift than accepting it, and more lasting joy in the enlarged, generous spirit of the gospel—than the low, groveling spirit of the world.Children can quickly discover that there are interests greater than their own—and, if they have an enlarged and princely spirit—interests which they will be happier for investigating.Let not their grand inquiry be—"What is best for me?" But—"What does my duty require? What does generosity require? What does the spirit of kindness and unselfishness require? What does God require?"The 19th century commentator Thomas Scott was well known for his remarkably happy, successful family. When once asked about his method, he replied, "I have always sought for them in the first place, the kingdom of God and his righteousness." Happy parent! Happy children! where the "kingdom of God and his righteousness" take the precedence in every plan and arrangement for human life!To the religious character of our children, everything else ought to be made subservient. Our high privilege is to "bring up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Whatever others may say or do, Christian parents should choose for their children that "good part which shall not be taken from them." To them, everything else should be like dust!Exhaust the weight and vigor of your effort here! Our children are heirs to immortality! They are creatures of responsibility, and are rapidly advancing to the judgment seat. Soon they will be upon a bed of death from which they will ascend to heaven or descend to hell—to the extent they sought or rejected, followed or despised their great Redeemer.It is painfully true, that ordinarily, children will not become holy without persevering parents. We cannot expect them to become skillful in the arts, learned in the sciences, or useful in the world without our careful attention. And if we hope to see them become the children of God, they must understand that, in our estimation, their 'character' absorbs and eclipses every other intention of our parental love.II. MEASURES TO TAKE IN TEACHING OUR CHILDREN1. Set an Example"Be what you wish your child to be," the saying goes. So much is accomplished by "the power of example". It influences children long before instruction can inform—or authority can bind. "Rules constrain—example is alluring. Rules compel—example persuades. Rules are a dead law—example a living law." Next to the 'law of conscience', example is the first law with which children are acquainted—and it often remains their strongest motive to action after all others are forgotten.Children are imitative beings, and they quickly understand what they see and hear.The example of an affectionate and watchful parent is a powerful influence! No child is too young to be the accurate observer of its parent's conduct—and to be purified or contaminated, by that example. However unwittingly—we are constantly molding our children's minds, habit, and character by the power of our example!Who among us desires for our children to be unyielding, overbearing, contemptuous, unkind, unfriendly, or discourteous? But if they discover these in us—our example will govern their conduct!Perhaps most to the point in this very affluent society—we do not want our children to be afraid of work or hardship—so why do we ourselves pursue fashion and leisure? The message quickly forms in their minds—My parents do not consider hard work, or diligence, or "redeeming the time"—to be reputable or pleasurable. They are satisfied with an easy life. With such a message, is it likely that our children will aspire to hard work, usefulness and accomplishment?We want our children to be honorable and completely truthful. We want them to be punctual and thorough. But if they hear us extolling these virtues and know that instead we bend the truth and are disorganized and careless, will not our conducttrump our teaching?We want our children to carefully choose their friends and conversation. But what if we are careless in this regard? What are the pleasures of modern society? Judging from the reality of the popular market today, they lie somewhere on a spectrum that stretches from popular entertainment—to gambling—to drunkenness—to pornography—to prostitution. And now, perhaps more than ever, all of these lie in some form waiting to entice our children. Must we give them an easy opening—right into our own lives and homes?Example rules!Do we express careless doubts about the truth of God's word and the power of the gospel? Do we not reverence the Sabbath? Do we neglect regular worship? Are we conformed to this world? Are we careless about joining ourselves to a body of believers? Is our object to be rich, great, and honored by all? If so, will we have any ground for disappointment if our example defeats our instructions?We are always acting in the presence of our children—so let us do it in such a righteous way that they are enticed to imitate us!2. Provide Vigorous InstructionChildren are not merely creatures of imitation, but creatures of intellect. They examine and judge the impressions they get—and confirm or reject them according to how they are taught.There is no subject off limits for parents in teaching their children. What gratification for a child to be rightly taught and educated! Frequent conversation with your children—not preaching, but personal conversation—will bear immediate fruit. Your child must feel that you want to inform his understanding and judgment—enlighten his conscience—and impress his heart.Parents! You must recognize a mournful fact—your child is depraved! You will fail utterly to educate him if you don't recognize this sad reality. He possesses a supremely selfish spirit—'self-indulgence' is his king! Worse—unless he is instructed in moral truth, he will become a slave of base appetites and unholy passions! He will become a giant in wickedness!But the Creator has given this child a tender conscience. Enlightened, it differentiates between right and wrong and gives him a sense of obligation—it is how a child becomes a moral agent and different from an animal. He can learn that he is a responsible creature. Does he know his relationship to God? He must feel accountable to Him.What a person ought to know—he ought to begin to know very early. The great moral principles, which enlighten his adult conscience and character, ought to penetrate and work on his dark mind in childhood.What God requires of parents is clearly spelled out—"And these words which I command you shall be in your heart, and you must diligently teach them to your children—when you walk—when you lie down—and when you rise up!" And not just principles. Children must be taught the truth about God—His being, perfections, and government—redemption by Jesus Christ—the influence of the Holy Spirit—the beauty of true faith—the joys and honors of an unreserved devotion to Jesus—His precious promises for the godly—and the dreadful terrors awaiting the ungodly.INSTRUCTION in God's Word should be systematic, regular and frequent. It should be casual, also—"When you walk by the way". Early let them be made familiar with Scriptures. Let their memories be stored with its history—its biography—and its truths. Let them also be stored with simple and truthful catechisms, prayers, and sacred hymns. How tragic that these ancient tools have fallen into disuse! The child's attention should be constantly be diverted from light and destructive reading—to that which is profitable and constructive!Who disagrees that the great bulk of today's literature and entertainment exerts a destructive influence—both on the intellectual and moral character? But let us not just curse the darkness. Let children be committed to teachers who will exert a holy influence on their youthful minds. Let this influence charm and win them to the love of virtue and godliness. In this furnishing of their minds, let them be so preoccupied with the best instructions—that they shall have little room for noxious and polluting guests.In conversing with them on the great subject of their soul's salvation, we should address them with all affection and tenderness. Let us urge and plead with them to 'flee from the wrath to come!' We want them to see that this is a subject about which we feel the deepest and most tender concern. This a subject that brings tears to our eyes—and persuasion from our tongues. On this matter all the passion and strength of our affection flows forth in "thoughts that glow—and words that burn."There is an inexcusable backwardness in many parents when it comes to conversing on religious subjects. Do we pile religious conversation onto our children, no matter how inappropriate the timing or application? Every opportunity for instruction should be well timed—and never made tedious.Timing is everything! In the history of a child, there are seasons of searching and tenderness—and there are seasons of openness. And there are times when we ourselves think much, feel deeply, and pray earnestly—for the salvation of our children. Out of these special times, we may proceed with special confidence and a delightful fullness of soul, to serious and heartwarming conversations with our children—with more than usual hopes of success!This is a job for parents alone. Here, the faithful efforts of a faithful father—and even more, a godly mother—are most important. Faithful parents certainly owe much to the other faithful adults in a child's life—Sunday school teachers, nannies, and godly women and elders in Christ's church. These all have obligations that may never be forgotten.But that mother who leaves her child only to the instruction of teachers—or thatfather who neglects the Christian education of his family at home (because he can shift the burden onto a religious school)—has not carefully considered his responsibility. More importantly, he underestimates the power a parent has in shaping the character and destiny of his children.3. Gain Their ConfidenceIn all their conduct toward them, parents should seek to gain children's confidence. Every child should be convinced that his parent is his best friend. He must know that there are none on whose devoted attachment he may so completely rely. There are none who will do and suffer so patiently and so long for him. Who look for no higher gratification or reward, than his good conduct and highest welfare.Once we plant these thoughts in a child's heart, we cannot fail to have a strong hold upon his conscience and character.But this alone may not gain their confidence. We should use every sensible and lawful means—to secure the affections of our children—to induce them to choose our company—to enter into conversation with us without embarrassment—and trust us with their own private affairs.Children who want to be respectful to their parents are sometimes afraid of becoming 'too familiar'. And some parents who desire to be respected and honored by their children strangely resist such familiarity.Where children are held in slavish fear—the fault is always the parent's. Even with children whose tempers seemingly cannot be controlled by other means, there is little hope of having any happy, long-term influence as long as they are held in the bondage of fear.Gaining the confidence of an impetuous child—while restraining him—is no small feat. It calls on all the kindness, discretion and firmness of a godly parent—who will soon go to his heavenly Father for wisdom!
4. Train Your Children to Be Under AuthorityThe great question in every act of parental discipline is—"What will be for the best good of the child?" Where a family is small, and especially where there is but a single child, this may be the only question.Every good system of education maintains a kind and wholesome authority. The government of a family is of a peculiar kind—and its great operating principle comes from the Apostle Paul—"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."To be what it ought to be—your authority must be absolute! "Those who maintain the strictest discipline—give the fewest strokes!" If your authority is absolute—it need not be severe. Your will should first be righteous—and then it should be law! Anything to which you cannot freely consent, should be considered as altogether out of the question for your child.Family government must never be impulsive. Do you exercise your authority only when the notion strikes you? Are you foolishly indulgent? Is your authority so various and changeable that your children don't know what the rules are? Do you announce a rule and then, without any change of circumstance, revoke it? Such government does not deserve the name. It is enough to spoil any child.A mild, affectionate government is the most authoritativeBy the time a child can walk—and even earlier—he should be taught implicitly to obey!The alternative is simply more difficult and impractical! This early habit of subjection—even to impatient and unbending children—will soon become easy, and parents will find it effective too.Here may I add—I have no doubt of the propriety and importance of "corporal punishment". God has abundantly approved of it in His word. But it is only for a child. When that child passes from childhood to, say, fifteen years of age, the same rod does him injury (unless it is used in response to downright impudence or disobedience). If the 'young adult' will not be governed by reason, kindness, influence—he needs a stronger arm than the discipline of his family!Indeed, all our efforts to train up our children in the way they should go, exhaust their influence before we are aware of it! The days of childhood—these are the seasons when character is formed! And if these are neglected, it will be a miracle of mercy if our children are not forever lost!The parents purposes in discipline should never come in collision with each other. Marital discord is the deadliest foe to the education of children. On every topic of education, let there be no jarring between the united head of a family.Are you, for example, a proponent of extravagant leisure and entertainment—and your spouse opposed? Are you "early to bed, early to rise"—and your spouse up at all hours? Is your spouse firm in authority—and you chide her as severe, and the enemy of your children's pleasures? Your bone of contention is the child you love! Who can wonder if your authority—and your child—are sacrificed in the squabble?When should parental government cease?Humble, persevering prayer will accomplish much in educating your children!God means for us to renounce our self-confidence and feel our dependence on Him. When we fail—as certainly we will to some extent—we will lie prostrate on our faces and carry our children to the God of all grace and power. The sooner, more earnestly, and more submissively we do this, the more reason we have to hope.Parental tenderness is the most pure, the most faithful, and the most productive—when prayer nourishes it. It is at God's mercy-seat that a parent's love all flows out. And God reveals His mercy exactly as our children need it.Let your children hear you pray daily. Pray for them so they can hear you asking God's special blessing on them. And then remember them in your private devotions. An affectionate and faithful parent will not let the Angel of the Covenant go—until He blesses his children.Finally, do not be content to plead only for God's restraining grace! Go on in confidence to ask him for his saving mercy. Plead for them in their sinfulness—lost without Christ's blood. Plead for them because they possess indisputable, inalienable immortality. Plead for them with the tenderness of Jesus. Plead for them with the assurance that someday you will say with Jesus, "Of those whom you have given me—I have lost none."III. COURAGE! TAKE COURAGE!1. Do Not Get Weary in Well DoingGod'sA hardened, ungrateful child may break your heart ten thousand times. He may turn you grey with grief, even to the grave—but you can look back and know that you were not negligent.2. Be a Correctable ParentYou may be doing all of this faithfully, and your children will long praise you for it. But if you know you have been unfaithful in this, know also that this unfaithfulness greatly displeases God. You will feel the bitter consequences forever. Yes, God may allow your children to live out very unholy lives before your eyes. You may even live to see them plunge down to death and hell!Do you stand between God and His blessing for your children? I have simple advice—Reform at once! Take your child by the hand—while you can—and walk them in the paths of holiness and salvation.Look at your children. Look at their cradle. Anticipate their progress through this ensnaring world. Look at death and judgment. Will you meet them there—with joy? Will you, on the morning of resurrection, greet your sons and daughters with a smile?3. Children– Consider Your High Obligations"Honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."—Ephesians 6:2-3. We have seen this promise delightfully fulfilled. And, tragically, we have seen its implied threat executed with force. In New York, this guilty metropolis, where popular trends and fashions are their most powerful—I have seen so many youth glide down the dangerous current, and I have seen them pay the ultimate price as they scorned authority.Children, obey your parents in the Lord—for this is right. But I want so much more from you. I want—your hearts—your lives—and your existence for Him who made you. Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while he is near.Hear me once more, if you still despise this great salvation—What is this great infatuation that drives you on to ruin and despair? Are you sporting with that over which the saints in glory weep? Were you nurtured in the lap of holiness—only for the society and employment of the fiends of hell? Let the 'world of darkness' never rejoice that you—the object of so many prayers and tears—have become its own child!
