The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
T.S. Eliot (1888-1965)
听说过T·S·艾略特（Thomas Stearns Eliot），但其实从没有读过他任何的作品。准备写这篇文章的时候在网上粗略地瞄了一会儿，上面这首可以说是其成名作的名为《普鲁弗洛克的情歌》的诗一下子抓住了我。如果你以为这又将是众多人生感慨文章中的一员那很抱歉，其实我要说的是。。。
是的，本文的主角是北象海豹。这些重量可达5000磅的家伙有太多的有趣之处了。例如它们一次潜水一般为30分钟左右（记录长达120分钟），深度5000英尺。又如北象海豹在生殖阶段不吃不喝，雌象海豹一天体重降低16磅；而生下来的北象海豹宝宝一天体重可以增长10磅。而最让我感兴趣的莫过于他们一年两次、每次3000英里的超长距离迁移了。等一下，你会说还有其它动物有更长的迁移距离，例如北极燕鸥的记录是24000英里。但别急，看看下面的图再说：
看出什么了吗？提示一下，颜色代表不同性别。是的，雄象海豹和雌象海豹的行程大不相同。雄性沿着北美西海岸一路迁移到阿拉斯加，雌性则在半路直接杀到北太平洋腹地。一路上它们都大吃大喝，养的膘肥体壮，为即将来临的战斗和斋戒打底子。然而临近生殖季节它们都采用最直接的路径赶回包括加州新年海岸州立保留地在内的4、5个地方。雄性先赶到占地盘，一阵大打出手后成者为王，但也不会赶尽杀绝。败者灰溜溜地躲到不显眼的地方舔伤口、反思“战略战术”上的错误。雌象海豹则会在生产3-5天前准时到达。占据有利地形的“大王”们三妻四妾，啊不，十妻九妾地享受“天伦之乐”。据说最多的后宫纪录可以上百，虽比不上后宫佳丽三千的程度，但一年200个后代的机会还是相当可观的。
为什么雌象海豹和雄象海豹不会一同迁移呢？我们曾经询问过加州新年海岸州立保留地的志愿者，回答是不太清楚，但可能是雌性的更努力些？（笔者按，此志愿者为女性）。但我在这里斗胆猜测一下，大概是如果生产后按家出游，那些“大王”们为了保护家眷不受“光棍游击队”的袭击非给累死不可。当然，也可能有“火星象海豹”和“金星象海豹”的问题。谁知道哲雄象海豹会不会在离开一年住两次的家时大发感慨“Women, can’t live with them, can’t live without them”呢？
（面壁反省24小时后）
你也许会问，不错，挺有趣也挺长知识的；但这一切和大诗人T·S·艾略特有啥关系呀？别急，我们的主人公即将出场了，音乐响起：
不错，就是这家伙，Mr. TS 艾略特, 只是此TS非彼TS。这里TS是Toilet Seat （马桶圈）的英文缩写。据州立公园的工作人员介绍，这个倒霉的家伙由于太好奇太调皮，不作不死地有幸将TS套到了脖子上。由于长得太快太肥，想摘下来时已经太晚了。工作人员们前两年看到后、笑够后先将它命名为Mr. Toilet Seat，昵称TS。直到其中一个有点儿文学根底的灵机一动，更其名为Mr. 艾略特。
好消息是，Mr. 艾略特最终撑破了TS，并且还学会了发声（据说不太好听）。坏消息是它这次还没露面，工作人员说好像情况有些不妙。希望大家在这里和我们一起为他加油！不要在迁移途中成为大白鲨和杀人鲸的腹中之物。争取早日成年（只需5-6年），为“艾略特”家族传宗接代。在更高的意义上为曾濒临绝种的北象海豹的繁衍贡献力量。想想在上次3000英里的迁移前，Mr. 艾略特是否也会发问，“What is IT?”； 然后下定决心游上征程，“Let us go and make our visit”的呢？
Feliz Ano Nuevo！
构思于2015年元月1日，加州新年海岸州立保留地
（外一篇）小女的游记How Many Seals Could an Elephant Seal Seal if an Elephant Seal could Seal Seals?
That’s an easy answer; 0, because they’re either lying around on the beach or out on migration.
Elephant seals. When you think of these, what image comes to mind?
Probably a medium sized, brown/grey creature, something that roils around in the sand and isn’t that imposing. A mediocre animal, not at all awe inspiring.
You would have to see them to realize your mistake.
The first glimpse I caught of this animal; I thought it was a rock.
Just strolling idly by, enjoying the sunshine and balmy air.
Ahh, What a nice day.
Ahh, what a nice rock over there.
Then the rock rolled over and snored.
It was a profound sound; one that shook you right to your bones. Such a sound that was reminiscent of your childhood;
Yes, the only thing that was missing was the bubble coming out of his nose.
Looks can be deceiving; though they look oh so peaceful lounging around on the sand...
Take a look closer, do you see the pink lines decorating his neck?
Those are hard earned battle scars. Ones that were garnered from years of fighting others for the sake of their harems.
Male elephant seals fight each other, partly for females, and partly so they are not exiled onto Loser’s Beach.
“If you don’t look too close; I’m not that unattractive right?”
Yes, although they may look like huge piles of blubber just plopped down on the beach, the Elephant seal world is a seal eat seal world. Necessity has driven them to be aggressive creatures.
Necessity drives them to do many other things that normal animals do not do.
“MOM! WHERE YOU AT???” “I’M RIGHT HERE, SHUT UP TOMMY.”
Elephant seals are forced to leave their young at 28 days. The driving force? Necessity of food.
You see, elephant seals actually spend their migrations absolutely gorging themselves on food. (Where else would all that blubber come from?)
When they arrive at Ano Nuevo, they don’t eat for three months! That’s crazy! Not only that, all their hard earned blubber is spent being fed to their children. The mother loses 16 pounds a day, and the child gains 10. I don’t know where the extra 6 goes, but somewhere it does. My mom thinks that it’s a good way to lose weight, but I said “NO!” because that would mean me pursuing a career in sumo wrestling. No, thank you.
After 28 days, the child has effectively grown to be 300 pounds. Yikes. (Although this is still nothing compared to the 5,000 pound adults.) This is the time where the mother must leave their child behind on the beach, to go get more food.
Another thing driven by necessity is their amazing physical features.
Did you know that elephant seals can dive underwater for 120 minutes?
Did you know they must swim 5,000 miles, twice a year?
Did you know they can move faster than humans on sand dunes?
Before you decide that elephant seals are mediocre and not special, I want you to go to Ano Nuevo to take a closer look. I want you to go see everything that makes them the creatures they are. Elephant seals are undoubtedly very unique creatures that get less attention than they deserve.
