1 漂亮的结婚礼物 The Nice Wedding Gift
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘,所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。很明显,这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信,因为我们收到了一张卡片,上面写着:“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物,我们期待着不久就用到它。”
2 给我捎杯牛奶 Bring me a glass of milk
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoe down-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what's happening."
Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
半夜两点,科尔肯太太确信听到客厅有贼,便对丈夫说:“别开灯,蹑手蹑脚下楼,别让贼发觉,悄悄靠近他。”
科尔肯先生披上外套,责无旁贷地去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口,他妻子又补充说:“回来时给我捎杯牛奶。”
3 多少钱? How Much Is It?
It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, Look, Joe! Isn't that beautiful!
He then answered, All right, dear, how much is it? And took his money out to pay for it.
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, look at that beautiful moon, Joe!
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, All right, dear, how much is it?
严冬来临,荷曼太太想采购一大批东西,所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候,她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹。他们去了许多商店,荷曼太太买了一大堆东西。她经常停下脚步说道:“看,乔伊!那个多漂亮!”
他总是回答:“好吧!亲爱的,多少钱?”然后掏钱去付款。
他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已经降临,荷曼先生已精疲力尽了。他心里想着其它事情,比如在家里暖暖的火炉边呷口美酒。突然他太太仰望天空,说道:“看那月亮多美,乔伊!”
荷曼先生不加思索答道:“好吧,亲爱的,多少钱?”
4 事故现场 Scene of the accident
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."
The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Morgen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."
拉比和一位牧师撞了车，而且非常严重。这两辆车是全毁了，但是，令人惊讶的是，两位神职人员都没受伤。之后，他们爬出来他们的汽车，拉比看到牧师的衣领说，“你是一个牧师，我是一个拉比。只要看看我们的汽车，什么也留不下了，但我们没有受伤。这一定是神的一个旨意。上帝一定意味着我们应该相遇并成为朋友，并一起和平地度过我们的余生。“
神父回答说：“我完全同意你的观点。这一定是上帝的旨意。”
拉比继续说，“再看看这个。这是另一个奇迹。我的车是完全毁了，但是这瓶摩根大卫酒没有破。当然，上帝希望我们喝这酒，庆祝我们的福气。”
然后，他把手中的酒瓶给了牧师。牧师同意，喝了几大口，然后把手中的瓶子递回拉比。拉比拿着瓶子，立即将瓶盖盖上，并把它递回给教士。
牧师问：“你不喝点吗？”
拉比回答说：“不......我想我要等警察。”
5 Never Mind 没关系
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, even the brake pedal!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
一个醉汉打电话给警察局,报告小偷光顾了他的车,“他们偷走了仪表盘、方向盘,甚至连刹车脚板都偷走了。”
然而在警察还没有开始调查时,电话又一次响了起来,“没事了”,醉汉打着嗝说,“我不小心坐到了后坐上了。”
6 给麦克机会 Give Mike a chance
It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Mike is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."
Well now, Mike was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Mike another chance, give Mike another chance!"
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Mike another chance.
Mike is told that he will be given a "one question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Mike thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Mike one more chance. Give Mike one more chance!"
Well now, Mike was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Mike another chance, give Mike another chance!"
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Mike another chance.
Mike is told that he will be given a "one question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Mike thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Mike one more chance. Give Mike one more chance!"
在考克斯高中毕业晚会上，当仪式进行了大约一半时，校长说，“女士们，先生们，我们有一个问题，麦克差了几个学分，将不能在今晚毕业。”
现在麦克是考克斯的橄榄球队的右后卫，当学生们听说他不能毕业，他们都跳了起来，开始高喊，“给麦克一次机会，给麦克一次机会！”
帕特戴和校长有一个短暂的会议之后，校长宣布，他们已经决定给麦克一次机会。
麦克被告知，他将被问到一道数学题，如果他答对了，他就可以毕业。
现在的问题是，“2+ 3是几？”麦克想了大约20分钟，然后说，“我知道啦！是5！”
在观众席完全沉默了几秒钟后，整个考克斯高中橄榄球队跳了起来，开始齐声喊道，“再给麦克一次机会，再给麦克一次机会！”
(from Internet)
