1 购物 Go Shopping
Our supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "Don’t worry, lady," he said. "I will pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store?"
我们的超级市场在廉价拍卖无骨鸡胸，我认识的某位女士打算去多买一些。然而，到了这家肉店的时候她感到很失望，因为只找到一些事先就包装好的鸡肉，于是她就向这肉店的屠夫抱怨。屠夫说：“小姐，别担心，我会替你多包几盘，在你买完东西的时候把它们准备好。”逛完几个走道之后，我的朋友后听到肉店屠夫的声音透过公共广播系统隆隆地说:“那位想要大胸部的小姐请到本店后方来见我好吗？”
2 要有信心 Gotta Have Faith
This is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With trembling voice, he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, “Whenever it breaks."
有个关于在欧洲座落于高空好几百英尺悬涯高处的修道院故事。到达修道院的唯一的方法，就是被悬吊在由数名修道士用尽他们全力拖拉到山顶的篮子里。显然的，乘坐篮子爬上陡峭的悬崖是相当令人害怕的。有位旅客约在半途中，注意到悬挂他的绳子很老旧而且被磨损时，心中感到极度紧张不安。他用颤抖的声音询问与他一同乘坐在篮子里的修道士，他们多久换绳子一次。修道士想了一会，然后粗率地回答：“绳子断掉时。”
3 懒惰的经理 Lazy Manager
A middle management executive has to take on some sports by his doctor’s, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine”, the manager says. “When I am on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, and my brain immediately says, "Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!" "Really? What happens then?" the secretary asks. "Then my body says, “Who 、Me? Don’t talk nonsense!"
有一位中阶经营主管因为听了他的医师指示必须要做一些运动，所以他决定要打网球。在几个星期之后，他的秘书就问他情况如何，这位经理说：“进行得不错，当我在网球场上看到球快速朝着我来的时候，我的脑袋就立刻说：‘反手拍！上网！杀球！后退！ ”秘书问说：“真的呀，然后咙？”“然后我的身体说：‘谁？我吗？别胡说八道了！’”
4 你做了什么坏事 What is your offense
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There's nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner.
圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？”
“我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。
“这么做没错啊，”法官说：“到底多早之前啊？”
“商店开门之前”犯人答道。
5 应聘间谍 Apply a Spy Job
Ten men applied for a job as an industrial spy. The interviewer gave each man a sealed envelope. They were ordered to deliver it to the fifth floor.
One man secretly disobeyed and opened his envelope. It read, “You’re the right person for this job. Report to the personnel department immediately.”
有10个男人去应征产业间谍的工作。面试者给每个人一个封好的信封。他们被命令把信封送到五楼。
有一个人偷偷地违反命令，打开了给他的信封。上面写着：¨你是这份工作最合适的人选。马上到人事部报到。"
6 为什么新郎穿黑衣服 Why is the groom wearing black?
At a wedding, a little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” She answered, "The bride wears white because this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thought about this and said, "Why is the groom wearing black?”
在一场婚礼上，一个小男孩问他的母亲：”妈妈，为什么那女孩穿白衣服？“这位母亲回答道：”新娘穿白衣服，是因为今天是她最快乐的一天。”这个男孩想了想然后说：那为什么新郎穿黑衣服?”
(from Internet)
